Not Enough Good Days

I know I haven’t updated in since a week ago, but I haven’t been inspired. I’ve been in a bit of a funk – just a bit depressed about how bad the chemo is affecting me and how much I miss feeling well. After my second chemo, I was looking forward to seeing what a “good” day would be like and it wasn’t as good as I had hoped. For me, a good day means I can make my own breakfast, pack my lunch for work and drive myself to and from work and make myself dinner by myself. I had really hoped for much more from a “good” day, but unfortunately, it wasn’t and it was a let down for me. I seem to be able to take care of myself for about five out of every 14 days in a chemo cycle.

On a positive note, the benefit last Saturday was success and I have so many people to thank who put in countless hours trying to do something nice for me. We still have quite a few auction items that did not sell, so I’ll be posting some on craigslist in the weeks moving forward. It was also great to be able to see so many friends that night even though I was exhausted the next day. I can’t even put into words how much it meant to me to have all the friends and family who showed up to support me.

Thursday, I had my third of eight chemo treatments and it seems to be getting worse, not better in the days following. I spent Thursday, Friday and Saturday on the couch. Today I was able to get out for a few hours to do some errands, but I really didn’t feel like it. I still can’t seem to figure out the food – there are just a few things that I can stomach eating following chemo and I’m dealing with the metallic taste in my mouth.

I also can’t believe how much I’m battling nausea. My doctors have tried to help as much as possible. They have extended the big anti-nausea medicine (Emend) by two days and instead of having to take the Zofran every four hours, they have given me a patch that will last a week. It will also assist me not having to get up in the middle of the night to take the medicine to stay on the four hour schedule.

My mom has been staying with me starting with my Thursday chemo treatment and staying through the Monday morning. I’ve got a co-worker who takes me to and from work each Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday following chemo. And I’ve also got some great girlfriends who will be spending Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday nights following chemo to help me with household chores, dinner and company, just because going to work sucks every amount of energy out of me. I’m trying to rest my body as much as possible while balancing trying to work through this whole process. I couldn’t be getting through this without all the help from my friends and family.

All I keep praying for is that when I switch over to the Taxol chemo, it won’t be as bad with the nausea. I only have one more of the Adriamyacin/Cytoxin cycle on August 27 and I will be happy to get that one under my belt. My Taxol chemos will fall on Sept. 10, Sept. 24, Oct. 8 and Oct. 22 and we are hoping for less nausea under Taxol. .

The race is coming up in just a few weeks and I won’t be able to be there like I normally am. I plan on being there as much as I can during the weekend, but just not from open to close hours like I have in the past. It will be weird not to be there the whole time, but I’ve got a great staff and one of my sister track counterparts will be coming in to pinch-hit for me all race week, and for that, I am thankful.

Thanks again for everyone’s love, support and words of encouragement.

Love,
Marcy