So it’s back to work tomorrow, as I got clearance from the doctor today to go back to work. I also got my drain out, so that’s a bonus. I spent all weekend coming off the narcotics, which is never a pleasant task. I’m having a hard time wrapping my head around that I’m going to have to go through surgery again one more time and I’m not done like I had been told I would be.
The doctor said my skin is healing well after looking at it today. I won’t see him again until April 1st. At that point, we will decide when we will schedule the next surgery. I’ve already made plans to go on a trip to Yellowstone in May and I want to be healthy to do all the hiking/sightseeing I have planned, so it will probably happen in early June.
Here’s why we need the second surgery: In my September 2010 surgery, he took skin from my back and transferred it onto my front. This new skin is attached underneath the badly burned radiated skin, which is all pushed up to the middle to the top of my breast area. My doctor was concerned that the skin might not heal well after being detached after this last surgery, but since it is looking well just only 12 days after surgery, he feels assured we can go in, cut the badly burned skin out of the middle area and attach it to skin located higher in the breast area, which was also radiated, but not as badly as the skin now in the middle area. After this next surgery, it should have the round shape we are aiming towards as he will cut out all the extra skin now making it look lumpy.
So, in the meantime, I went back and got some mastectomy bras to help provide some symmetry until we can do this next surgery. I love being able to wear t-shirts in the springtime and right now I cannot do that without feeling self-conscious. What I would give to get a little confidence back in my step…
I also feel guilty for even being down about this right now. I’ve cried the past week more than I have in a long time. There are so many people who I care about who no longer walk this earth, who I know would love to have this problem. I’m having a hard time battling the issues I’m dealing with, while trying to be thankful to be alive. You need to feel the feelings to deal with them and work through them, yet you feel guilty for even having the feelings in the first place. I’m hoping time and staying busy will be the best medicine.
Not sure when I will update next… On Monday, March 14th, the American Cancer Society has asked me to be the keynote speaker at their 20thannual Hope Luncheon and Fashion Show http://main.acsevents.org/site/TR/Gala/GalaFY10SouthAtlantic?pg=entry&fr_id=26818. I will also be walking in the fashion show. I’m praying that watching all those seasons of watching America’s Next Top Model will finally pay off since I’ve seen runway training! I know it’s a stretch, but I’ve got to justify my crap TV somehow!
With Love,
Marcy
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Imagine that, complications!
Well I should have known I spoke too soon, as we ended up having complications from this last reconstructive surgery on February 3, 2011. The surgeon had intended on inserting the implant into the left side and cutting out some skin that had been radiated, and then we'd be all done except for the nipple reconstruction and tatooing.
I left surgery all happy the procedure was over, but once I got home and took the bandages off on Friday, the result was not what I had expected; not even close. The skin was still in place, the implant had been inserted, but the area did not look round; it looked deformed as it had areas of indentions. It even looked smaller than the right implant. I tried not to freak out, tried not to get upset and wait until my follow up appointment to see what my doctor would say.
When I went for my appointment today, the nurse looked at my left side and said, “It looked so much better on the table,” so even she was surprised to see how odd it looked. The doctor told me that he did not take any skin off as it was a judgment call he made during the surgery. He said the skin was not loose due to the scar tissue from the previous surgery and the effects of radiation, so he did not want to cut the skin off in case the skin did not adhere once the implant was in. He said this was the safest way to go in case complications arose from the implant, so he would have extra skin to work with.
He said he wanted to wait 2-3 months to let everything heal and then we will schedule another surgery to cut some of the extra skin off and make the area more smooth and round. He said it will never be perfect and will never look as good as my right side, but there is room to improve from where we are today.
Needless to say, sobbed when he told me this. I had this expectation that I was going to be done after this last surgery. I had been so excited to be able to use all my vacation days for vacation in 2011 and that will not be the case this year. It has been such a long road and I’ve been waiting to cross that finish line, but now I have to wait some more. This road has been littered with complications and I don’t know why I’m surprised that more unexpected things happened. I just wish my doctor had managed my expectations better.
I wish I sounded more positive right now, but I just got back from the doctor and wanted to write this as I know many of you have called/emailed to check in with me and I just haven’t really wanted to talk to anyone until I got feedback from the doctor.
Thanks again for everyone's kind words and encouragment. It means more than you know.
Love,
Marcy
I left surgery all happy the procedure was over, but once I got home and took the bandages off on Friday, the result was not what I had expected; not even close. The skin was still in place, the implant had been inserted, but the area did not look round; it looked deformed as it had areas of indentions. It even looked smaller than the right implant. I tried not to freak out, tried not to get upset and wait until my follow up appointment to see what my doctor would say.
When I went for my appointment today, the nurse looked at my left side and said, “It looked so much better on the table,” so even she was surprised to see how odd it looked. The doctor told me that he did not take any skin off as it was a judgment call he made during the surgery. He said the skin was not loose due to the scar tissue from the previous surgery and the effects of radiation, so he did not want to cut the skin off in case the skin did not adhere once the implant was in. He said this was the safest way to go in case complications arose from the implant, so he would have extra skin to work with.
He said he wanted to wait 2-3 months to let everything heal and then we will schedule another surgery to cut some of the extra skin off and make the area more smooth and round. He said it will never be perfect and will never look as good as my right side, but there is room to improve from where we are today.
Needless to say, sobbed when he told me this. I had this expectation that I was going to be done after this last surgery. I had been so excited to be able to use all my vacation days for vacation in 2011 and that will not be the case this year. It has been such a long road and I’ve been waiting to cross that finish line, but now I have to wait some more. This road has been littered with complications and I don’t know why I’m surprised that more unexpected things happened. I just wish my doctor had managed my expectations better.
I wish I sounded more positive right now, but I just got back from the doctor and wanted to write this as I know many of you have called/emailed to check in with me and I just haven’t really wanted to talk to anyone until I got feedback from the doctor.
Thanks again for everyone's kind words and encouragment. It means more than you know.
Love,
Marcy
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