No one can ever prepare you for this - Part 2

I haven’t updated this blog since October 2012. That was my after my last breast reconstruction surgery and I’ve been meaning to write the final chapter about completing my journey, losing weight, getting healthier and getting my life back. Well I guess there was a reason I never wrote the final chapter as it looks as if this book it not closed.

On Monday, May 27 while in Washington D.C. walking near the Jefferson Memorial, I had a strange thing happen. I had a quick attack of numbness and lack of mobility on my left leg from the top of my knee down. It went away after about 10 minutes after I rubbed it to get the circulation back. I was scared, but I had no idea what it was in relation to. Was it cancer treatment after effects of nerve damage? Was it just getting older? I just had no idea what it was, but it went away quickly and didn’t come back. I was just confused. Then about a week later, I noticed some tingling in my left arm and a lot of pressure on the left-side of my skull. After consulting with my primary care doctor and oncologist, we booked an appointment with a neurologist for Thursday, June 13 – the soonest they could get me in.

Well, I didn’t have to wait for that appointment as on Friday, June 7 at around 11 p.m., I had a major attack on my motor capabilities. My whole entire left side when numb and was unresponsive. I went immediately to the emergency room that night and was admitted to Piedmont Hospital. A CT scan found a spot on my brain and a MRI diagnosed it as a brain tumor.

There are three options that the brain tumor could be:

1)      A benign meningioma. This is a tumor unrelated to cancer and is not atypical to happen to a woman my age.   
2)      A malignant breast cancer tumor. Turns out breast cancer cells really like to go to the brain.
3)      A primary brain tumor. This option is VERY unlikely and would be the worst possible outcome because a primary brain cancer is hard to survive. Looking at the scans, they do NOT think I have this as the tumor does not look like a glioblastoma.  

The good news is the doctors feel this is either options No. 1 or No. 2 and both of those options are treatable and beatable, so take a sigh of relief. The tumor is about dime-sized on the right side of my brain but it will require brain surgery to remove which will happen Wednesday afternoon, June 12. The surgery is a 2- to 4-hour surgery. The bad news is regardless of what type of tumor this is, any of them could grow back and it will require me to have MRIs done every three months to keep an eye on possible future growth. But many people do beat this in only one instance so that’s what I’m going to choose to focus on and pray for. I continue to hope for the positive, but it really sucks having to look over your shoulder constantly after the fact.  

What the doctors are most worried about is the following:

1)      While it is good news the tumor is small and looks to be capable of being removed, there is a large amount of swelling around the tumor. In benign tumors, typically you do not see that much swelling in comparison to the size of the small tumor, so unfortunately, one doctor feels the swelling is indicative of a metastasis of my breast cancer. Two doctors think that since the tumor is sitting in the meninges region that it is the meningioma. One the tumor is removed and the pathology is completed, they will know more and we will see which doctors are right. Then my surgeons and oncologists can come up with a plan of treatment.  
2)      The tumor is sitting directly on the area that controls motor function. Despite how accomplished my doctors are, they do have concerns about either temporary or permanent damage to my motor skills since the tumor seems to be attached to the brain. They said it was just 2 centimeters over, I’d be in the clear, but it is just too close to the motor strip for their liking. When they remove it, it may impact that area of the brain. The upside to this is the since the tumor is on the right side, it controls my left-side motor function. Since I am dominant right-handed, losing left-side movement is better than the right side. Bottom line, they would rather leave in the tumor than impact the brain, so they will be conservative. They can always use the gamma knife treatment to break up any tumor they cannot remove.

The most fantastic news is they did a CT scan of my whole body on Sunday and came back clear. There is no evidence the cancer went to any other part of my body.  That is the best news of all. Who knows? This tumor in my brain may not be the metastatic breast cancer after all. We just won’t know until after tomorrow. The tumor will be sent off to pathology and the exact results will not come back for 10-14 days. However, they will take some of the tumor and test it immediately to find out if it is benign, breast tissue or brain tissue, so we should know something after surgery tomorrow.

The other good news is they said other than a headache, my pain will be minimal in comparison to my breast cancer treatments and surgeries so that’s a good thing!

The doctors are telling me to plan to be out of work four to six weeks. They have said if I feel good and want to come back sooner, they might work with me after the three week mark; it will just depend on how I progress. Right now with so many variables from the motor skills uncertainty and if the tumor is cancerous or not, it is not possible to know exactly how long I will be gone. I have such an amazing team I work with at Atlanta Motor Speedway and everyone has stepped up to allow me to focus on my health and not worry about work and for that, I’m beyond thankful.

I am hospitalized at Piedmont Hospital in Atlanta. After the surgery tomorrow, I will be in ICU overnight and in a regular room for another 1 to 3 days they are estimating. I am asking the following: if you want to reach out to me, you are welcome to but please do so by a card, email, a blog comment or social media comment. Outside of my close friends and family, please do not use text messages or phone calls as I find it very distracting. I hate the phone beeping when I am trying to rest as much as possible. That way I can reach out to you when I feel up to it. I do ask for your many prayers. I will update where I am planning on my recovery after I am discharged from the hospital. I will spend some time at my house (I miss my kitties) for a couple days and around two weeks at my parents to make it easy on them. After the two-week post- surgery mark, I hope to be at home where I might be up for some visitors and help around the house.  Email me if you want my address to my house or my parents.

To be honest, I am scared as there are so many variables still undetermined and the risks are quite high. I always wondered how I’d react if my cancer ever came back. I thought it would be worse because I would know what I’m in for, but after a few tears, I’m actually okay.  I’ve been through this before and I have a lot of resources here at the hospital to lean on. I know I’ve beaten it before and I can handle this next battle. I’m strong, I’m smart and I will find a way to get through this. I’m also lucky to have a strong network of family and friends who are determined to get me through this. I’m also grateful to have an inherent positive spirit and a strong faith in God to get me through this.

Thank you for following me on this journey.  

 

Love,

Marcy

 

 

It hasn't sunk in yet....

Friday, Sept. 28 was my 12^th surgery. The 12^th time going under anesthesia and having to wake up wondering, “Where am I?” The most incredible news of all is that is the LAST time I am going to have to do that in my breast cancer journey and I’m not sure that has completely sunk in yet… LAST TIME.

This road has been riddled with complications. Nothing ever seemed to go right. That fact has changed a big part of who I am. I’ve learned that while it is great to hope, wish and dream, never hold onto your expectations too tight. Be open to other routes that you might be steered in. And that you will be okay even if it is down a dark, scary path. You have it in you to navigate it.

I see my surgeon today who should give me clearance to go back to work tomorrow. The surgery she did on Friday was to make the breasts more symmetrical and shaped well since the surgery in April was just about building them with the tissue. All she will have left to do is two more minor procedures that will be done under local anesthesia where I can drive myself to and from the surgery with only a day or less recovery. One will be done on Dec. 14^th and one in March 2013. I’m so thankful to have found her and that I’m FINALLY nearing completion.

Part of me felt like I had to be done to start the rest of my life. Funny thing is life goes on while you’re waiting it to start. And I’ve been living it while waiting. The April surgery really gave me hope for my future. While it was the most horrid recovery, it was the best thing for me. It set me up with breasts made of my own tissue that will be with me for life. No more reconstruction surgeries in the future. I can move forward and make this a part of my past. Since April, I’ve been working on my diet – eating cleanly and with Anti-Cancer eating properties. I’ve also been trying to gain my strength and stamina back with working out. All of the hard work has paid off as I’ve lost 40 pounds and am physically stronger than I’ve been in a long time. I made a promise to myself that I was going to make life “better than it was before” cancer and I’m off to a great start.

Part of that has been filling my life with travels that inspire me with awe and wonder. The big one on my bucket list was Yellowstone. And thanks to some amazing friends in the NASCAR community, that trip was fulfilled in September. I was so strong that completed a hike down Uncle Tom’s trail in the Canyon area of Yellowstone. 328 steps down to see Lower Falls and the hike back up says it feels like 2,000.  The amazing part is I was strong enough to do it! Thanks to my NASCAR friends, I felt like a champion that day.

Another great thing about this side of cancer is being able to inspire others. An incredible woman named Lisa Vingerling started a foundation called Pink Heals. It is about showing young women who are cancer survivors that there can be a great life on the other side of treatment. Not focusing on all you’ve lost, but focusing on the good and what you can gain from the experience. She helps to help you find the joy in life, to smile again, to meet other women with the same battle scars and to see the beauty in you again. I participated in a fashion show on Sept. 27 (yes, the night before surgery) she put on and thanks to hair and makeup, I felt like a million bucks. The best part was Lisa said some new survivors were in the audience and they were so blown away by all of us survivors – to see us happy and thriving meant the world to them to know that they can do it too.

Thanks for taking this journey with me.

Xoxo,

Marcy

Final Surgery Scheduled

It is hard to believe it has been 17 weeks since I’ve updated this blog. The best part of that is there have been no medical issues to update. My April DIEP flap surgery was the best decision I’ve made from the reconstruction process part of this cancer journey. The surgery by far was the hardest thing I’ve ever done recovery wise, but benefits long term are simply amazing … to know that I’ll never have to replace implants and my reconstructed breasts are my own tissue is a miracle. For the first time since this cancer journey, I’m starting to feel like a woman again.

Now that I can see the light at the end of the tunnel for this process, I’ve been able to get a spring back in my step. I didn’t realize how depressed and sad I was because I never knew I would have a resolution plus having to endure surgery after surgery. I wasn’t eating right and I wasn’t able to exercise consistently, so I ended up gaining weight. Add the fact my surgeon wanted me heavy for the April surgery, I was the heaviest I had ever been in my life. The good news is now that I can see a future with my new body, I’ve been working out and eating right. I’ve been following a diet of clean eating outlined in the book AntiCancer if you are interested in that sort of thing: http://www.anticancerbook.com/book.html.  To date, I’ve lost 37 pounds in 5 months and I’m feeling better than ever. I’ve got 9 more pounds to go to get to my goal weight, so I’m really happy. My hair has grown out to almost my pre-cancer length, so it’s nice to feel like I’m getting back to my old self, even though it’s in a newly constructed body.

So just two days ago, a co-worker told me that one of her clients was diagnosed with breast cancer and the woman was reading my blog for inspiration. I cried on the spot. I never dreamed this blog would be anything more than a vehicle for me to communicate with all my friends because it was too painful to keep telling the sad news over and over. The writing of this blog was cathartic in many ways and I never dreamed it would inspire or help others. My writing of this blog gave me a little bit of confidence hearing stories like I mentioned above, so a few months ago, I submitted a story to the Chicken Soup for the Soul: Hope and Healing for your Breast Cancer Journey book. Well, I was one of the 30 survivor stories picked to be in the book. I was so incredibly shocked and proud all at the same time. I want to be able to pay it forward and help others as much as I can. It’s nice to know that I’ve been able to accomplish that goal via the book. It came out on September 4^th and is available through major retailers.

 

I’m also very lucky that at work, our partner Chevrolet brought the pink ribbon pace cars back to Atlanta Motor Speedway on race weekend. AMS with Chevrolet, NASCAR and the American Cancer Society hosted 30 survivors who took rides in the pink pace cars and met NASCAR drivers on Friday, Aug. 31. Many of my pink sisters were able to attend and it was great to be able to show them a bit about what I do for a living. These women have such joy for new experiences and they were so much fun to watch speed around the race track. Chevrolet donated over $6,000 to ACS as they gave $200 for every caution lap they ran during the race on Sunday and I'm so thankful to be able to be a part of this event for the second straight year.

I’ve got my final surgery slated for Sept. 28. I can’t even wrap my head around that it will be the last one. How amazing!!! The surgery will be outpatient and my surgeon will just be doing the final touches. She will make both breasts are the same size and fixing some scars. I shouldn’t be out of work long; maybe a week at most. 

 

My birthday is this Sunday, Sept. 9. Last year, I wished that I would be "Ready to Fly" in 2012, but that wasn't in store for me. I will have to wait a bit more to finish this journey. I've learned that things happen for a reason and to trust God in his timetable for me. He kept me from going to Yellowstone in 2011. The post surgical infection kept me from taking the Yellowstone trip, only to find out later that over 80% of the park was closed the week I was supposed to be there due to record snows. I'm finally getting to take that trip for my birthday this year, so things are coming full circle. I want to thank all my friends from my NASCAR family, especially Mike Hembree for spearheading the gift idea, for giving me this second chance for this trip of a lifetime. I am so incredibly touched.

Thanks for keeping up with my and this journey. I’m getting so close to the end of all these surgeries!

Xoxo,

Marcy

Four Weeks Post-Op Update

Monday was four weeks post-op. I saw my surgeon that day. She took out the final drain (whoo hoo!) and told me, “See you in a month!”  I could not be happier with my decision to do this surgery, even though the recovery was horrid.

Good news is I’m standing up straight finally. However, there is still a lot of pain and tightness in my belly. I cannot walk fast and the doctor will not let me exercise (other than walking slow) or lift anything over 5 lbs. until the six weeks post op mark. Same thing with sleeping on my back with my legs elevated until week six. Oh how I want to lay on my side or stomach!!! I keep telling myself just two more weeks!

I’m headed back to work on Thursday, May 10 so I’m happy to be getting back to some normalcy. I’ve got a lot going on at work and I’m a bit nervous. I have to work every day but Mother’s Day through May 25 so that’s 15 out of 16 days. Not exactly the smartest decision, but I’m just going to have to pace myself and rest as much as possible. I’m planning on asking for help when I need it and just being smart. Please say a prayer I’m able to make it through it without too much pain and to give me the stamina I need.

Thanks as always for your love and support!

Marcy

Three Weeks Post-Op Update

Today is three weeks from surgery and all seems to be going well. I saw both docs three days ago and they are THRILLED with the results. I cannot believe how small the scars are on the breast area. Even though the scars are long, they are thin and I’m just amazed how they look in only three weeks. I can’t imagine how great they will look once we get further down the road.

I’m spending this week trying to get out a bit more so I can continue to build stamina to get back to putting in 8 hours a day at work. Right now I still get very tired once I exert energy.  It’s a process.

I’m attempting to come off the pain meds today. We will see how that goes. I still have tightness in my belly, the occasional cramping in my chest and I still have one drain in the lower left abdomen. The doctors told me that since I didn’t have a ton of fat, they had to take it all, which left my stomach VERY tight – more tight than normal patients which is why I have so much pain there.

I see the doctor a week from today so hopefully, they will take the drain out and give me clearance to go back to work.

Right now, I am not allowed to lift anything over 5 pounds or lift my arms over my head for six weeks. I also have to sleep on my back with two pillows under my knees for six weeks. I’m not sleeping great as I’m normally a side or stomach sleeper.

Regardless, I am incredibly thankful to finally see a light at the end of this journey. You have no idea how amazing this feels.

Love,

Marcy

Two Weeks Post-Op Update

Just wanted to give you an update as yesterday was two weeks post-op. Things are progressing nicely. I’ve been able to shower on my own for the past four days. And I’m walking a bit more (still only inside thee house), but not as hunched over as I was. The tightness in my stomach still does not allow me to stand completely upright, but I’m getting better every day.

My mom brought me home Sunday and it has been great to sleep in my own bed – even if I have to lay on my back with my legs propped up with two pillows and not move – it is still great to be home. Plus, the kitties have been super intuitive about not getting on me – typically, they love to lay on me and they won’t be able to for a long time. They are finding other ways to get their affection by laying by me, but not on me.

I saw the doctor yesterday. She took out the remaining stomach staples and two more drains. All I have left is one drain which should come out Friday on my next appointment plus the remaining sutures.

Right now my days recovering are being spent by doing work in the morning on my computer for my job and whatever chores I need done around the house as I have the most energy in the mornings. I can’t do much as I’m not allowed to lift over 5 lbs. until six weeks post-surgery. I’ve got friends bringing me lunch and dinner all week so I won’t waste energy cooking and I have found myself napping during the afternoons as the morning energy exerted seems to catch up to me around then.

I am still amazed by the work the surgeons did. It is just amazing. I feel like Humpty Dumpty – all put back together again. I have a lot of scars, but that’s ok. I don’t see myself entering any beauty pageants in my future, so I’m okay with that. I’m just thankful to be healthy and have this procedure that will last a lifetime.

Thanks for keeping up with me!

Xoxo,

Marcy

Feeling Tougher Than Ever

Hey there everyone! I wanted to give everyone an update from surgery No. 11 on April 9. It by far was the toughest thing I’ve ever done. It was an 11 hour surgery called the DIEP flap – they disconnect my stomach tissue and reattach the blood vessels to my chest to make breasts. It was done by a great surgeon in Atlanta, Dr. Grace Ma, in conjunction with a surgeon out of Houston, Dr. Sean Boutros. Let me tell you, their work is impeccable! Dr. Ma is a breast cancer survivor herself, so I really feel she brings the most compassionate perspective to her craft.

The recovery was the most difficult thing I’ve ever done. I was in the hospital for four days, forced not to move for that entire time. It was painful, itchy, sleepless days/nights. The nurses had to wake me up every hour to make sure the flaps did not fail. I was in so much pain, I couldn’t even focus to watch TV or read. I basically sat there in pain. I couldn’t eat so I kept getting nauseas off the medicine/post anesthesia. When they finally allowed me to sit up on Friday morning, after dry heaving, the nurses said I finally had color. Imagine needing to throw up, but you can’t move to get in the crouch position.

What this horrific stay has taught me is that I will never allow anyone to keep me alive on life support. Just four days of no moving caused body sores and pain – I can’t image what weeks would do at time.

In addition to weathering that tough stay in the hospital, I can add one more thing to me being a bad ass list: one of the flaps had to be left open to monitor it while I was in the hospital. The last thing my surgeon did before she sent me home on Friday was suture up the flap bedside. It was like a mini-surgery – she beta-dined me up, placed the surgical towel over the area she was treating and everything. It was so weird to feel getting sewed up. Thank God for yoga breathing!

I’ve been at my parents since last Friday night – a week now. I’ve been forced to sleep in a recliner. Fortunately, I’ve gone from being in pain every minute of the day to finding comfort at times. I have to get up and walk every two hours – I walk only around the downstairs. I can’t shower by myself, so my mom has to wash my hair for me as they don’t like me lifting my hands above my head. I’m not allowed to hold anything over 5 lbs. until six weeks post-op. My stomach has been cut from one side to the other and has stomach staples all across it. But the best news is they used stomach skin to replace the badly radiated skin on the left side. Modern medicine is just a miracle.

By next Friday, all four drains will have been removed with all the stomach staples and sutures. That will be 19 days post-op and hopefully by then I will be able to start walking upright. Being hunched over all the time has caused a lot of back pain.

My new surgeon said my left implant would have punctured through that thin radiated skin within a year and a half so it was a blessing we did this surgery. I could not be more happy with my choice and the results – even if I had to go through hell to get there. It is absolutely amazing to know that there is an end to this journey in sight. While I will have to have one more small surgery to do final touches to this work in the fall, it is amazing to know I am close to being done. No more surgeries throughout my lifetime to worry about. This tissue is my tissue – no more foreign objects to worry about or replace throughout my lifetime.

Many of you have told me all along how much you admire how tough I am. Well, for the first time, I can say, “Hell yeah!” I do feel tough. This has been the worst thing I’ve ever experienced, but I can tell you I am happy I made the choice and feel tough as nails.

Thanks for keeping up with me throughout this ride. I am incredibly blessed to have all of you thinking about me and praying for me during this journey.

Love,

Marcy

P.S. – and our family dog Brunswick has been quite the caretaker. He’s always staying close by and when he comes up to the recliner to say hello, he is ever so gentle. I’ve never met a more intuitive dog!