The Last of the “Red Devil”

Today marks my halfway point of chemo – I will be taking my fourth of eight chemo treatments and it is the last of the “Red Devil” Adriamyacin/Cytoxin drugs. I met with my oncologist last week and he said that when I switch over to Taxol for the last four treatments that I should find some relief with the nausea, but I will still battle the fatigue.

I’ve been pretty lucky so far with the side effects from chemo. The doctors told me I could bank on nausea, hair loss and fatigue, but there were 20 other things that may or may not happen. I had the blood clot and have had only one or two other side effects that have been easily managed with drugs, so I think I’m doing okay, thankfully.

The hardest side effect for me has been the fatigue. The nausea sucks, but I think we’ve been able to get a good combination of drugs that have helped quite a bit, but still doesn’t let me eat very much. I’ve been trying to work throughout this whole process and I’ve realized I can’t do what I used to be able to do. The company I work for is going to work with me and let me work a few days from home each chemo cycle. This will help rest my body more (not commuting, going to meetings, etc., and keeping my body still as much as possible), while keeping my mind occupied. I love my job and want to work because I think it’s good for me.

However, this poses a problem with next week. Next week is race week, one of the most fast and furious weeks at work each year. Race week consists actually of 11 days, as the race falls on the weekend and we work the week after the race through Thursday. All I know is I can’t work 11 days straight. Heck, right now, I can’t even do five days straight after chemo. The other concern is the actual race weekend. I’m not sure if I will even be able to be at the race now. I thought I was going to be able to, but now I’ve got concerns. If I work race weekend, I will come in contact with hundreds of people, who will be coming in from all over the country. One of the things chemo does is weaken your immune system. I’m concerned about all the people that I would talk to, those that would want to hug me, shake my hand, let me know they care about me. As much as that would help me emotionally, will it make me susceptible to getting sick? My mom has a neighbor who has breast cancer and she was in the hospital last week because she caught a cold. The last thing I want to do is get sick on top of all of this and with all the recent reports of the flu going around, I’m not sure what to do. I see my doctor today and I’m going to ask his opinion. He will also be checking my white and red blood cell count to let me know how susceptible to infection I am and that will probably determine the decision.

I am also sad to be missing my 20 year high school reunion this weekend. It would be so great to see all my friends, but I guess it is just not in the cards for me this year.

On a positive note, after having a horrible start to my last chemo treatment, I ended on a high note. The past four days (Sunday – Wednesday) were the best four days I’ve had since this whole journey started. I had great energy, I ate normal foods for a change and my friends I spoke to all said I sounded like the “old Marcy.” I ate a slice of cheese pizza once and even made a taco salad at home – I really miss Mexican food! So I am thankful for those few “good” days and hope there are more to come.

Wish me luck with this last “red devil” chemo. I am so glad it is the last one, but am anxious going in today as I know how bad it sucks. I will be recovering at home all weekend, and then go back to work Monday. I know work needs me there as much as possible with it being race week, but I’ve got to manage taking care of my body while being there as much as I can. That is weighing on my mind a lot and I’m trying to figure out how to manage both.

Next up, I meet with my breast surgeon on Sept. 9 to finalize the mastectomy date – which is slated for Nov. 17 right now and to select a plastic surgeon for my reconstruction surgery next year. I’ve got four big hurdles following chemo: the mastectomy surgery, 6 weeks of radiation, the ovaries/fallopian tubes surgery and the breast reconstruction surgery. My goal (based on my doctors’ timelines) is to have everything completed by June 1 next year. That way, I’ve given up one year of my life to this mess and I can move forward. It would also be nice to have boobs for the summer by the pool (grin).

Thanks to everyone’s continued support and well wishes. Celebrate we are halfway with chemo!

With love,
Marcy

Not Enough Good Days

I know I haven’t updated in since a week ago, but I haven’t been inspired. I’ve been in a bit of a funk – just a bit depressed about how bad the chemo is affecting me and how much I miss feeling well. After my second chemo, I was looking forward to seeing what a “good” day would be like and it wasn’t as good as I had hoped. For me, a good day means I can make my own breakfast, pack my lunch for work and drive myself to and from work and make myself dinner by myself. I had really hoped for much more from a “good” day, but unfortunately, it wasn’t and it was a let down for me. I seem to be able to take care of myself for about five out of every 14 days in a chemo cycle.

On a positive note, the benefit last Saturday was success and I have so many people to thank who put in countless hours trying to do something nice for me. We still have quite a few auction items that did not sell, so I’ll be posting some on craigslist in the weeks moving forward. It was also great to be able to see so many friends that night even though I was exhausted the next day. I can’t even put into words how much it meant to me to have all the friends and family who showed up to support me.

Thursday, I had my third of eight chemo treatments and it seems to be getting worse, not better in the days following. I spent Thursday, Friday and Saturday on the couch. Today I was able to get out for a few hours to do some errands, but I really didn’t feel like it. I still can’t seem to figure out the food – there are just a few things that I can stomach eating following chemo and I’m dealing with the metallic taste in my mouth.

I also can’t believe how much I’m battling nausea. My doctors have tried to help as much as possible. They have extended the big anti-nausea medicine (Emend) by two days and instead of having to take the Zofran every four hours, they have given me a patch that will last a week. It will also assist me not having to get up in the middle of the night to take the medicine to stay on the four hour schedule.

My mom has been staying with me starting with my Thursday chemo treatment and staying through the Monday morning. I’ve got a co-worker who takes me to and from work each Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday following chemo. And I’ve also got some great girlfriends who will be spending Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday nights following chemo to help me with household chores, dinner and company, just because going to work sucks every amount of energy out of me. I’m trying to rest my body as much as possible while balancing trying to work through this whole process. I couldn’t be getting through this without all the help from my friends and family.

All I keep praying for is that when I switch over to the Taxol chemo, it won’t be as bad with the nausea. I only have one more of the Adriamyacin/Cytoxin cycle on August 27 and I will be happy to get that one under my belt. My Taxol chemos will fall on Sept. 10, Sept. 24, Oct. 8 and Oct. 22 and we are hoping for less nausea under Taxol. .

The race is coming up in just a few weeks and I won’t be able to be there like I normally am. I plan on being there as much as I can during the weekend, but just not from open to close hours like I have in the past. It will be weird not to be there the whole time, but I’ve got a great staff and one of my sister track counterparts will be coming in to pinch-hit for me all race week, and for that, I am thankful.

Thanks again for everyone’s love, support and words of encouragement.

Love,
Marcy

Finally, A Break!

I haven’t updated my blog since my last chemo treatment 10 days ago. Even though this was going to be the second chemo treatment, I really felt like I was starting over figuring out what my symptoms were going to be since the last time we went from the first chemo treatment to the blood clot and then straight into the second chemo treatment with little time to rest.

My blood clot has still not dissolved. My doctors say it can take two to three weeks to subside and it has only been two weeks. It is still tender to the touch and a bit swollen, but doesn’t impact my movement too much in that area and I’m real careful now not to put too much pressure on it.

My doctors have also put my on a blood thinner medicine for the next three months to make sure I do not get any more clots. This requires my blood to be checked once a week to make sure we are getting the right dose to keep my blood at the appropriate level.

Following the July 30 chemo, I was hoping it would be an easier go-round with the symptoms. I usually just sleep a lot the night following the chemo treatment. The anti-nausea drug and steroid the doctors provide me actually allow me to function quite well the days following chemo. Friday, I work from home; Saturday, I had enough energy to run a few errands – last Saturday, my mom and I were out for about five hours and I think I need to limit that to no more than three going forward, as Sunday, I was really tired and just laid on the couch all day – I think I overdid it on Saturday being out too much.

What is disappointing to me is that as soon as I come off the great anti-nausea medicine and the steroid, I start to struggle. That following Monday through Thursday are the worst days for me. The nausea is unbearable and I have an especially hard time with it in the mornings. I have a hard time finding things to eat. I have asked a co-worker to drive me to work on those days as the one hour commute in and one hour commute home are too taxing. I sleep in the car those two hours. I also take a nap during my lunch break at work which helps tremendously, but by the time I get home at 6 p.m., I am glued to my couch; I have no energy to do anything and drift in and out of sleep. I’ve had many friends offer to start staying with me on those Monday – Wednesday nights to help me as I deal with the fatigue and nausea assisting with dinner, household chores, etc.

Thursday of this week, I hit a low point. I had felt like I hadn’t had a break yet since the chemo started. I couldn’t believe it had been a week since chemo and I was still tired and dealing with the nausea. I cried and was so mad that I just wanted a day when I could get a break.

I woke up yesterday morning still nauseas. I got to work, still dry heaving at 9:30 a.m. But by 10 a.m., I turned a corner. I felt the nausea had subsided and had a bit more energy. I still slept during the hour commute home, but when I got home, I wasn’t glued to the couch as I had been the prior four days. I still rested, but felt I had energy to do a few chores around the house.

FINALLY! I felt I had gotten a break! I wasn’t feeling great, but I wasn’t miserable as I had been for the whole week. And today I woke up feeling even better and had no morning nausea at all. I think I might actually be able to have about five days between chemo treatments now where a get a bit of a break and can feel okay for a few days. I am so happy!

My doctors have also told me that the chemo drugs I am on right now (Adriamycin and Cytoxin) come with a lot of nausea. They call Adriamycin “The Red Devil” because it causes so much nausea. I have two more treatments of those drugs, and the final four treatments will be with a drug called Taxol, which the doctors have informed me should reduce the nausea by 50%, so maybe I will only have two more bad treatments and get some better relief for the final four treatments.

Even though I am still struggling with foods, I’m trying to eat more often (small portions) every two to three hours to see it that will help with the nausea. It worked yesterday, so I’m going to try that for the entire week following the next round of chemo.

What’s most important is I am actually excited about tonight’s benefit and think I will feel decent during the event. I’m trying to rest a lot today so I have as much energy possible for the party. I was so worried all week that I wouldn’t feel well enough to attend, but I think I’ve finally turned a corner.

Thanks for everyone’s love and support. I’m looking forward to seeing everyone that is coming out for tonight’s event. I am blessed to have so many friends who have worked countless hours putting this event on and I cannot say thank you enough to all of them.

With Love,
Marcy