Winding Down 2009

I wanted to wait until I had my two doctors’ appointments yesterday to give you all an update from last week’s surgery. All went well last Wednesday night with the surgery. The doctor took out the left side expander and was contemplating putting a new one in, however, once he got in there, he saw the skin graft from the original surgery did not take, so he felt it best not to put the new expander in to let the area heal, plus the expander he took out was on the left side -- the side they will be doing the radiation on – and since the expander has a magnet in it – so you can find the hole to insert the needle into to put more fluid into it – it will be easier for the radiation oncologist not to have to work around the magnet. He also put in a new drain on the left side, which came out yesterday. I still have the right side drain in as it is still putting out a significant amount of fluid. I hope and pray it comes out when I see him again on Dec. 28.

He also said he did not want me to go back to work until Jan. 4, so I had to take five more unpaid days off (Dec. 17 – 23). My doctor said I was worn out, didn’t give myself enough time to recover and wanted me to rest up as much as possible to be fresh for radiation at the first of the year. I was just so physically and emotionally spent from not having a break between chemo and the mastectomy, plus I hadn’t been healing properly from the surgery causing unnecessary pain and the additional complications. I have to admit, it has been great to be able to sleep in and rest; and I’ve seen the difference in my energy by really taking the time to heal.

I stayed with my parents after the surgery from Wednesday night through Saturday morning and the family dog, Brunswick, was again my buddy. He stayed with me on the couch for three days – he was such great company. Saturday, mom came home with me and busted her butt cooking and cleaning for two days, as I had planned a month ago to have all the girls over that cared for me during chemo – staying with me overnight and giving my parents a break. I have posted a picture of me with these wonderful women and am so thankful to have them in my life. Only a couple couldn’t make the party and it was really nice to be able to visit with all of them. I gave each of them a Hallmark ornament to mark this year – it was the “Good Friend Angel” ornament as that’s what they were to me this year. I couldn’t have gotten through chemo without their help and support.

You can tell in the picture that my eyebrows and eyelashes have started to grow back in quickly. In fact, my eyebrows grew back in so bushy, that I’ve had to pluck them twice now! I’m growing hair too – I’ve got that Demi Moore GI Jane look right now – very short, very dark, however, there are plenty of silver hairs in the there too. Oh well, guess I should be happy it is at least coming back!

I also saw the radiation oncologist yesterday. We did the mold and the initial measurements for my radiation treatments. I left there with green marker all over me and small tape markers on my body. I was able to wash the green marker off, except for the areas that were under the clear tape, so I look ridiculous, with spots of green all over my belly and chest. I have to keep it on until Monday when I see him again. It itches too and I’m not supposed to get it too wet, so that’ll be a challenge for the next six days.

I have five doctors’ appointments on Monday, Dec. 28: my counselor, an ultrasound for my gynecological oncologist, my reconstructive surgeon (hopefully to get my final drain taken out and maybe the stitches from the last surgery), my lymphadema specialist (to get my arm sleeve to wear after my daily radiation treatments) and finally, my radiation oncologist (to do the dry run through the radiation treatment) and then I will start with my daily (Mon – Fri) treatments on January 4. I will need to have 28 – 33 treatments, so that will put me finishing somewhere between February 10 – 17, just in time for race week!

My hysterectomy is scheduled for the Wednesday after race weekend, March 10, and that will put me out of work somewhere between four to six weeks. After that, I will finally get to start working again on my breast reconstruction. I have to wait for about six weeks after radiation until I can get the left expander put in, and then wait for a month for that incision to heal. Then, I will undergo two months of being expanded weekly, one month of letting it sit, and then the implants will go in. I won’t be done with everything in the one year timeframe I had hoped for, but I’m over wanting that goal now. I realize that I have to take things as they come, complications happen and I can’t plan it all out.

What I am thankful for is after all my appointments on Monday, we’ll leave for the beach that night, giving me four full days there, coming home Saturday, Jan. 2. I desperately need a break from work, from doctors’ appointments, from to do lists, from sitting in my house – just a change of scenery to a place where I’m expected to do nothing. Mom, Dad and the dog will go and I’m looking forward to that peaceful time where all I plan to do it rest, take walks on the beach, read books, eat at my favorite seafood places and do a little outlet shopping. I haven’t had a true vacation since Memorial Day weekend, so I’m looking forward to this trip. It will also help not having to drive to and from there, so it really will be a completely restful trip for me.

Speaking of eating, I’ve pretty much lost my appetite this past six weeks. I think it was due to a bit of depression and now that I’ve become accustomed to eating less, even if I’m hungry, I get full quickly. I’m currently down 19 pounds from pre-diagnosis and I’d like to lose another 11 pounds. I know I won’t be able to get on a serious workout plan until after the hysterectomy, but in addition to the treadmill I used to run/walk on, I will have to start lifting weights. The hysterectomy will put me into early menopause, which means I’ll start losing bone density earlier than women my age. In order to have strong bones when I’m elderly, I’ve got to work on that now. Think about it – I will be going into menopause 12 – 17 years earlier than I would under normal conditions, so that’ll make my bones older than they should be. In fact, my oncologist has me on three times daily Citrical + D pills already, plus a daily multi-vitamin. I’ve got to do all I can to make sure this cancer never comes back, so getting my weight down and building bone strength is part of my future.

I wish each and every one of you a very Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. Even though I still have a lot ahead of me in 2010, I hope by this time next year, I’m feeling 100% and have much more hair!

Thanks for your love and continued support!

Love,
Marcy

Complications

So last I updated you the recovery from the mastectomy was going as scheduled. Two of my four drains were removed about a week after the surgery and I still had two in.

Well, I went in on Wednesday, Dec. 9 hoping to get the other two drains removed. The plastic surgeon felt that only the left side drain was ready to come out and we would try to remove the right side one on Friday, Dec. 11. When I went into the office that Friday morning, he noticed my left side was red and building up fluid. He decided to do a needle aspiration to take out the fluid. Well, when he did, he ended up puncturing the expander and it started leaking out fluid. So much so that I had to return Friday afternoon to get more fluid removed. By Saturday at noon, the pressure and pain was back, so I returned on Monday, Dec. 14 to get more fluid taken out.

Since the doctor was going to have to replace the expander at some point, he called me yesterday (Dec. 15) and said he wanted to take it out as soon as possible since it had been causing me pain and we’d put the new one in after radiation. He said I would be more comfortable and the radiation oncologist would be happier not to have to work around the magnet that is in the expander.

Now I have to go under the knife two more times due to the mistake of the punctured expander and I’m not happy about it. The surgery to have the expander out is tonight (Dec. 16), so I’ll be out of work tomorrow and not sure about Friday. My right drain is still outputting a lot of fluid, so I have no idea when it will come out.

I know in my last blog I felt like I could take on the world, but lately, I’ve felt like a punching bag. I’m tired. I’m so incredibly tired. All the time. I wish I could put on my Billy Bad ass pants and feel like I can take it all on, but I’m worn down. Trying to be positive, this incision today will put off my start date for radiation, so I’m going to go to the beach during the Christmas break for a change of scenery and to relax and take a break from doctor’s appointments where I’m poked and prodded all the time. I need it and I hope it is the rejuvenation I need before taking on radiation and going back to work after the 1st of the year.

I wish everyone nothing but the happiest holiday season possible even though I’m not in the merriest of spirits. I know I should be thankful to have received the best gift I’ve been given this year – to live through this cancer, however right now my body is pretty beat up and I’m having a hard time being happy through the pain and fatigue. I guess that’s why they call it a battle, I guess.

Happy Holidays everyone!

Love,
Marcy

Boom, Boom, Cow!

I’m sorry it has taken me so long to update my blog. I haven’t for a couple reasons: 1) my arms haven’t allowed me to get on a computer until a couple of days ago and 2) I just haven’t had the energy to recap the whole surgery until now, plus I had two doctors’ appointments yesterday and I really wanted to wait until I had them so I could give you all the updated information.

The mastectomy surgery with expander insertion and lymph node dissection was much harder and painful than anyone could have prepared me for. When trying to explain it to friends and family, I told them it felt like a bomb went off in my chest from one underarm area, across my chest to the other. I stayed in the hospital for two nights and was discharged on Saturday, Nov. 21st. I couldn’t take care of myself at all, so instead of going home to my house, I went to my parents’ house. Since I couldn’t lift myself in and out of bed, they had recliners in their house and that’s where I stayed for most of the first week. Every day I progressed a little bit more and more. I had considerable pain in my left underarm area from the armpit to the elbow and the doctors said that was normal due to the removal of the lymph nodes. It took three days before I could even use the lever for the legs to get me in and out of the recliner. The best I can explain is the drains they have in me limits the mobility of my arms – I can’t reach over my head or down to my toes. And the expanders they have in my chest feel like a steel bra and I can’t roll my shoulders in. Just yesterday I was finally able to put on socks without help. I’m meeting with a lymphadema specialist Friday to help with the pliability of the expanders while they are in.

The plastic surgeon also had to do skin grafts to make the surgery more successful for my muscles, since all the breast tissue around them was removed. After the surgery, my mom told me he used cow tongue for the skin grafts. I said, “Great, bring the cow jokes on now.” Although, if anyone ever calls me a “fat cow” now, I can reply, “Why, thank you!” since cows are supposed to be fat!

I’m still forced to sleep on my back – I cannot use my sides at all and since I’m a stomach sleeper normally, it has been tough. For almost a week, I couldn’t lift myself out of bed once I was in it. I also had to get up each night at 3 a.m. to take medicine. Since it hurt to yell because of my chest area, I would whistle from my bed and out sweet boxer Brunswick, would start whining and go get my mom up to come help me. Normally, he follows my mom around the house, but that first week, he would sleep on the floor of the den while I was in the recliner keeping me company. One day I was crying because I was in so much pain and he got up and started giving me kisses – he hated to see my upset. He’s been my little angel while I’ve been here.

Two of my four drains came out last Friday. What a great doctor – he came in the Friday after Thanksgiving when the office was closed to take them out. I can’t believe how lucky I have been in getting such great doctors. The other two drains come out this Friday, so I’ll be back to work this Monday. I had thought I would go back to work today or tomorrow, but he said I could not go back to work until the two final drains came out and he was right; I’m still not self-sufficient. I’m hoping I can at least try sleeping on my side when the drains come out. I won’t be able to sleep on my stomach until my implants get put in and that will be many months away now. I’m also hoping by tomorrow or Friday I can finally bathe on my own without help from my mother. She’s been my rock, helping me every step of the way.

So here’s the big news everyone has been waiting for. My breast surgeon called with the pathology report. There are 18 lymph nodes in my armpit and one in my breast. They took out a total of six lymph nodes -- the one from my breast and five from the armpit. She said that the chemo did a kick ass job and all the tests came back with reading free of cancer. All the tissue on my right breast was clear and they got all the tissue on the left side.

Because my cancer was in the lymph system, they don't want to take any chances, so they want to do radiation just in case some little cell is stuck somewhere in the lymphatic system surrounding the breast. I met my radiation oncologist yesterday and he is amazing. He’s been doing this for 25 years – he’s so knowledgeable and has a great beside manner. I know I will be in great care under his watch. I see him again on the 21st of December. He will make sure all my incisions are healed properly, that I have proper range of motion to be able to lay comfortably with both arms behind my head. Once those criteria are met, then they will make a mold and take measurements for my treatments. He said that we will do 28 to 33 sessions and he believes we can start right after Christmas; I will go every weekday until complete. The biggest concern he has is since we are radiating the left side, it is very close to my heart, so he will be involved every step of the way to protect my heart and make sure it does not get hit with any of the radiation beams. Also, side effect wise that I should expect to be sunburned and experience fatigue. He said I should have no problems working through this timeframe, but I would be going to bed early each night due to the fatigue and it gets worse the more treatments I get. He also said I would be very prone to viral infections, so I would need to stay away from large crowds, etc., so I’m back to being in prison again – going to work and home only and I can’t go anywhere else. That’s the part that is most difficult for me – having my normal life taken away from me for so long and not being able to do what my body wants to do.

They make it really easy though to go every day for the radiation. They only want it to take 20 minutes total out of your day. They let you park in the Emergency Room parking area at Piedmont. You go in, it takes about eight minutes to set the room up and I’ll be radiated for only two to three minutes. They have early morning appointments starting at 7:30 a.m., so I hope it won’t eat into my workday much. I’m keeping a positive attitude about the radiation. Even though it wasn’t the outcome I wanted, I’m under the care of such an amazing doctor and they really do want to make it as easy as they can on me.

I feel so much stronger after chemotherapy and this surgery. Someone asked me how I was doing after the surgery and I said, “I’m bruised and battered, but not broken. Give me anything now – I can take it on.” I never dreamed I had this strength in me. I honestly thought this surgery was even harder than my chemotherapy, which is why I’m okay with having to go through the radiation now. Bring it on, I can do anything now. You can’t break me.

I saw my oncologist yesterday too. I thanked him for shrinking so much of my cancer with the chemotherapy, which made for a much successful surgery. My breast surgeon was just singing his praises as it made her job much easier for removing the cancer. He said as it stands right now, I’m cancer free. I will continue to see him over the next 10 years for follow up and I’m thankful to have such a great doctor. In fact, all my doctors at Piedmont Hospital have been amazing. I am truly blessed to have such a great healthcare team.

Once the radiation is complete, then I’ll start scheduling my hysterectomy and the breast reconstruction phases. I’m not sure when all of it will be complete, but I want to get all of these procedures done as soon as I can, so I can get this phase of my life over with and get back to being me again!

Lastly, right after the surgery, I noticed that almost all my eyebrows and eyelashes were gone. My left eye had only two lashes and my right eyebrow had three stands left. I was really bummed. It also made it hard to put my contacts in. But surprisingly, while I’ve been home recuperating, my hair is starting to come back. I have some peach fuzz growing on my head and eyebrows, so I’m excited about that, even though I know it will be awkward growing it out. The only thing I’m not looking forward to is having to start shaving my legs again!

Thank you everyone for the flowers, cards, balloons, food, emails and phone calls of support and concern. It meant so much. One of the sweetest gifts I received was from one of my best friends who lives next door to me. Not only has she been feeding my cats and plants while I’ve been at my parents for two weeks, but she decorated my Christmas tree as that was the one thing I didn’t get a chance to do before my surgery. I stopped by my house yesterday for a few things between doctor appointments and just started crying when I saw it. It was such a thoughtful thing to do and it makes coming home tomorrow even sweeter.

Love to you all!

Marcy

Curveball and Stuck in Neutral

Had I written this blog before today, I would have been sobbing the whole time while writing it. Last week was emotionally one of the toughest weeks I’ve had since I started this journey.

For starters, I’m still dealing with the feet and hand pain. The oncologist said this is a neuropathic side effect and could last months, which I assumed stupidly that it would go away in like two weeks. It gets less and less by the day, but I’m still wearing my tennis/comfort shoes and it hurts to write. My handwriting is horrible these days. Thankfully, it is easier to type.

As I stated in my last blog, I had two doctors’ appointments over the past two weeks. First was the visit to my plastic surgeon. Actually, that visit went okay. We discussed his part in the upcoming mastectomy surgery – he will be putting in the extenders and doing a skin graft for better results. I’ll be flat until he starts inflating the extenders, and he can’t start inflating until after radiation if I still need it. He said it would take two months to inflate them, one month to let them sit and then we could start the reconstruction stages, which would come in three separate outpatient procedures. He said the extender phase is painful. He said they don’t look normal and are very hard. So I asked him, “So what about a stomach sleeper like me?” He answered, “You better find another sleeping position or you’re going to be miserable.” Great. Another bummer was he said he couldn’t use my belly fat as thought before due to my blood clot history – too risky, so no tummy tuck for me!

The curveball came at my visit to my gynecological oncologist. I went in there thinking we were going to schedule the ovaries and fallopian tubes surgery, which I was hoping to do in March after race weekend. However, my doctor asked me, “What about your uterus?” I responded, “I thought I got to keep it so I could do a donor egg pregnancy.” He said, “But can you? If you can’t use it, I’d like to take it because it would be better for you side effect wise.” And then it hit me: Hormones. He told me to call my fertility doctor and my oncologist to figure it out and get back to him. My fertility doctor confirmed that a donor egg pregnancy would have to be supported through hormones. I called my oncologist and he said that he would never allow me to be on hormones again – that the only studies that have been done on hormones and cancer patients were on women who were cancer free for five years and taking hormones for menopause. He said no studies have been done on fertility drugs and since I had the BRCA gene that he can’t in good conscience ever allow me to take hormones again. I asked him about the doctor’s recommendation about taking the uterus and he said it would be a much safer surgery for me in the long run. So instead of having a smaller surgery, I’m having a full hysterectomy, which will require a six week recovery. My only options now for children are a surrogate with a donor egg or adoption. I know that’s not the end of the world, but it feels like it for me right now. I know I’ll get to that point one day where I will embrace those options, but right now my dream, which I thought wasn’t all that unrealistic because it seems the norm for most everyone in this world, has been shattered.

After talking to my oncologist, I lost it. It’s hard enough dealing with cancer alone, and then to lump all the fertility losses on top of it, I was officially in the mad and depressed stage of grief all at once – what I call “Stuck in Neutral.” I’m not moving forward, not moving backward. Just stuck. I don’t think I’ve cried this much in two weeks in my whole life. It’s been overwhelming. I know I should be thankful that I’m alive and that I will beat this disease, but I’m grieving for what I’m losing – my fertility and my body parts all the same time. I still can’t imagine what it will be like to wake up from surgery to find my breasts gone. I’m trying to prepare for that, but I feel I’ll have another wave of weepiness coming on afterwards.

Fortunately, I’ve begun seeing a counselor at cancer support at Piedmont Hospital and she’s helping me through all the myriad of emotions that go with a cancer patient. She’s a survivor, so not only is she licensed, she gets it and all her patients are cancer patients, so she’s extremely helpful. I’m also thankful to have my friend who survived leukemia. She’s been wonderful of helping me put my emotions into perspective and be okay with it all. Right now, I have to go through these mad and depressed stages to get out on the other side healthy. If not, all it will do is manifest itself somewhere and come out later in some form or fashion. As much as I’m thankful for all the supportive friends and family, sometimes it takes talking to someone who knows exactly what you are feeling and to let you know its okay to feel that way is reassuring. I’ve always been a glass half full person and it sucks to be so negative these days. Talking to these two wonderful women is certainly helping me slowly crawl out of my hole.

I know it’s a tough road ahead still even with chemo behind me. It will still have its ups and downs. My biggest downfall is my patience and I’m so ready to be on the road to recovery and I still have a long way to go before I get there. I want my life back right now and it can’t happen. I miss my life I had before this diagnosis. I get frustrated when my body won’t allow me to do the things I want to do. And for a person that isn’t patient, it isn’t a good combination. This disease wants you to take it “one day at a time” and I’m not good at that. I’m getting better at it, but it’s still a battle for me. But I’m trying though. That’s all I can do for now.

I’m glad I’m writing this now because after speaking to these two women and a few special friends, I have a renewed sense of optimism for the future – that there will be an even better version of me in the future – still me, but looking through a different set of lenses where you see the world more clearer and know what’s important. One of those friends was an ex-boyfriend from many moons ago; 22 years to be exact. He reminded me of the things that make me special and they have nothing to do with looks. He told me it’s what’s between my ears that makes me, me and to never forget that. Looks fade, but it’s what’s in my brain that makes me the woman I am – smart, confident, funny and beautiful. It’s hard to feel that way when your outward appearance is at its worst, but it was a great reminder and gave me great hope for the future of the woman I will be again one day when I’m done traveling this road.

Wish me luck on my surgery, that everything goes safely and smoothly – I’ve never had a five-hour surgery before and I’m very nervous. I think this is the first time in a long time that I can officially feel the butterflies in my stomach. I wish I didn’t have to wait another day.

Please also say a prayer I get good news on December 1 that I won’t need radiation. I realized that I was locked on that being the news because I felt I deserved a break with all the problems I’d had on this road so far, but after speaking to the counselor, I’ve prepared myself if it does come back that I need it instead of holding on tightly to what the doctor said. One day at a time, right?

Thank you all for your continued words of kindness and support.

With love,
Marcy

Chemo, Check. Mastectomy, Next.

I know in my last blog, I was really down. Sometimes you just have those days. Fortunately, I haven’t had many of them and have managed to stay positive most of the time. However, when Oct. 22 rolled around, I was in a GREAT mood. It was my last chemo and I was ready to celebrate having that behind me. Even though I knew I technically wasn’t “done” with chemo because I hadn’t suffered through the side effects, it would be the last time that I would have to do either.

While in my oncologist’s office, he said for the second time that I might not have to have radiation. I didn’t mention when he said it the first time because I didn’t want to get my heart set on not having to have it, only to get let down. But he said it a SECOND TIME! I’m not sure what he’s basing it on, but he’s said it twice now and that’s good enough for me. I guess it depends on the surgery and what they see on making that decision. I have a follow up appointment with him on Dec. 1 after the surgery and I guess we will wait and see what he says then. I don’t want to come this far and skimp at the end, but if he says I don’t need radiation, I won’t question him. In fact, I joked with him that if he tells me that good news, he better run because I plan on getting a running start and then leaping to give him the biggest bear hug of his life where he will land on his back on the floor. We both laughed, but seriously, that would be such great news to receive. If I do have to have radiation, it will require me to go every day, five days a week for six weeks, plus its side effects is extreme fatigue and to be quite honest, I’m tired of being tired all the time. I’d like to get this surgery over and done with and get to feeling better. Please say a prayer that I get to skip radiation.

Speaking of the surgery, we are all set for Thursday, Nov. 19. I can’t believe that’s only 2.5 weeks away. I will be out of work for two weeks and I know the recovery won’t be easy, but after enduring chemo, I feel I can take on anything.

This last chemo was the worst with the body aches by far. I had the chemo on Thursday and by Friday night the body aches had kicked in. They progressively got worse, so bad that it hurt to move by Sunday. My poor dad was with me on the Sunday and Monday following the chemo and he had to put up with my sobs. I know it sucks for a man to sit there and stare at someone he loves and cannot do anything to help. I know he was very uncomfortable and it hurt me to see the look on his face knowing he wanted to take my pain away. I worked from home Monday and Tuesday, sitting with my legs straight out, as from my knees down hurt. Wednesday, I went to the office (having a co-worker drive me) and worked from the office couch in the same position. By Thursday, I could drive myself to work and by Friday, I could walk without being in excruciating pain. I spent Saturday and Sunday with my parents for Halloween, just because I didn’t want to be alone – I was having one of those “I want my mommy” days. There’s nothing like having your mom take care of you. I actually had a great weekend with my parents and the family dog, and even took my first walk in weeks. As of right now, my hands and feet are still in pain, but it is bearable. The feeling is a combination of pain and numbness. I can’t wait until I have a day when I’m pain free – I’m not sure what that would be like.

I’m still trying to be careful and avoid crowds because I don’t want to get sick before my surgery. I know this surgery is going to have a tough recovery (they say it takes two weeks to even get to 90%) and I want to be as strong as I can be going into it. I’m still battling fatigue, so I’m still taking my naps during the day and going to bed early each night. I’m trying to stay as busy as possible before the surgery, just because each time I think about it, I start to get upset. I will work every weekday leading up until the surgery, so that will help to keep my mind occupied.

I’m trying to look at the bright side of the surgery, not only do I not have to do my hair anymore, I won’t have to wear a bra either. Boy do guys have it easy! The one thing that bums me out is I initially didn’t lose my eyelashes or eyebrows when my hair fell out, but for some reason over the past few weeks, they have started to go away. I have stopped wearing mascara for fear all my eyelashes will fall out and then how will I put in my contacts?

I know I haven’t blogged in awhile --- this last go round with the pain was the worst, so I’m sorry. Thanks to everyone who keeps sending me notes of encouragement; it really does help – putting a smile on my face and lifting my spirits up. I’ve got two more doctor appointments before the surgery so I will blog if I have any news coming out of those.

Gotta run – my hands are cramping up some as it hurts to type. Love to you all!

Love,
Marcy

Smiling through the Tears

I should be celebrating that I’m nearing the end of chemotherapy, but as I get closer to the end, the more depressed I seem to get. Today was one of the worst days I’ve had in a long time. I’ve pretty much cried the whole day for a myriad of reasons. First, I’m still in a lot of pain. I stopped taking the pain medicine Friday morning, just because it causes constipation and I hate to be on it longer than a week. I have finally realized for the remainder of my time with these poisonous drugs in my body, I will have to be on pain medicine. The body aches go away after about five to six days, but the pain in my feet is constant and now it is starting to remain in my hands too. I’ve also been having pain in my left breast from time to time – and I mean stabbing pain that lasts for about five minutes. I hope that it is my breast and not my heart. They say chemo weakens the heart and they did an echocardiogram prior to chemo to get a baseline reading – I wonder if they will do one afterwards to see how much damage was done. Regardless, I can’t figure out the cause of that stabbing pain – it happens usually a couple of times a week. I will wait until my next doctor’s appointment to ask about it.

Second, I was invited to go to the Susan G. Komen for the Cure of Greater Atlanta’s Pink Power Party which was held tonight. However, as bad as I felt this morning, I knew I wouldn’t be able to go. I can’t even put on a shoe with a low heel my feet are in so much pain. I’ve quit wearing normal shoes to work because I wear tennis shoes everywhere now. It infuriates me that my body won’t allow me to do the things I want to do. Last night I went out to dinner with my family to celebrate my mother’s birthday. I hurt all through dinner and after dinner my mom and I stopped by a local specialty grocery store and PetSmart since it was right next door, but it was painful the entire time and it was extremely tiring trying to go through both stores. And when I woke up this morning, I could barely get out of bed. The more I push my body, the worse I feel. It is extremely frustrating that I can’t do things I want to do due to the pain and fatigue and it makes you feel like a prisoner.

Third, I’m starting to focus more on the upcoming mastectomy surgery more. The idea of waking from a five-hour procedure and both my breasts will be gone is VERY upsetting. It’s not they are the greatest, but they are mine. MINE. I know they are sick and I know they need to be taken away, but the thought of waking up without them is indescribable and I think I’m already beginning to mourn that loss.

Finally, as I’m crying and watching TV this morning, I see a commercial of a mother who has just given birth, holding her newborn and it set me over the edge. I know that I will never go through that and it breaks my heart. Anything that has to do with mothers giving birth on TV, in movies, etc. just makes me cry. I’m not sure what it will take for me to come to terms with the fact I will never bear my own children when that’s all I’ve ever dreamed of my whole life.

Even with this depression, I know this whole process has made me stronger than I’ve ever imagined. Not only has it tested the strength of my body and what it can endure, it has also challenged me mentally. My whole life I’ve been a glass half-full person, yet here I sit today, only two and a half weeks from the end of chemo and I’m not celebrating. I don’t understand why I’m not. I should be and how far I’ve come since June 29, but I can’t. All I’m doing is focusing on the fear of the upcoming surgery and all that follows. It’s still a very long road ahead and even though I know that road will not be anywhere near as painful as the one that’s almost behind me, I’m still sad. I think this has to do with the fact that I’m a planner. I want to know when radiation will start and end and my doctors can’t tell me that because they can’t start it until my surgery wounds heal entirely and with me being on blood thinner shots, they have no idea how fast I will heal. I also want to know when we will be ready to do the reconstruction surgery and they can’t tell me that because I have no idea how long it will take to stretch the skin with the extenders and they can’t start that until after radiation ends. At work, all I’m doing is doing planning for 2010 and I can’t plan for myself – it’s frustrating. I’ve got a work trip scheduled for June 20 and I have no idea if I will have had my reconstruction surgery by then and again, that frustrates me and tests my patience. I wish I could just roll with the punches, take things as they come, realize that I’m not in control of the situation and just let it go. Yet when I’m at work, I’m doing all this planning and I think that is what has caused this frustration with the lack of scheduling of my medical journey.

Just this week I’ve decided to do a little documenting of my cancer battle. I haven’t taken any pictures really other than my initial short haircut and wig shopping. I’ve been afraid of taking a picture of myself bald. I don’t know why – probably because I think I look ugly. I thought I wouldn’t want to remember it, but I realize now I need to. I bought a shirt that says, “Cancer Sucks” with a pink ribbon exclamation point and I’m going to wear it when I take the picture. I’m also going to do my first nude picture in my life. I’m going to wear a hat a friend gave to me that says “Save the Ta-Tas” and take a picture of me wearing it and showing my own boobs before the mastectomy, just so I can remember what they used to look like. Please note, neither photo will be posted in my Facebook photo page (grin), but they will be for me. I know it seems silly, but for me, I just never want to forget this battle I’ve been through. I’m sure I’ll add a few more strange ones along the way like when I get my radiation tattoos or post-mastectomy when my breasts are gone.

I was also able to speak to my friend who battled leukemia I spoke of in my last blog this week. I was such a great phone call – we laughed some and cried some and it was just so great to hear her voice. It sucks that it has taken cancer for the two of us to reconnect, but I know I’ll be in contact with her more from now on out. She’s become a source of strength and inspiration for me. When I was first diagnosed with cancer, I didn’t want to confide or speak with anyone else who has had cancer even though I had many great people reach out to me. I was just too scared due to the fear of the unknown – I was petrified and wanted to be in the dark. She reached out at just the right time and I’m ready to have that person in my life now to be able to relate to and I’m glad she’s the one. I guess a greater power sends people to us just at the right time and I’m extremely grateful she’s in my life now.

I know many of you keep asking about dates of things, so here’s what is coming up:
Thursday, Oct. 22 – Final Chemotherapy treatment
Wednesday, Nov. 4 – appointment with the plastic surgeon (final one before the mastectomy)
Tuesday, Nov. 10 – appointment with the gynecological oncologist (hopefully to schedule surgery to have my ovaries and fallopian tubes removed)
Thursday, Nov. 19 – mastectomy surgery (skin saving mastectomy, port removal and insertion of the extenders to prepare for the breast reconstruction surgery – I will be in the hospital for a couple of days and out of work for two weeks).

As for this last note, my mom told me I needed to clarify this as she said she was confused when she read the press release. When I spoke about the “Helmet of Hope” with the Jimmie Johnson Foundation in a previous blog, Jimmie’s Foundation didn’t donate the money to me, they donated it to the Susan G. Komen for the Cure Greater Atlanta chapter in my name/my honor. A media member wrote into the Jimmie Johnson Foundation to nominate the Atlanta Komen chapter in my honor. What makes all of this even cooler is Jimmie won the race in California last weekend when he ran that paint scheme. Mom and I ordered t-shirts to support the cause. You can too if you want as proceeds from sales of the t-shirts goes directly to the 12 charities on his helmet, which the Atlanta Komen chapter was one of those 12, and you can purchase the shirts here: http://jimmiejohnson.shop.sportstoday.com/Product.aspx?cp=15833_16010&pc=JJCT072#.

Thanks to everyone’s continued notes of support and encouragement. You’d think I’d be handling things better at this point, but there’s no guidebook to the cancer path. Let’s hope I can start getting into a celebration mood more than the depressed place I’ve been lately. I’m finding times I can smile through the tears and that’s a great feeling.

With love to you all,
Marcy

No News is Good News

I haven’t blogged in awhile, but didn’t realize that it has been almost two weeks since my last one. I’ve been trying to keep to a once a week schedule, but to be honest, I haven’t had much to report, which in the world of being sick is a good thing.

The blood clots I’ve been dealing with have finally stopped hurting. The arm with the clots is more swollen than the other and you can see all the veins in the arm, but at least it isn’t hurting. My port will be coming out during my mastectomy surgery, so hopefully no more clots to deal with ever again.

I’m becoming a pro at giving myself the shots with the blood thinner medicine. It’s actually scary how well I can do it now – but that doesn’t mean I like it one bit. I cringe every night when the clock shows 9 p.m. and it is time for my shot. Sometimes it hurts a lot and sometimes its okay. I have all these little poke holes all over my stomach. When I go to give a shot each night, I look for spot where I have no puncture hole.

Speaking of stomachs, I forgot to put something in my last blog. When I went to see my plastic surgeon, he said something to me and I’m not sure if I should be cheering or taking it as a back-handed compliment. While doing his evaluation, he told me, “You only have enough belly fat to make one boob.” Not sure if that’s a good thing or not, but at least it gave me and my girlfriends a great laugh. In fact, many of my friends asked if they could donate their belly fat to make the other boob. Needless to say, I guess I’m getting a tummy tuck and new boobs at the same time.

I still haven’t come to terms with that – fake boobs. Not like the elective surgery kind. All fake. Tattooed nipples. Possibly never regaining feeling in them. Sometimes I think, “What’s the point?” And on top of all of those things, they would just be in the way of my golf swing. Then all I have to do is envision myself in a bathing suit with no boobs and it becomes and easy decision to have the surgery.

My second Taxol treatment went as expected. I had the bad body aches for about six days, starting about 24 hours after the chemo is administered. However, the aches never went away in my feet. They still hurt as I type this. It’s a combined feeling of achiness and the feeling of your foot being asleep; it’s a strange combination. My doctor also told me that the blood transfusion helped. My count was 7.8 before it and it was 10.8 that day. Normal is 14. They are keeping an eye on my levels, hoping it doesn’t dip low again. I think the transfusion was a great thing because I think it has helped my energy level greatly.

In fact, I’ve been able to get back to doing a few “normal” things with this new energy. For weeks on end, I hadn’t eaten out or gone anywhere. I’ve had to send my family to pick up things when I’ve needed them. But in the past two weeks, I’ve been to the grocery store twice now. It’s funny how you miss normal things when you don’t get to do them. I was so excited to be able to pick out things that I wanted. My first treat was Coca-Cola in glass bottles.

Two weekends ago the day after my Taxol treatment, I told my mom, “Let’s go to Target before the body aches set in,” so off we went. Even though it was only an hour outing, it was great to be out. Last weekend after the body aches had subsided some, Mom and I went to Macy’s. It’s amazing what a little retail therapy can do. I even ventured out to a nice dinner one night with a girlfriend and last Saturday while shopping with my mom, went to Pappasita’s Cantina and had Mexican food for the first time since early July. If you know me well, you know how much I love Mexican food. It has been very nice to have a few days of normalcy the past couple of weekends in between the onset of the body pain.

Mom helped me last weekend put out a few Halloween decorations – I don’t have many, but it helps create a sense of normalcy that you are continuing to do the things you normally do. She even bought me a Target a new Halloween welcome mat with a kitty cat on it, so it’s real cute.

While mom and I were talking about Halloween decorations, we started talking about Christmas. Decorating for Christmas is a big deal for my family. If you think I’m bad, you should see my mother’s house. I usually decorate for Christmas the weekend before Thanksgiving because our family normally goes out of town the weekend of Thanksgiving. However, this year, I will be recovering from my mastectomy around that time, so she said we would decorate the weekend before surgery, so I will have my Christmas tree up starting November 14. Scary to have it up that early, but I don’t want to decorate the second week of December and have it up for only a few weeks.

I originally thought my mastectomy date would be Tuesday, November 17. However, when you have to coordinate two doctors’ schedules, you don’t always get what you want. We have a final date now: Thursday, November 19 at 8 a.m. I have to be there at 6 a.m. – how fun!

My last appointment with my breast surgeon went well. The cancer looks like it is shrinking and responding to the chemo well, so we are both very happy. In fact, the next time I see her will be at the surgery date – she says I’m good to go!

And even better news, is I only have TWO MORE CHEMO TREATMENTS TO GO!!!!! I can’t believe the time has flown so fast. Two more. Wow! Thursday, Oct. 8 and Thursday, Oct. 22. By the time Halloween arrives, I will consider myself done because hopefully, all the side effects will have subsided by then.

Sorry to be “offline” for so long. I just thought I hadn’t had much to say, but after typing this, I guess I did.

It’s good to have a few days of feeling like a normal person again – even if you only are operating at 85%. That’s great for a cancer patient.

On a final note, the last week I’ve been in a funk. Very sad about having cancer and the road I’m having to travel. I had a friend reach out to me that had leukemia almost three years ago. I kept up with her during her battle via a mutual friend, sent her a care package when she was sick, but never was inside her head with what she was going through because she didn’t blog or do the Facebook thing that everyone does now. This week she sent me a care package. And what was in it was so special. She sent me some hats, but instead of blogging about her journey, she wrote a journal – now let me tell you, this is no journal; it’s a full blown book and what a gift it was. I spent last night reading the first half of it – I couldn’t put it down. It was so great to hear from her and to be able to relate to her and all she went through now that I’ve been through a lot of those similar things. It meant so much to be able to read what was going through her head, so hopefully this blog is doing the same for all my friends. I can’t wait to read the second half of her story and give her a call to catch up. It’s also given me perspective. All my friends have been telling me how strong I’ve become during my battle with cancer, but after reading her story, she’s my new hero. Anytime I start to bitch and complain about how bad I have it, I will think of her and shut my mouth. I want to thank her for dragging me out of my funk. It was the perfect timing.

With love to you all,
Marcy

Blood Clot No. 4, Plastic Surgeon and Helmet of Hope

It’s been almost a week since the last blog and I thought, “Certainly, we are all downhill from here.” Not so.

I went to see my plastic surgeon on Friday and had felt a pain in my right elbow since the day before. I asked him that even though that wasn’t his specialty, did he think it was a blood clot because it had the symptoms of the previous three that I had already been diagnosed with. He said he thought so, wrote up the order for the ultrasound (so I didn’t have to go over to my oncologist, wait to be seen, just to get the order – which was SOOO nice of him). I went over to get the ultrasound, saw the same great tech that found clots No. 2 and 3, and she said, “Yep, here’s No. 4.” Took the results to my oncologist and they said they were “sorry that I was having such a hard time with all of this. That some people are just very sensitive and I’m just one of those patients that are going to have a hard time.” Great.

I’ve been very discouraged that I have side effect after side effect. I’m ready to get through this. The only thing that keeps me going is I have three more chemos to go. Three more then I’m done with this crap of feeling bad all the time.

Good news is I think the blood transfusion has helped with my energy level. The doctors said my hemoglobin levels were low when they ordered it last week. I didn’t know much about what hemoglobin numbers mean and a nurse friend of mine explained it to me. Normally, a man is around a 16; women 14. My nurse friend’s dialysis patients dip down to a 12 and I was a 7.8. SEVEN POINT EIGHT! No wonder why I had no energy!!!! I’m still tired quite a bit, but I do think it has helped as I’m able to do more things than I used to be.

Back to the plastic surgeon – he was great. I think I’m going to really like him. I’ve heard two people say he’s the “rock star” of breast reconstruction. He will work hand in hand with my breast surgeon for the mastectomy which is scheduled for November 17. Here’s what will happen:
1) Breast surgeon will remove all breast tissue – ALL of it.
2) Removal of my port used for chemotherapy.
3) They will put a stain in my lymph nodes to see which have been affected by the cancer and remove those. (Let’s hope it’s not too many so I don’t have to deal with lymphodema).
4) Next the plastic surgeon will insert extenders under my muscle and skin. Each extender will have a valve where the doctor can insert saline weekly to stretch the skin. It’s kind of like filling your bike tire with air. They insert the saline and it won’t leak out. Kinda cool.

I’m not sure how long the procedure will last. My breast surgeon said her part is 2.5 hours. Have no idea how long the plastic surgeon’s part is. This will be a big surgery. I will be in the hospital about two days and then have to wear drains for two weeks. I will be taking off almost two weeks of work to recover.

My breast surgeon said I will be able to start radiation anywhere from two to six weeks following the mastectomy depending on how I heal, but the plastic surgeon can’t start inflating the extenders until I finish radiation, which takes six weeks. So I have no idea when I’ll be able to have my reconstruction surgery.

Which means, I’ll be flat as a pancake for several months? I’m not sure how I will deal with no boobs at all. They say you can do prosthesis in your normal bras or padding to feel “normal.” I’m not sure about all that. I can’t wrap my head around not having boobs yet. I’ve read books that you should shop in advance to get ready for post surgery but I’m having a hard time thinking about that. Waking up to a bare chest. My grandmother had only one boob her whole life and I remember seeing her like that when I was young. It was weird. I know that’s going to affect how I feel about myself, even if I wear a prosthesis or padding. I wish I could say I was stronger and it didn’t matter, but I know it will.

I’ve finally think I’ll be ready soon to start seeing a therapist to help me get through all of these issues. Chemo has been too overwhelming, so I think after the mastectomy, I’m going to start seeing this woman who came well recommended and deals primarily with breast cancer patients. Even though I think I’m handing all of this okay, but I know I haven’t started dealing with the loss of fertility among all other issues. I think I’ve been pretty positive throughout this, but I can’t say that I don’t cry and get down sometimes. It’s too overwhelming and I know that a therapist will be able to help me sort through it all. I’m working on getting my body healed, but I’ve got to get help my mind get healthy by processing it all as best I can.

I have my second Taxol treatment this week. The bad body pains seem to last about six days. I think I would’ve had a bit of a break the last chemo cycle had I not had the blood transfusion and blood clot No. 4. I still have the pain of the clots every day, even today. They say it takes two to three weeks for the clot pain to subside and four to six months for them to heal entirely. Ugh. I hope I get some relief soon.

To end on a positive note, a really cool NASCAR media member (and great person to boot) did something nice in my honor. NASCAR driver Jimmie Johnson is going to wear a “Helmet of Hope” during the Oct. 11 NASCAR race in California. The helmet will feature 12 charities and each charity will receive $1,048 (for those of you that aren’t NASCAR fans, Jimmie’s car number is 48). Jimmie’s foundation is selling t-shirts to honor the helmet/charities and all proceeds of the sale of t-shirts will be sent to the 12 charities. This media member nominated the Susan G. Komen for the Cure Greater Atlanta in my honor and I was extremely touched and grateful that he did that. See full story: http://www.jimmiejohnsonfoundation.org/News/News-Archives/Final-Two-Charities-Selected-for-Helmet-of-Hope.aspx. The t-shirts are $10.00 and you can visit here if you are interested in buying one: http://www.jimmiejohnsonfoundation.org/Events/Helmet-of-Hope.aspx.

Thanks to everyone keeping up with me and sending all the love, support and well wishes.

Love you all!

Marcy

Seriously?!

It’s kind of ironic that I start out my blog with “Seriously?!” this time, since it’s exactly one week before one of my favorite shows, Grey’s Anatomy, comes back on. If you watch Grey’s Anatomy, you know they use the word seriously seriously too much.

I had updated you on the two new blood clots in the last blog and the shots I’m giving myself. Unfortunately, the shots haven’t gotten any easier – it still sucks to do it and the clot pains not subsided yet. I’m hoping for some relief there soon. The doctors say 2-3 weeks for the swelling and pain to go away and four to six months for them to actually heal.

I was eager to see if this new regimen, Taxol, would be easier. It started off well on Thursday (day of treatment) and Friday, but by Saturday, I started to feel bad. Good news is the nausea is not as bad. I usually feel really nauseas in the morning, sometimes to the point of dry heaving, but I make sure I eat first thing and I’m okay. If I start to feel queasy through the day, I just make sure I eat something and it usually subsides. The bad news about Taxol is it is giving me horrid body aches. And when I say body aches, it is from head to toe --- joints, muscles, everything. Only thing I can try to relate it to is if someone ran a marathon that they never trained for and finished the whole thing (which is impossible I know), but how sore you would be the next day. It hurts to walk, to move and is just plain miserable. Thus far on this first treatment, it lasted five days. My doctors have upped my pain medicine to try to manage through it, so hopefully it will be more tolerable the next cycle. Who knows?

I had to go back to my oncologist yesterday to get my blood levels checked. They were extremely low, so I had to get a blood transfusion – first one of my life. Anemia can be a side effect of chemo and guess what? I got it! It seems that if there is a side effect, I’m bound to get it. Yesterday was very long -- we got to the doctor at 7:45 a.m. and we didn’t leave the hospital until 4 p.m. On a positive note, my mom said I looked better after the transfusion with some color in my face. I’m hoping it will improve my energy level. When I told a friend of mine who is a nurse what my blood levels were, she couldn’t believe how low it was and said it was no wonder why I had no energy at all.

I started crying with my oncologist told me I had anemia. (This is when I was like, Seriously?! What next!!!!) I just couldn’t understand why I continue to have side effect after side effect and complication after complication. All she said was some people are just very sensitive and I’m just one of those people. She was very sympathetic and said she was very sorry that I was having such a hard time. She said some people breeze through it and it’s not that bad and I’m one of those patients whose body just can’t handle it well.

At this point, the only thing that keeps me positive is that I have three more treatments and I’m done. THREE MORE! I’m over halfway and if I can just manage through seven more weeks, I’ll be done with the worst part of treatment. There’s plenty more to come, but I believe that if I’ve been able to get through chemo, everything else I’ve got to do can’t be anywhere near as painful.

Next up is meeting with the plastic surgeon that will be involved in my mastectomy surgery and will do the reconstruction. I’ve heard from a couple of breast cancer survivors that he’s the rock star of breast reconstruction, so I think I’m in good hands.

I pray that next week I’ll get a bit of a break and have a few days of feeling better – praying that the body aches go away, the blood transfusion makes me feel better and the blood clot pain starts to decrease.

That’s all I have for now and let’s hope I don’t have anymore of those unexpected “Seriously?!” moments.

With love,
Marcy

Blood Clot, Booster, Birthday, Boobs and Blood Count

I had my last “Red Devil” treatment on August 27 and I had hoped it would go similar to the third chemo treatment cycle – 10 days of feeling bad and then break of four days of feeling somewhat well. However, I wasn’t so lucky this time. For starters, my doctor put me on Tamiflu, a flu prevention medicine so I wouldn’t get sick since my immune system is weakened. One of Tamiflu’s side effects is nausea, so I was nauseas those four days that would’ve normally been my “good days.” I was also in pain those days with pain in my right arm – symptoms similar to the first blood clot. I went to the doctor on Tuesday, Sept. 8 and was diagnosed with another blood clot. Even on the blood thinner medicine, I still managed to clot in two places in my upper right arm and armpit area and the doctors can’t seem to explain why this is happening. When my oncologist came into to the office to tell me, he had this look on his face that said, “You’re not going to like this news.” So I said to him, “Give me the bad news.” He said, “We are taking you off the blood thinner pills and you’re going to have to go to daily injections for 90 days.” At that point, I started crying. I’ve had a life long fear of needles and the last time I was on the blood thinner shots, I had to rely on my dad and two girlfriends to get me through the 10 days the doctor had me on them. However, when the doctor said 90 days, I knew I couldn’t rely on anyone but myself, which made my cry harder. I had to overcome this fear to take care of myself. I use the analogy of a person with an extreme fear of heights having to jump out of burning building. You realize you have no choice – no choice but to do what you have to do to take care of yourself. I had the sweetest nurse at the doctor’s office that helped me through it. Initially, she said she was going to show me how to do it and I said no that I needed to do it myself. When she came in the room with the shot, I said to her, “Give it to me.” I opened the packaging, prepared the shot, stared at the needle for the longest time and when it came time to stick myself, it took my quite awhile to get up the nerve to stick myself. I was really proud of myself for doing it. I overcame my fear because I had no other option but to do so. I’m still in pain with the clot, managing it with pain meds again.

I also stayed home from the race last weekend – the doctor would not allow me to work due to my weakened immune system. It was difficult. I still worked from home – handling phone calls and putting out fires while out the house. I also watched every hour of the TV broadcasts all weekend to feel like I was there. I’ll be honest, it was hard. On Saturday night, when they did the flyover and national anthem, I started crying. I wanted to be there so badly. You put so many months of work into one of these weekends and not to be able to be there to see the fruits of your labor is disappointing. It was hard especially, since it was a successful weekend and not to be there for our inaugural event. I’m proud of my team for all they did and can’t thank my counterpart from my sister track who came in for a week to stand in for me. I’m blessed to work with such amazing people.

Chemo thus far has not been easy for me. In two months, I’ve had four good days and it is disappointing. I’ve had days full of tears because it just gets to me that I feel bad so often. It’s also hard feeling like you are in prison of sorts. I go to work and I go home. I never get to go anywhere. I’ve eaten out in a restaurant four times in two months and the bulk of my time I spend at home. I’m thankful for the friends that come over and keep me company and help me with meals, chores, etc. With chemo, the more you rest your body, the better off you are – the more you tax it, the more exhausted you get, which usually results in lots of tears and exhaustion. It amazes me how much sleep my body needs.

Wednesday was my birthday – 09/09/09 – a once in a lifetime birthday called a “golden birthday” that I wish I could’ve celebrated in a big way, but I’m took sick to do so. I’m wondering if there is some hidden message that I had my once in a lifetime birthday while going through a once in a lifetime health battle. Maybe I will be enlightened at some point.

I also met with my breast surgeon on Wednesday. We went over my test results to see how the size of my cancer is shrinking from the chemo and we got great news. Everything is shrinking really well and she was pleased with the progress. We set a surgery date for the mastectomy – November 17. I will spend about 2 days in the hospital recovering and 2 weeks at home. She explained how they determine during the surgery how many lymph nodes are affected with cancer, which determines how many they remove. How many they remove will also determine if I’ll have to battle lymphedema after surgery; let’s hope I don’t. We also picked a plastic surgeon that will be involved with the mastectomy surgery, putting in the extenders to stretch my skin and then will also do the reconstruction once I’m healed, sometime in 2010. The extender part is weird. I’ll start out flat following the mastectomy and little by little they will inflate the extenders to stretch my skin and muscles. I think this process will be strange and I’m sure I’ll feel self-conscious during this process. It will be an awkward time for me as I’ll have no boobs and my hair will be growing out at the same time, so I’m sure I’ll struggle with self-image and feeling pretty during that part of my recovery. I’m hoping by the time the reconstruction happens, my hair will have grown out some and I’ll start to feel like a confident, attractive woman again. Right now, I feel so bad, I don’t care how I look to be honest, but I know feeling attractive will be an issue later on.

Yesterday was my first Taxol chemo treatment – No. 5 of 8, so we’re moving along! Chemo will be done by the end of October, so I’m counting down. The nausea does not seem as bad on Taxol, and the first treatment took six hours to administer, because there is serious concern for allergic reaction on Taxol. Fortunately, yesterday went smoothly without any issue. Some of the most common side effects on Taxol are allergic reaction, numbness in fingertips and toes, plus brittleness of your nails, so far as they could even fall off. Please pray for me that I won’t experience any of those side effects. The doctors still say I will battle fatigue, but I can handle that if I can get rid of the nausea. My doctor also told me yesterday that my blood counts are very low. I have to go in next week to get them tested again if they are still low, I will have to get a blood transfusion, so please pray that my blood counts improve.

Thank you everyone again for your love, support, encouragement and birthday wishes.

With love,
Marcy

The Last of the “Red Devil”

Today marks my halfway point of chemo – I will be taking my fourth of eight chemo treatments and it is the last of the “Red Devil” Adriamyacin/Cytoxin drugs. I met with my oncologist last week and he said that when I switch over to Taxol for the last four treatments that I should find some relief with the nausea, but I will still battle the fatigue.

I’ve been pretty lucky so far with the side effects from chemo. The doctors told me I could bank on nausea, hair loss and fatigue, but there were 20 other things that may or may not happen. I had the blood clot and have had only one or two other side effects that have been easily managed with drugs, so I think I’m doing okay, thankfully.

The hardest side effect for me has been the fatigue. The nausea sucks, but I think we’ve been able to get a good combination of drugs that have helped quite a bit, but still doesn’t let me eat very much. I’ve been trying to work throughout this whole process and I’ve realized I can’t do what I used to be able to do. The company I work for is going to work with me and let me work a few days from home each chemo cycle. This will help rest my body more (not commuting, going to meetings, etc., and keeping my body still as much as possible), while keeping my mind occupied. I love my job and want to work because I think it’s good for me.

However, this poses a problem with next week. Next week is race week, one of the most fast and furious weeks at work each year. Race week consists actually of 11 days, as the race falls on the weekend and we work the week after the race through Thursday. All I know is I can’t work 11 days straight. Heck, right now, I can’t even do five days straight after chemo. The other concern is the actual race weekend. I’m not sure if I will even be able to be at the race now. I thought I was going to be able to, but now I’ve got concerns. If I work race weekend, I will come in contact with hundreds of people, who will be coming in from all over the country. One of the things chemo does is weaken your immune system. I’m concerned about all the people that I would talk to, those that would want to hug me, shake my hand, let me know they care about me. As much as that would help me emotionally, will it make me susceptible to getting sick? My mom has a neighbor who has breast cancer and she was in the hospital last week because she caught a cold. The last thing I want to do is get sick on top of all of this and with all the recent reports of the flu going around, I’m not sure what to do. I see my doctor today and I’m going to ask his opinion. He will also be checking my white and red blood cell count to let me know how susceptible to infection I am and that will probably determine the decision.

I am also sad to be missing my 20 year high school reunion this weekend. It would be so great to see all my friends, but I guess it is just not in the cards for me this year.

On a positive note, after having a horrible start to my last chemo treatment, I ended on a high note. The past four days (Sunday – Wednesday) were the best four days I’ve had since this whole journey started. I had great energy, I ate normal foods for a change and my friends I spoke to all said I sounded like the “old Marcy.” I ate a slice of cheese pizza once and even made a taco salad at home – I really miss Mexican food! So I am thankful for those few “good” days and hope there are more to come.

Wish me luck with this last “red devil” chemo. I am so glad it is the last one, but am anxious going in today as I know how bad it sucks. I will be recovering at home all weekend, and then go back to work Monday. I know work needs me there as much as possible with it being race week, but I’ve got to manage taking care of my body while being there as much as I can. That is weighing on my mind a lot and I’m trying to figure out how to manage both.

Next up, I meet with my breast surgeon on Sept. 9 to finalize the mastectomy date – which is slated for Nov. 17 right now and to select a plastic surgeon for my reconstruction surgery next year. I’ve got four big hurdles following chemo: the mastectomy surgery, 6 weeks of radiation, the ovaries/fallopian tubes surgery and the breast reconstruction surgery. My goal (based on my doctors’ timelines) is to have everything completed by June 1 next year. That way, I’ve given up one year of my life to this mess and I can move forward. It would also be nice to have boobs for the summer by the pool (grin).

Thanks to everyone’s continued support and well wishes. Celebrate we are halfway with chemo!

With love,
Marcy

Not Enough Good Days

I know I haven’t updated in since a week ago, but I haven’t been inspired. I’ve been in a bit of a funk – just a bit depressed about how bad the chemo is affecting me and how much I miss feeling well. After my second chemo, I was looking forward to seeing what a “good” day would be like and it wasn’t as good as I had hoped. For me, a good day means I can make my own breakfast, pack my lunch for work and drive myself to and from work and make myself dinner by myself. I had really hoped for much more from a “good” day, but unfortunately, it wasn’t and it was a let down for me. I seem to be able to take care of myself for about five out of every 14 days in a chemo cycle.

On a positive note, the benefit last Saturday was success and I have so many people to thank who put in countless hours trying to do something nice for me. We still have quite a few auction items that did not sell, so I’ll be posting some on craigslist in the weeks moving forward. It was also great to be able to see so many friends that night even though I was exhausted the next day. I can’t even put into words how much it meant to me to have all the friends and family who showed up to support me.

Thursday, I had my third of eight chemo treatments and it seems to be getting worse, not better in the days following. I spent Thursday, Friday and Saturday on the couch. Today I was able to get out for a few hours to do some errands, but I really didn’t feel like it. I still can’t seem to figure out the food – there are just a few things that I can stomach eating following chemo and I’m dealing with the metallic taste in my mouth.

I also can’t believe how much I’m battling nausea. My doctors have tried to help as much as possible. They have extended the big anti-nausea medicine (Emend) by two days and instead of having to take the Zofran every four hours, they have given me a patch that will last a week. It will also assist me not having to get up in the middle of the night to take the medicine to stay on the four hour schedule.

My mom has been staying with me starting with my Thursday chemo treatment and staying through the Monday morning. I’ve got a co-worker who takes me to and from work each Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday following chemo. And I’ve also got some great girlfriends who will be spending Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday nights following chemo to help me with household chores, dinner and company, just because going to work sucks every amount of energy out of me. I’m trying to rest my body as much as possible while balancing trying to work through this whole process. I couldn’t be getting through this without all the help from my friends and family.

All I keep praying for is that when I switch over to the Taxol chemo, it won’t be as bad with the nausea. I only have one more of the Adriamyacin/Cytoxin cycle on August 27 and I will be happy to get that one under my belt. My Taxol chemos will fall on Sept. 10, Sept. 24, Oct. 8 and Oct. 22 and we are hoping for less nausea under Taxol. .

The race is coming up in just a few weeks and I won’t be able to be there like I normally am. I plan on being there as much as I can during the weekend, but just not from open to close hours like I have in the past. It will be weird not to be there the whole time, but I’ve got a great staff and one of my sister track counterparts will be coming in to pinch-hit for me all race week, and for that, I am thankful.

Thanks again for everyone’s love, support and words of encouragement.

Love,
Marcy

Finally, A Break!

I haven’t updated my blog since my last chemo treatment 10 days ago. Even though this was going to be the second chemo treatment, I really felt like I was starting over figuring out what my symptoms were going to be since the last time we went from the first chemo treatment to the blood clot and then straight into the second chemo treatment with little time to rest.

My blood clot has still not dissolved. My doctors say it can take two to three weeks to subside and it has only been two weeks. It is still tender to the touch and a bit swollen, but doesn’t impact my movement too much in that area and I’m real careful now not to put too much pressure on it.

My doctors have also put my on a blood thinner medicine for the next three months to make sure I do not get any more clots. This requires my blood to be checked once a week to make sure we are getting the right dose to keep my blood at the appropriate level.

Following the July 30 chemo, I was hoping it would be an easier go-round with the symptoms. I usually just sleep a lot the night following the chemo treatment. The anti-nausea drug and steroid the doctors provide me actually allow me to function quite well the days following chemo. Friday, I work from home; Saturday, I had enough energy to run a few errands – last Saturday, my mom and I were out for about five hours and I think I need to limit that to no more than three going forward, as Sunday, I was really tired and just laid on the couch all day – I think I overdid it on Saturday being out too much.

What is disappointing to me is that as soon as I come off the great anti-nausea medicine and the steroid, I start to struggle. That following Monday through Thursday are the worst days for me. The nausea is unbearable and I have an especially hard time with it in the mornings. I have a hard time finding things to eat. I have asked a co-worker to drive me to work on those days as the one hour commute in and one hour commute home are too taxing. I sleep in the car those two hours. I also take a nap during my lunch break at work which helps tremendously, but by the time I get home at 6 p.m., I am glued to my couch; I have no energy to do anything and drift in and out of sleep. I’ve had many friends offer to start staying with me on those Monday – Wednesday nights to help me as I deal with the fatigue and nausea assisting with dinner, household chores, etc.

Thursday of this week, I hit a low point. I had felt like I hadn’t had a break yet since the chemo started. I couldn’t believe it had been a week since chemo and I was still tired and dealing with the nausea. I cried and was so mad that I just wanted a day when I could get a break.

I woke up yesterday morning still nauseas. I got to work, still dry heaving at 9:30 a.m. But by 10 a.m., I turned a corner. I felt the nausea had subsided and had a bit more energy. I still slept during the hour commute home, but when I got home, I wasn’t glued to the couch as I had been the prior four days. I still rested, but felt I had energy to do a few chores around the house.

FINALLY! I felt I had gotten a break! I wasn’t feeling great, but I wasn’t miserable as I had been for the whole week. And today I woke up feeling even better and had no morning nausea at all. I think I might actually be able to have about five days between chemo treatments now where a get a bit of a break and can feel okay for a few days. I am so happy!

My doctors have also told me that the chemo drugs I am on right now (Adriamycin and Cytoxin) come with a lot of nausea. They call Adriamycin “The Red Devil” because it causes so much nausea. I have two more treatments of those drugs, and the final four treatments will be with a drug called Taxol, which the doctors have informed me should reduce the nausea by 50%, so maybe I will only have two more bad treatments and get some better relief for the final four treatments.

Even though I am still struggling with foods, I’m trying to eat more often (small portions) every two to three hours to see it that will help with the nausea. It worked yesterday, so I’m going to try that for the entire week following the next round of chemo.

What’s most important is I am actually excited about tonight’s benefit and think I will feel decent during the event. I’m trying to rest a lot today so I have as much energy possible for the party. I was so worried all week that I wouldn’t feel well enough to attend, but I think I’ve finally turned a corner.

Thanks for everyone’s love and support. I’m looking forward to seeing everyone that is coming out for tonight’s event. I am blessed to have so many friends who have worked countless hours putting this event on and I cannot say thank you enough to all of them.

With Love,
Marcy

Hoping It Gets Better

I just finished today with my second chemo appointment. The past two weeks since my first chemo appointment have been the roughest in my life, which is why I haven’t been able to update much.

I had my first chemo on Thursday, July 16 and felt bad that Thursday and Friday, battling nausea and fatigue. Saturday and Sunday went pretty well except for one of my anti-nausea medicines caused nerve issues (jaw tightening and swollen tongue), so they swapped it out for another drug. I thought I was going to be fine on Monday, but that’s when the pain in the right shoulder started. I also battled with nausea on Monday through Wednesday. The pain got so bad in the shoulder I ended up being hospitalized on Saturday where they diagnosed me with a blood clot in the right side of my neck. That hospital stay was way worse than any side effects from chemo – toughest three days of my life thus far.

I was discharged from the hospital Monday night and I worked from home Tuesday and Wednesday. I’ve been receiving blood thinner shots twice a day since I’ve been home. My dad had to get trained how to do it and he’s been my hero, being able to give me my shots each day.

I haven’t been alone since Saturday night. My mom was with me throughout the hospital stay, my dad stayed with me for two days, my brother spent the night with me last night (on his birthday, no less), so I’ve had a lot of help. I’ve got my mom and a girlfriend helping me this weekend through chemo and two girlfriends who are nurses who will also help administer the shots over the next week and a half. There’s a chance we will be done with the shots on Monday, so keep your fingers crossed my blood levels come back to where we can quit those. I think God is determined for me to overcome my fear of needles through this whole thing.

I know many of you have reached out to want to help, come see me, etc. Because these first two weeks were so rough, I haven’t felt good at all. I’ve needed constant help from family and close friends. My parents want me to have someone with me overnight each night until this blood clot dissolves. I hope once we get through this blood clot I will be open to having visitors. There will be plenty of time that I will want to have some company, but right now I’m not up for it as I’m just trying to focus and manage through all the symptoms being thrown at me. It amazes me how many medicines I’m taking to manage this process.

I didn’t have a chance to update you on one of my doctor’s appointment from last week. I saw my gynecological oncologist on Friday to learn more about my risk of developing ovarian cancer. He told me since I have tested positive for the BRCA-1 gene, I have a 40%-60% chance of developing ovarian cancer, depending on the study you look at. No good screening process exists for ovarian cancer. And while there is a 4 out of 5 survival rate for breast cancer, the survival rate for ovarian cancer is 1 out of 5, so all of those numbers and unknowns scared me. With all of information, I have made the decision to have the surgery to remove my ovaries and fallopian tubes next year in 2010.

I made this decision for the following reasons:
1) The percentages are too large and the screening process is not good and I don’t want to take any chances.
2) Even if my eggs do survive chemotherapy, I would want have to have my eggs genetics tested to make sure I do not pass down that gene.
3) The fact that I won’t be ready to attempt to conceive naturally by March of next year (as I have no idea who the father would be); I would be looking at an egg harvest to use my eggs at a later day. Harvesting eggs requires a large amount of hormones to be given to me during that process and medically, it isn’t in my best interest to be pumping more hormones into my body.

With my decision, here are my future reproductive options:
1) I don’t need my ovaries and uterus to carry a child, so I could carry one with a donor egg at later date – this is the least likely option to me as I’m not sure I want to put my body through a pregnancy after 40 (which is tougher on the body) especially since I would have spent the prior two years undergoing a massive amount of medical procedures/surgeries. I just think this might be too hard on my body too quickly after all is being done to it over the next two year.
2) Donor egg carried by surrogate.
3) Adoption.

The side effect of having my ovaries and fallopian tubes taken at such young age is it will put me into early menopause. Even worse is most menopause patients are given hormones to help manage their symptoms and I am not allowed to take any more hormones for the rest of my life. That will be another obstacle to overcome on the other side of this journey.

I just keep praying for some good news somewhere soon. I pray this chemo doesn’t affect my body too badly over the next week and that this blood clot heals as soon as possible – they say that is a two-three week process. I would love nothing more than to actually have a week in-between chemo appointments when I actually feel okay. I am really looking forward to the August 8 event and it would be so amazing to actually feel decent for a change. As bad as it’s been lately, I’m hoping it can only get better from here.

Thanks for keeping up with me.

Love,
Marcy

Off to a Rough Start

The last time I updated I said I had some pain, but was managing through. However, the pain was in my upper right shoulder and got progressively worse as the week went on, so bad it hurt to move. By Friday night, I had a fever of 101.3 degrees, called the oncologist and asked him what he thought was wrong. The guess was that one of the chemo shots I get can cause bone pain.

However, by Saturday morning the pain was unbearable and I was in tears. My right arm was swollen and red, and was hotter to the touch than my left arm. We went to the emergency room at Piedmont Hospital at 2 p.m. After a battery of tests, they found a blood clot on the right side of my neck. I was sent to a room in the hospital by 8 p.m. and have been here since.

They couldn’t get my port to pull blood until yesterday, so it was a relief to learn that we can continue to use this port and we would not have to do another port surgery.

Good news is the port is working, my fever has come down and all my blood count levels have returned to normal as of this morning. I will be discharged from the hospital tonight, but I am going to have to be blood thinners through chemo now. I will be able to take the blood thinner medicine through pills for the most part, but until this blood clot dissipates, I will have to take 2 times daily blood thinner shots for the next 14 days. Right now, we are working out the issues with home health care and insurance. I think between my dad and a friend who is a nurse, we can get these shots administered for the next 14 days at 8 a.m. and 8 p.m. each day. I am still in considerable pain being managed through pain pills every four hours.

Needless to say, I did not get off to a good start on my treatment plan. The past 48 hours I have been in unbearable pain. I’m feeling better today, but moving is still difficult. When your body’s core is weak, it can be hard to move around.

I will work from home the rest of the week starting tomorrow and my doctor wants to continue on my treatment plan so I will be getting chemo this Thursday as scheduled. I’m not rested and really not up for it, but I have to get better.

I’m still not up for phone calls or visitors as I still need to heal. Respond to this thread or via a FB message, but after I type this, I’m logging off the computer to rest and won’t be on it until tomorrow.

I wanted you to know why I’ve been MIA for several days now, but it has be a rough go of it the past three days.

Thanks for your love and concern,
Marcy

I Wish I Could Eat!

I’ve been back at work yesterday and today and been up and down energy wise. I felt a bit better today than I did yesterday, so I can only hope to think it will improve in between chemo treatments. Lord, I need to at least have to hope that it does so I have something to hold on to in between sessions.

I met with my breast surgeon yesterday – first time since I got the BRCA gene test results. Since I tested positive, it has changed the course of treatment after chemo. My doctor said two to four weeks after my chemo ends, she will perform a skin-saving mastectomy. This will require me to be it the hospital 1-2 days, recovery for a week, then back to about 90% after two weeks. At that time, they would put in extenders to stretch my skin and what surprised me most, is she said depending on my reconstructive surgeon, it could be three months to one year before they do the reconstructive surgery. That bummed me out – I didn’t think it would be that long of a process. After the mastectomy, I will have to have six weeks (30 days) of radiation for 10-15 minutes a day. My doctor said that I can work throughout that, but for the second half, I would probably be real tired.

I’m struggling with food. Who knew, me? The girl who used to love to eat?! I’m having a hard time keeping things down – threw up twice today. As much as my mom is trying to have me eat healthy, I’ve quickly learned that I need to eat food no matter what I can get down. This is a new process I’m learning and it isn’t fun. I’ve already lost 12 pounds and as cool as it would be to get super-skinny, I don’t think that’s in my best interest right now. Gatorade is my new friend (Shoot, am I going to get in trouble with a sponsor mention that it’s not a Coca-Cola product? Grin).

Thanks again for everyone’s love, support and words of encouragement. I still continue to be humbled by all the outreach and desire to help. It brings me to tears when I let it sink in.

Next up this week is an appointment with the gynecological oncologist on Friday to discuss next steps in preventing the ovarian cancer risk I possess. I will also be getting one of my wigs on Saturday, so let’s hope it looks good.

With much love,
Marcy

Chemo Update

I’ll be honest, I’m really not inspired to write right now, but felt like I should update on my chemo progress.

Thursday was my chemo session and I think I ate too heavy of a dinner on Thursday night, so I was really nauseous. Bad nausea. But I recovered. It wasn’t fun though and I didn’t sleep well that night.

Friday I was really tired. Couldn’t keep my eyes opened, but I was able to get some work done, but that was about it.

Saturday, I felt great. Caught up on the work I couldn’t get done on Friday and was feeling pretty good. Including walks twice a day – not long, but good enough. My biggest frustration was a swollen tongue. My doctor wasn’t sure what the deal was so I took Benadryl and it helped.

Today I still struggled with the swollen tongue. My doctor switched my nausea medicine from Composine to Zofran, and I think it has helped from the tongue standpoint. Chewing gum seems to help unlock the jaw and help with the tongue. I’m bored mostly. I want to be doing things and hate to rest. Played yahtzee with my mom a lot. Took more walks. Went to Old Navy today and got a few things. But I am real bored. Don’t want to nap anymore, but can’t do much else. Watching a few movies and mom cooked all day to make my meals for the week. I love her so much for taking care of my diet.

Back to work tomorrow, so hopefully, I will be okay. Early morning appointments tomorrow – echocardiogram first, then meeting with my breast surgeon about the mastectomy and reconstruction after chemo.

Sorry this isn’t my most informative blog, but at least it catches you up if you are interested in catching up with me.

Love,
Marcy

The Big Drop of the Rollercoaster

So as soon as I hit the “update blog” button on Monday, my phone rang. It was the genetics counselor with my test results for the BRCA gene. This test would tell me if my breast cancer was passed down genetically. Unfortunately, I tested positive for the BRCA-1 gene. It was probably the second time I’ve really come unglued emotionally through this whole process. This was not the result I wanted and also why I haven’t updated the blog in two days. I haven’t been able to stomach it yet.

You may not know what testing positive for this means. Here’s how I can best explain it:
• The general population has an 8-10% risk of developing breast cancer.
• If you have this gene, you have an 87% risk of developing breast cancer and a 44% chance of developing ovarian cancer.
• Since I have already been diagnosed with breast cancer, I now have a 40% chance of developing breast cancer within ten years of this first diagnosis.

What does that mean for me now in my course of treatment?

Instead of having a lumpectomy and radiation following my chemo, I will have to have a bilateral mastectomy, where they take every inch of my breast tissue on my body. There is no reason to chance developing breast cancer again since 40% is such a high percentage. They have recommended I start shopping plastic surgeons now for my breast reconstruction. I’m meeting with my breast surgeon Monday to find out if it is going to be a two-part surgery or if it can be done all at once and to get referrals for plastic surgeons.

I also have to meet with a gynecological oncologist to get an ovarian cancer screening next Friday. I will continue to get screened every six months until I decide to let them take my ovaries and fallopian tubes, especially since the screening for ovarian cancer has a high false positive rate. They suggest having the surgery after age 35 of whenever I’m done giving birth to my children.

So this further complicates my fertility issues and decisions I have to make quickly about my desire to give birth to my own children. Is it worth trying to go through all the fertility options with such a high risk of ovarian cancer? Are my eggs even salvageable? If they are, I have to test them for this gene so I don’t pass it on to my children. If I do opt for the surgery early for the fallopian tubes and ovaries, that will put me into early menopause. Who wants to be going through menopause in their 30’s? It is medically possible to carry an implanted embryo without your ovaries and fallopian tubes and I could also adopt, so there are other options if I choose to have the surgery soon. But I’m having to make all these decisions without a husband and I don’t exactly see me getting married over the next year.

Regardless, a 44% chance of ovarian cancer is sizeable, so whatever I do, I need to make some major decisions quickly and it is tough making them on your own and not knowing what your future holds.

I am beyond overwhelmed with emotions and decisions. I had no idea it could get any worse than being diagnosed with cancer, but it has. This is too much to tackle at once and there are so many decisions that have to be made in such a short time. This is the first week where I feel I’ve really hit rock bottom and can’t seem to kick myself in the ass to be positive. I’ve been given great advice to only take on what’s in front of me, but those of you that know me well, know what a planner I am. It’s hard to not think about what’s next.

I even got spectacular news today from the PET scan. The scan showed that the cancer is only in the source of origin spot in my breast and the one underarm area. I should be overjoyed. I should be celebrating that the cancer didn’t spread and I can beat it. But I’m not. I’m mourning right now. All the things that are waiting for me on the other side of chemo aren’t great. This is a LONG road ahead of me and a very scary one at that. I know I’m not the first person to ever go through this experience and certainly won’t be the last, but it is the worst thing I have ever experienced and I can’t understand why God would put even one person through this, let alone the masses that have gone before me.

I always knew cancer was a scary word, but never did I realize the depths until I’m wading through the muck of it all. It is certainly a roller coaster ride and this is one of the really low points.

My first chemo treatment is tomorrow and I’m scared. I have an overwhelming fear of needles and I know I will have at least three shots tomorrow. Most importantly, I’m scared of how my body will react to the chemo. It is all the fear of the unknown.

I’m sorry I don’t have a more positive post for you and sorry I’ve sat on this news for a few days, but I just haven’t had the heart to write it.

I know some of you have been asking about the August 8 benefit that is being thrown in my honor. I’ll be honest; I wasn’t up for it at first. I don’t like being the center of attention – I was the girl that never wanted a formal wedding because I’m uncomfortable with it being “all about me.” It is also feels somewhat shameful to admit that I need help. In fact, I got the bill from my July 7 surgery today – it was $29,872. Granted that hasn’t been submitted to insurance yet, but if that is just for one day’s service, I have no idea what I’m in for financially during this process. I’m so used to taking care of myself that this has also been challenging for me to say I need help. There have been so many people who have wanted to help me in some way, but haven’t known how. I think this benefit may be the best answer. Hopefully, a lot of people will come out and we’ll have a great night. It is actually the only thing I’m looking forward to at this point.

Thank you for your love, support and words of encouragement. I’m not sure when I’ll post again, but wish me luck and pray that my body will handle the chemo as best as we can hope for.

With love,
Marcy

Some Test Results In

I just received a call from my doctor this morning. She received the results of the biopsy on Friday. She says I have invasive ductal carcinoma, which is the most common form of breast cancer. The biopsy from Friday confirmed the cancer originated in the breast. The biopsy from Tuesday confirmed it traveled outside the area of origin into the lymph nodes. We did a PET scan this morning to determine if it has traveled through the lymph system to any other areas of the body. She feels we only have a 10% chance that it has traveled further and feels pretty good we are just dealing with the breast area and the lymph area underneath my armpit. They should have the PET scan results in two days. Let’s keep our fingers crossed.

She also received the results from the receptor study and it is triple negative breast cancer, which means it came back negative for the estrogen, progesterone and HER2.

Next up is my first chemotherapy treatment which is this Thursday, July 16. I will be receiving treatments every other Thursday for the next four months (eight treatments total). I will work from home those Fridays following chemo to rest my body (as they say if you overdo it the day after chemo, you will pay for it the following day). I hope that means my bad days will fall on Saturday and Sunday, which sounds pretty typical.

For those of you that want more details, here is what I will be getting when I go to my chemo treatments:
1) First, they access my port, flush it out and take vitals.
2) Then they put in the primary bag of saline.
3) Next they give me an anti-nausea drug, followed by Decadron, which is a steroid and anti-nausea medicine.
4) The first chemo drug I receive is Adriamycin for 10-20 mins. This drug is to fight the cancer by stopping the growth of cancer cells in the body.
5) The second chemo drug is Cytoxin for 1 hour. It is also a drug which fights the cancer by stopping the growth of cancer cells in the body, causing the cancer to die.
6) The final thing they do to me is give me a shot for Neulasta, which is a drug that helps my bone marrow produce more white blood cells to help my body fight infection. This is to help me not become anemic.
7) Lastly, they flush the port, and send me home. All in all, this takes about 3 hours.

The only other test scheduled is for Monday, July 20 and it is an echocardiogram on my heart. My oncologist wants to get a baseline of my heart before the chemo starts to weaken it.

So, all we are waiting on now is the PET scan result and the genetics study, which should both be back this week. Thank you for all the prayers and let’s hope both of those come back with negative readings.