Winding Down 2009

I wanted to wait until I had my two doctors’ appointments yesterday to give you all an update from last week’s surgery. All went well last Wednesday night with the surgery. The doctor took out the left side expander and was contemplating putting a new one in, however, once he got in there, he saw the skin graft from the original surgery did not take, so he felt it best not to put the new expander in to let the area heal, plus the expander he took out was on the left side -- the side they will be doing the radiation on – and since the expander has a magnet in it – so you can find the hole to insert the needle into to put more fluid into it – it will be easier for the radiation oncologist not to have to work around the magnet. He also put in a new drain on the left side, which came out yesterday. I still have the right side drain in as it is still putting out a significant amount of fluid. I hope and pray it comes out when I see him again on Dec. 28.

He also said he did not want me to go back to work until Jan. 4, so I had to take five more unpaid days off (Dec. 17 – 23). My doctor said I was worn out, didn’t give myself enough time to recover and wanted me to rest up as much as possible to be fresh for radiation at the first of the year. I was just so physically and emotionally spent from not having a break between chemo and the mastectomy, plus I hadn’t been healing properly from the surgery causing unnecessary pain and the additional complications. I have to admit, it has been great to be able to sleep in and rest; and I’ve seen the difference in my energy by really taking the time to heal.

I stayed with my parents after the surgery from Wednesday night through Saturday morning and the family dog, Brunswick, was again my buddy. He stayed with me on the couch for three days – he was such great company. Saturday, mom came home with me and busted her butt cooking and cleaning for two days, as I had planned a month ago to have all the girls over that cared for me during chemo – staying with me overnight and giving my parents a break. I have posted a picture of me with these wonderful women and am so thankful to have them in my life. Only a couple couldn’t make the party and it was really nice to be able to visit with all of them. I gave each of them a Hallmark ornament to mark this year – it was the “Good Friend Angel” ornament as that’s what they were to me this year. I couldn’t have gotten through chemo without their help and support.

You can tell in the picture that my eyebrows and eyelashes have started to grow back in quickly. In fact, my eyebrows grew back in so bushy, that I’ve had to pluck them twice now! I’m growing hair too – I’ve got that Demi Moore GI Jane look right now – very short, very dark, however, there are plenty of silver hairs in the there too. Oh well, guess I should be happy it is at least coming back!

I also saw the radiation oncologist yesterday. We did the mold and the initial measurements for my radiation treatments. I left there with green marker all over me and small tape markers on my body. I was able to wash the green marker off, except for the areas that were under the clear tape, so I look ridiculous, with spots of green all over my belly and chest. I have to keep it on until Monday when I see him again. It itches too and I’m not supposed to get it too wet, so that’ll be a challenge for the next six days.

I have five doctors’ appointments on Monday, Dec. 28: my counselor, an ultrasound for my gynecological oncologist, my reconstructive surgeon (hopefully to get my final drain taken out and maybe the stitches from the last surgery), my lymphadema specialist (to get my arm sleeve to wear after my daily radiation treatments) and finally, my radiation oncologist (to do the dry run through the radiation treatment) and then I will start with my daily (Mon – Fri) treatments on January 4. I will need to have 28 – 33 treatments, so that will put me finishing somewhere between February 10 – 17, just in time for race week!

My hysterectomy is scheduled for the Wednesday after race weekend, March 10, and that will put me out of work somewhere between four to six weeks. After that, I will finally get to start working again on my breast reconstruction. I have to wait for about six weeks after radiation until I can get the left expander put in, and then wait for a month for that incision to heal. Then, I will undergo two months of being expanded weekly, one month of letting it sit, and then the implants will go in. I won’t be done with everything in the one year timeframe I had hoped for, but I’m over wanting that goal now. I realize that I have to take things as they come, complications happen and I can’t plan it all out.

What I am thankful for is after all my appointments on Monday, we’ll leave for the beach that night, giving me four full days there, coming home Saturday, Jan. 2. I desperately need a break from work, from doctors’ appointments, from to do lists, from sitting in my house – just a change of scenery to a place where I’m expected to do nothing. Mom, Dad and the dog will go and I’m looking forward to that peaceful time where all I plan to do it rest, take walks on the beach, read books, eat at my favorite seafood places and do a little outlet shopping. I haven’t had a true vacation since Memorial Day weekend, so I’m looking forward to this trip. It will also help not having to drive to and from there, so it really will be a completely restful trip for me.

Speaking of eating, I’ve pretty much lost my appetite this past six weeks. I think it was due to a bit of depression and now that I’ve become accustomed to eating less, even if I’m hungry, I get full quickly. I’m currently down 19 pounds from pre-diagnosis and I’d like to lose another 11 pounds. I know I won’t be able to get on a serious workout plan until after the hysterectomy, but in addition to the treadmill I used to run/walk on, I will have to start lifting weights. The hysterectomy will put me into early menopause, which means I’ll start losing bone density earlier than women my age. In order to have strong bones when I’m elderly, I’ve got to work on that now. Think about it – I will be going into menopause 12 – 17 years earlier than I would under normal conditions, so that’ll make my bones older than they should be. In fact, my oncologist has me on three times daily Citrical + D pills already, plus a daily multi-vitamin. I’ve got to do all I can to make sure this cancer never comes back, so getting my weight down and building bone strength is part of my future.

I wish each and every one of you a very Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. Even though I still have a lot ahead of me in 2010, I hope by this time next year, I’m feeling 100% and have much more hair!

Thanks for your love and continued support!

Love,
Marcy

Complications

So last I updated you the recovery from the mastectomy was going as scheduled. Two of my four drains were removed about a week after the surgery and I still had two in.

Well, I went in on Wednesday, Dec. 9 hoping to get the other two drains removed. The plastic surgeon felt that only the left side drain was ready to come out and we would try to remove the right side one on Friday, Dec. 11. When I went into the office that Friday morning, he noticed my left side was red and building up fluid. He decided to do a needle aspiration to take out the fluid. Well, when he did, he ended up puncturing the expander and it started leaking out fluid. So much so that I had to return Friday afternoon to get more fluid removed. By Saturday at noon, the pressure and pain was back, so I returned on Monday, Dec. 14 to get more fluid taken out.

Since the doctor was going to have to replace the expander at some point, he called me yesterday (Dec. 15) and said he wanted to take it out as soon as possible since it had been causing me pain and we’d put the new one in after radiation. He said I would be more comfortable and the radiation oncologist would be happier not to have to work around the magnet that is in the expander.

Now I have to go under the knife two more times due to the mistake of the punctured expander and I’m not happy about it. The surgery to have the expander out is tonight (Dec. 16), so I’ll be out of work tomorrow and not sure about Friday. My right drain is still outputting a lot of fluid, so I have no idea when it will come out.

I know in my last blog I felt like I could take on the world, but lately, I’ve felt like a punching bag. I’m tired. I’m so incredibly tired. All the time. I wish I could put on my Billy Bad ass pants and feel like I can take it all on, but I’m worn down. Trying to be positive, this incision today will put off my start date for radiation, so I’m going to go to the beach during the Christmas break for a change of scenery and to relax and take a break from doctor’s appointments where I’m poked and prodded all the time. I need it and I hope it is the rejuvenation I need before taking on radiation and going back to work after the 1st of the year.

I wish everyone nothing but the happiest holiday season possible even though I’m not in the merriest of spirits. I know I should be thankful to have received the best gift I’ve been given this year – to live through this cancer, however right now my body is pretty beat up and I’m having a hard time being happy through the pain and fatigue. I guess that’s why they call it a battle, I guess.

Happy Holidays everyone!

Love,
Marcy

Boom, Boom, Cow!

I’m sorry it has taken me so long to update my blog. I haven’t for a couple reasons: 1) my arms haven’t allowed me to get on a computer until a couple of days ago and 2) I just haven’t had the energy to recap the whole surgery until now, plus I had two doctors’ appointments yesterday and I really wanted to wait until I had them so I could give you all the updated information.

The mastectomy surgery with expander insertion and lymph node dissection was much harder and painful than anyone could have prepared me for. When trying to explain it to friends and family, I told them it felt like a bomb went off in my chest from one underarm area, across my chest to the other. I stayed in the hospital for two nights and was discharged on Saturday, Nov. 21st. I couldn’t take care of myself at all, so instead of going home to my house, I went to my parents’ house. Since I couldn’t lift myself in and out of bed, they had recliners in their house and that’s where I stayed for most of the first week. Every day I progressed a little bit more and more. I had considerable pain in my left underarm area from the armpit to the elbow and the doctors said that was normal due to the removal of the lymph nodes. It took three days before I could even use the lever for the legs to get me in and out of the recliner. The best I can explain is the drains they have in me limits the mobility of my arms – I can’t reach over my head or down to my toes. And the expanders they have in my chest feel like a steel bra and I can’t roll my shoulders in. Just yesterday I was finally able to put on socks without help. I’m meeting with a lymphadema specialist Friday to help with the pliability of the expanders while they are in.

The plastic surgeon also had to do skin grafts to make the surgery more successful for my muscles, since all the breast tissue around them was removed. After the surgery, my mom told me he used cow tongue for the skin grafts. I said, “Great, bring the cow jokes on now.” Although, if anyone ever calls me a “fat cow” now, I can reply, “Why, thank you!” since cows are supposed to be fat!

I’m still forced to sleep on my back – I cannot use my sides at all and since I’m a stomach sleeper normally, it has been tough. For almost a week, I couldn’t lift myself out of bed once I was in it. I also had to get up each night at 3 a.m. to take medicine. Since it hurt to yell because of my chest area, I would whistle from my bed and out sweet boxer Brunswick, would start whining and go get my mom up to come help me. Normally, he follows my mom around the house, but that first week, he would sleep on the floor of the den while I was in the recliner keeping me company. One day I was crying because I was in so much pain and he got up and started giving me kisses – he hated to see my upset. He’s been my little angel while I’ve been here.

Two of my four drains came out last Friday. What a great doctor – he came in the Friday after Thanksgiving when the office was closed to take them out. I can’t believe how lucky I have been in getting such great doctors. The other two drains come out this Friday, so I’ll be back to work this Monday. I had thought I would go back to work today or tomorrow, but he said I could not go back to work until the two final drains came out and he was right; I’m still not self-sufficient. I’m hoping I can at least try sleeping on my side when the drains come out. I won’t be able to sleep on my stomach until my implants get put in and that will be many months away now. I’m also hoping by tomorrow or Friday I can finally bathe on my own without help from my mother. She’s been my rock, helping me every step of the way.

So here’s the big news everyone has been waiting for. My breast surgeon called with the pathology report. There are 18 lymph nodes in my armpit and one in my breast. They took out a total of six lymph nodes -- the one from my breast and five from the armpit. She said that the chemo did a kick ass job and all the tests came back with reading free of cancer. All the tissue on my right breast was clear and they got all the tissue on the left side.

Because my cancer was in the lymph system, they don't want to take any chances, so they want to do radiation just in case some little cell is stuck somewhere in the lymphatic system surrounding the breast. I met my radiation oncologist yesterday and he is amazing. He’s been doing this for 25 years – he’s so knowledgeable and has a great beside manner. I know I will be in great care under his watch. I see him again on the 21st of December. He will make sure all my incisions are healed properly, that I have proper range of motion to be able to lay comfortably with both arms behind my head. Once those criteria are met, then they will make a mold and take measurements for my treatments. He said that we will do 28 to 33 sessions and he believes we can start right after Christmas; I will go every weekday until complete. The biggest concern he has is since we are radiating the left side, it is very close to my heart, so he will be involved every step of the way to protect my heart and make sure it does not get hit with any of the radiation beams. Also, side effect wise that I should expect to be sunburned and experience fatigue. He said I should have no problems working through this timeframe, but I would be going to bed early each night due to the fatigue and it gets worse the more treatments I get. He also said I would be very prone to viral infections, so I would need to stay away from large crowds, etc., so I’m back to being in prison again – going to work and home only and I can’t go anywhere else. That’s the part that is most difficult for me – having my normal life taken away from me for so long and not being able to do what my body wants to do.

They make it really easy though to go every day for the radiation. They only want it to take 20 minutes total out of your day. They let you park in the Emergency Room parking area at Piedmont. You go in, it takes about eight minutes to set the room up and I’ll be radiated for only two to three minutes. They have early morning appointments starting at 7:30 a.m., so I hope it won’t eat into my workday much. I’m keeping a positive attitude about the radiation. Even though it wasn’t the outcome I wanted, I’m under the care of such an amazing doctor and they really do want to make it as easy as they can on me.

I feel so much stronger after chemotherapy and this surgery. Someone asked me how I was doing after the surgery and I said, “I’m bruised and battered, but not broken. Give me anything now – I can take it on.” I never dreamed I had this strength in me. I honestly thought this surgery was even harder than my chemotherapy, which is why I’m okay with having to go through the radiation now. Bring it on, I can do anything now. You can’t break me.

I saw my oncologist yesterday too. I thanked him for shrinking so much of my cancer with the chemotherapy, which made for a much successful surgery. My breast surgeon was just singing his praises as it made her job much easier for removing the cancer. He said as it stands right now, I’m cancer free. I will continue to see him over the next 10 years for follow up and I’m thankful to have such a great doctor. In fact, all my doctors at Piedmont Hospital have been amazing. I am truly blessed to have such a great healthcare team.

Once the radiation is complete, then I’ll start scheduling my hysterectomy and the breast reconstruction phases. I’m not sure when all of it will be complete, but I want to get all of these procedures done as soon as I can, so I can get this phase of my life over with and get back to being me again!

Lastly, right after the surgery, I noticed that almost all my eyebrows and eyelashes were gone. My left eye had only two lashes and my right eyebrow had three stands left. I was really bummed. It also made it hard to put my contacts in. But surprisingly, while I’ve been home recuperating, my hair is starting to come back. I have some peach fuzz growing on my head and eyebrows, so I’m excited about that, even though I know it will be awkward growing it out. The only thing I’m not looking forward to is having to start shaving my legs again!

Thank you everyone for the flowers, cards, balloons, food, emails and phone calls of support and concern. It meant so much. One of the sweetest gifts I received was from one of my best friends who lives next door to me. Not only has she been feeding my cats and plants while I’ve been at my parents for two weeks, but she decorated my Christmas tree as that was the one thing I didn’t get a chance to do before my surgery. I stopped by my house yesterday for a few things between doctor appointments and just started crying when I saw it. It was such a thoughtful thing to do and it makes coming home tomorrow even sweeter.

Love to you all!

Marcy