It’s been almost a week since the last blog and I thought, “Certainly, we are all downhill from here.” Not so.
I went to see my plastic surgeon on Friday and had felt a pain in my right elbow since the day before. I asked him that even though that wasn’t his specialty, did he think it was a blood clot because it had the symptoms of the previous three that I had already been diagnosed with. He said he thought so, wrote up the order for the ultrasound (so I didn’t have to go over to my oncologist, wait to be seen, just to get the order – which was SOOO nice of him). I went over to get the ultrasound, saw the same great tech that found clots No. 2 and 3, and she said, “Yep, here’s No. 4.” Took the results to my oncologist and they said they were “sorry that I was having such a hard time with all of this. That some people are just very sensitive and I’m just one of those patients that are going to have a hard time.” Great.
I’ve been very discouraged that I have side effect after side effect. I’m ready to get through this. The only thing that keeps me going is I have three more chemos to go. Three more then I’m done with this crap of feeling bad all the time.
Good news is I think the blood transfusion has helped with my energy level. The doctors said my hemoglobin levels were low when they ordered it last week. I didn’t know much about what hemoglobin numbers mean and a nurse friend of mine explained it to me. Normally, a man is around a 16; women 14. My nurse friend’s dialysis patients dip down to a 12 and I was a 7.8. SEVEN POINT EIGHT! No wonder why I had no energy!!!! I’m still tired quite a bit, but I do think it has helped as I’m able to do more things than I used to be.
Back to the plastic surgeon – he was great. I think I’m going to really like him. I’ve heard two people say he’s the “rock star” of breast reconstruction. He will work hand in hand with my breast surgeon for the mastectomy which is scheduled for November 17. Here’s what will happen:
1) Breast surgeon will remove all breast tissue – ALL of it.
2) Removal of my port used for chemotherapy.
3) They will put a stain in my lymph nodes to see which have been affected by the cancer and remove those. (Let’s hope it’s not too many so I don’t have to deal with lymphodema).
4) Next the plastic surgeon will insert extenders under my muscle and skin. Each extender will have a valve where the doctor can insert saline weekly to stretch the skin. It’s kind of like filling your bike tire with air. They insert the saline and it won’t leak out. Kinda cool.
I’m not sure how long the procedure will last. My breast surgeon said her part is 2.5 hours. Have no idea how long the plastic surgeon’s part is. This will be a big surgery. I will be in the hospital about two days and then have to wear drains for two weeks. I will be taking off almost two weeks of work to recover.
My breast surgeon said I will be able to start radiation anywhere from two to six weeks following the mastectomy depending on how I heal, but the plastic surgeon can’t start inflating the extenders until I finish radiation, which takes six weeks. So I have no idea when I’ll be able to have my reconstruction surgery.
Which means, I’ll be flat as a pancake for several months? I’m not sure how I will deal with no boobs at all. They say you can do prosthesis in your normal bras or padding to feel “normal.” I’m not sure about all that. I can’t wrap my head around not having boobs yet. I’ve read books that you should shop in advance to get ready for post surgery but I’m having a hard time thinking about that. Waking up to a bare chest. My grandmother had only one boob her whole life and I remember seeing her like that when I was young. It was weird. I know that’s going to affect how I feel about myself, even if I wear a prosthesis or padding. I wish I could say I was stronger and it didn’t matter, but I know it will.
I’ve finally think I’ll be ready soon to start seeing a therapist to help me get through all of these issues. Chemo has been too overwhelming, so I think after the mastectomy, I’m going to start seeing this woman who came well recommended and deals primarily with breast cancer patients. Even though I think I’m handing all of this okay, but I know I haven’t started dealing with the loss of fertility among all other issues. I think I’ve been pretty positive throughout this, but I can’t say that I don’t cry and get down sometimes. It’s too overwhelming and I know that a therapist will be able to help me sort through it all. I’m working on getting my body healed, but I’ve got to get help my mind get healthy by processing it all as best I can.
I have my second Taxol treatment this week. The bad body pains seem to last about six days. I think I would’ve had a bit of a break the last chemo cycle had I not had the blood transfusion and blood clot No. 4. I still have the pain of the clots every day, even today. They say it takes two to three weeks for the clot pain to subside and four to six months for them to heal entirely. Ugh. I hope I get some relief soon.
To end on a positive note, a really cool NASCAR media member (and great person to boot) did something nice in my honor. NASCAR driver Jimmie Johnson is going to wear a “Helmet of Hope” during the Oct. 11 NASCAR race in California. The helmet will feature 12 charities and each charity will receive $1,048 (for those of you that aren’t NASCAR fans, Jimmie’s car number is 48). Jimmie’s foundation is selling t-shirts to honor the helmet/charities and all proceeds of the sale of t-shirts will be sent to the 12 charities. This media member nominated the Susan G. Komen for the Cure Greater Atlanta in my honor and I was extremely touched and grateful that he did that. See full story: http://www.jimmiejohnsonfoundation.org/News/News-Archives/Final-Two-Charities-Selected-for-Helmet-of-Hope.aspx. The t-shirts are $10.00 and you can visit here if you are interested in buying one: http://www.jimmiejohnsonfoundation.org/Events/Helmet-of-Hope.aspx.
Thanks to everyone keeping up with me and sending all the love, support and well wishes.
Love you all!
Marcy
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Blood Clot No. 4, Plastic Surgeon and Helmet of Hope
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Seriously?!
It’s kind of ironic that I start out my blog with “Seriously?!” this time, since it’s exactly one week before one of my favorite shows, Grey’s Anatomy, comes back on. If you watch Grey’s Anatomy, you know they use the word seriously seriously too much.
I had updated you on the two new blood clots in the last blog and the shots I’m giving myself. Unfortunately, the shots haven’t gotten any easier – it still sucks to do it and the clot pains not subsided yet. I’m hoping for some relief there soon. The doctors say 2-3 weeks for the swelling and pain to go away and four to six months for them to actually heal.
I was eager to see if this new regimen, Taxol, would be easier. It started off well on Thursday (day of treatment) and Friday, but by Saturday, I started to feel bad. Good news is the nausea is not as bad. I usually feel really nauseas in the morning, sometimes to the point of dry heaving, but I make sure I eat first thing and I’m okay. If I start to feel queasy through the day, I just make sure I eat something and it usually subsides. The bad news about Taxol is it is giving me horrid body aches. And when I say body aches, it is from head to toe --- joints, muscles, everything. Only thing I can try to relate it to is if someone ran a marathon that they never trained for and finished the whole thing (which is impossible I know), but how sore you would be the next day. It hurts to walk, to move and is just plain miserable. Thus far on this first treatment, it lasted five days. My doctors have upped my pain medicine to try to manage through it, so hopefully it will be more tolerable the next cycle. Who knows?
I had to go back to my oncologist yesterday to get my blood levels checked. They were extremely low, so I had to get a blood transfusion – first one of my life. Anemia can be a side effect of chemo and guess what? I got it! It seems that if there is a side effect, I’m bound to get it. Yesterday was very long -- we got to the doctor at 7:45 a.m. and we didn’t leave the hospital until 4 p.m. On a positive note, my mom said I looked better after the transfusion with some color in my face. I’m hoping it will improve my energy level. When I told a friend of mine who is a nurse what my blood levels were, she couldn’t believe how low it was and said it was no wonder why I had no energy at all.
I started crying with my oncologist told me I had anemia. (This is when I was like, Seriously?! What next!!!!) I just couldn’t understand why I continue to have side effect after side effect and complication after complication. All she said was some people are just very sensitive and I’m just one of those people. She was very sympathetic and said she was very sorry that I was having such a hard time. She said some people breeze through it and it’s not that bad and I’m one of those patients whose body just can’t handle it well.
At this point, the only thing that keeps me positive is that I have three more treatments and I’m done. THREE MORE! I’m over halfway and if I can just manage through seven more weeks, I’ll be done with the worst part of treatment. There’s plenty more to come, but I believe that if I’ve been able to get through chemo, everything else I’ve got to do can’t be anywhere near as painful.
Next up is meeting with the plastic surgeon that will be involved in my mastectomy surgery and will do the reconstruction. I’ve heard from a couple of breast cancer survivors that he’s the rock star of breast reconstruction, so I think I’m in good hands.
I pray that next week I’ll get a bit of a break and have a few days of feeling better – praying that the body aches go away, the blood transfusion makes me feel better and the blood clot pain starts to decrease.
That’s all I have for now and let’s hope I don’t have anymore of those unexpected “Seriously?!” moments.
With love,
Marcy
I had updated you on the two new blood clots in the last blog and the shots I’m giving myself. Unfortunately, the shots haven’t gotten any easier – it still sucks to do it and the clot pains not subsided yet. I’m hoping for some relief there soon. The doctors say 2-3 weeks for the swelling and pain to go away and four to six months for them to actually heal.
I was eager to see if this new regimen, Taxol, would be easier. It started off well on Thursday (day of treatment) and Friday, but by Saturday, I started to feel bad. Good news is the nausea is not as bad. I usually feel really nauseas in the morning, sometimes to the point of dry heaving, but I make sure I eat first thing and I’m okay. If I start to feel queasy through the day, I just make sure I eat something and it usually subsides. The bad news about Taxol is it is giving me horrid body aches. And when I say body aches, it is from head to toe --- joints, muscles, everything. Only thing I can try to relate it to is if someone ran a marathon that they never trained for and finished the whole thing (which is impossible I know), but how sore you would be the next day. It hurts to walk, to move and is just plain miserable. Thus far on this first treatment, it lasted five days. My doctors have upped my pain medicine to try to manage through it, so hopefully it will be more tolerable the next cycle. Who knows?
I had to go back to my oncologist yesterday to get my blood levels checked. They were extremely low, so I had to get a blood transfusion – first one of my life. Anemia can be a side effect of chemo and guess what? I got it! It seems that if there is a side effect, I’m bound to get it. Yesterday was very long -- we got to the doctor at 7:45 a.m. and we didn’t leave the hospital until 4 p.m. On a positive note, my mom said I looked better after the transfusion with some color in my face. I’m hoping it will improve my energy level. When I told a friend of mine who is a nurse what my blood levels were, she couldn’t believe how low it was and said it was no wonder why I had no energy at all.
I started crying with my oncologist told me I had anemia. (This is when I was like, Seriously?! What next!!!!) I just couldn’t understand why I continue to have side effect after side effect and complication after complication. All she said was some people are just very sensitive and I’m just one of those people. She was very sympathetic and said she was very sorry that I was having such a hard time. She said some people breeze through it and it’s not that bad and I’m one of those patients whose body just can’t handle it well.
At this point, the only thing that keeps me positive is that I have three more treatments and I’m done. THREE MORE! I’m over halfway and if I can just manage through seven more weeks, I’ll be done with the worst part of treatment. There’s plenty more to come, but I believe that if I’ve been able to get through chemo, everything else I’ve got to do can’t be anywhere near as painful.
Next up is meeting with the plastic surgeon that will be involved in my mastectomy surgery and will do the reconstruction. I’ve heard from a couple of breast cancer survivors that he’s the rock star of breast reconstruction, so I think I’m in good hands.
I pray that next week I’ll get a bit of a break and have a few days of feeling better – praying that the body aches go away, the blood transfusion makes me feel better and the blood clot pain starts to decrease.
That’s all I have for now and let’s hope I don’t have anymore of those unexpected “Seriously?!” moments.
With love,
Marcy
Friday, September 11, 2009
Blood Clot, Booster, Birthday, Boobs and Blood Count
I had my last “Red Devil” treatment on August 27 and I had hoped it would go similar to the third chemo treatment cycle – 10 days of feeling bad and then break of four days of feeling somewhat well. However, I wasn’t so lucky this time. For starters, my doctor put me on Tamiflu, a flu prevention medicine so I wouldn’t get sick since my immune system is weakened. One of Tamiflu’s side effects is nausea, so I was nauseas those four days that would’ve normally been my “good days.” I was also in pain those days with pain in my right arm – symptoms similar to the first blood clot. I went to the doctor on Tuesday, Sept. 8 and was diagnosed with another blood clot. Even on the blood thinner medicine, I still managed to clot in two places in my upper right arm and armpit area and the doctors can’t seem to explain why this is happening. When my oncologist came into to the office to tell me, he had this look on his face that said, “You’re not going to like this news.” So I said to him, “Give me the bad news.” He said, “We are taking you off the blood thinner pills and you’re going to have to go to daily injections for 90 days.” At that point, I started crying. I’ve had a life long fear of needles and the last time I was on the blood thinner shots, I had to rely on my dad and two girlfriends to get me through the 10 days the doctor had me on them. However, when the doctor said 90 days, I knew I couldn’t rely on anyone but myself, which made my cry harder. I had to overcome this fear to take care of myself. I use the analogy of a person with an extreme fear of heights having to jump out of burning building. You realize you have no choice – no choice but to do what you have to do to take care of yourself. I had the sweetest nurse at the doctor’s office that helped me through it. Initially, she said she was going to show me how to do it and I said no that I needed to do it myself. When she came in the room with the shot, I said to her, “Give it to me.” I opened the packaging, prepared the shot, stared at the needle for the longest time and when it came time to stick myself, it took my quite awhile to get up the nerve to stick myself. I was really proud of myself for doing it. I overcame my fear because I had no other option but to do so. I’m still in pain with the clot, managing it with pain meds again.
I also stayed home from the race last weekend – the doctor would not allow me to work due to my weakened immune system. It was difficult. I still worked from home – handling phone calls and putting out fires while out the house. I also watched every hour of the TV broadcasts all weekend to feel like I was there. I’ll be honest, it was hard. On Saturday night, when they did the flyover and national anthem, I started crying. I wanted to be there so badly. You put so many months of work into one of these weekends and not to be able to be there to see the fruits of your labor is disappointing. It was hard especially, since it was a successful weekend and not to be there for our inaugural event. I’m proud of my team for all they did and can’t thank my counterpart from my sister track who came in for a week to stand in for me. I’m blessed to work with such amazing people.
Chemo thus far has not been easy for me. In two months, I’ve had four good days and it is disappointing. I’ve had days full of tears because it just gets to me that I feel bad so often. It’s also hard feeling like you are in prison of sorts. I go to work and I go home. I never get to go anywhere. I’ve eaten out in a restaurant four times in two months and the bulk of my time I spend at home. I’m thankful for the friends that come over and keep me company and help me with meals, chores, etc. With chemo, the more you rest your body, the better off you are – the more you tax it, the more exhausted you get, which usually results in lots of tears and exhaustion. It amazes me how much sleep my body needs.
Wednesday was my birthday – 09/09/09 – a once in a lifetime birthday called a “golden birthday” that I wish I could’ve celebrated in a big way, but I’m took sick to do so. I’m wondering if there is some hidden message that I had my once in a lifetime birthday while going through a once in a lifetime health battle. Maybe I will be enlightened at some point.
I also met with my breast surgeon on Wednesday. We went over my test results to see how the size of my cancer is shrinking from the chemo and we got great news. Everything is shrinking really well and she was pleased with the progress. We set a surgery date for the mastectomy – November 17. I will spend about 2 days in the hospital recovering and 2 weeks at home. She explained how they determine during the surgery how many lymph nodes are affected with cancer, which determines how many they remove. How many they remove will also determine if I’ll have to battle lymphedema after surgery; let’s hope I don’t. We also picked a plastic surgeon that will be involved with the mastectomy surgery, putting in the extenders to stretch my skin and then will also do the reconstruction once I’m healed, sometime in 2010. The extender part is weird. I’ll start out flat following the mastectomy and little by little they will inflate the extenders to stretch my skin and muscles. I think this process will be strange and I’m sure I’ll feel self-conscious during this process. It will be an awkward time for me as I’ll have no boobs and my hair will be growing out at the same time, so I’m sure I’ll struggle with self-image and feeling pretty during that part of my recovery. I’m hoping by the time the reconstruction happens, my hair will have grown out some and I’ll start to feel like a confident, attractive woman again. Right now, I feel so bad, I don’t care how I look to be honest, but I know feeling attractive will be an issue later on.
Yesterday was my first Taxol chemo treatment – No. 5 of 8, so we’re moving along! Chemo will be done by the end of October, so I’m counting down. The nausea does not seem as bad on Taxol, and the first treatment took six hours to administer, because there is serious concern for allergic reaction on Taxol. Fortunately, yesterday went smoothly without any issue. Some of the most common side effects on Taxol are allergic reaction, numbness in fingertips and toes, plus brittleness of your nails, so far as they could even fall off. Please pray for me that I won’t experience any of those side effects. The doctors still say I will battle fatigue, but I can handle that if I can get rid of the nausea. My doctor also told me yesterday that my blood counts are very low. I have to go in next week to get them tested again if they are still low, I will have to get a blood transfusion, so please pray that my blood counts improve.
Thank you everyone again for your love, support, encouragement and birthday wishes.
With love,
Marcy
I also stayed home from the race last weekend – the doctor would not allow me to work due to my weakened immune system. It was difficult. I still worked from home – handling phone calls and putting out fires while out the house. I also watched every hour of the TV broadcasts all weekend to feel like I was there. I’ll be honest, it was hard. On Saturday night, when they did the flyover and national anthem, I started crying. I wanted to be there so badly. You put so many months of work into one of these weekends and not to be able to be there to see the fruits of your labor is disappointing. It was hard especially, since it was a successful weekend and not to be there for our inaugural event. I’m proud of my team for all they did and can’t thank my counterpart from my sister track who came in for a week to stand in for me. I’m blessed to work with such amazing people.
Chemo thus far has not been easy for me. In two months, I’ve had four good days and it is disappointing. I’ve had days full of tears because it just gets to me that I feel bad so often. It’s also hard feeling like you are in prison of sorts. I go to work and I go home. I never get to go anywhere. I’ve eaten out in a restaurant four times in two months and the bulk of my time I spend at home. I’m thankful for the friends that come over and keep me company and help me with meals, chores, etc. With chemo, the more you rest your body, the better off you are – the more you tax it, the more exhausted you get, which usually results in lots of tears and exhaustion. It amazes me how much sleep my body needs.
Wednesday was my birthday – 09/09/09 – a once in a lifetime birthday called a “golden birthday” that I wish I could’ve celebrated in a big way, but I’m took sick to do so. I’m wondering if there is some hidden message that I had my once in a lifetime birthday while going through a once in a lifetime health battle. Maybe I will be enlightened at some point.
I also met with my breast surgeon on Wednesday. We went over my test results to see how the size of my cancer is shrinking from the chemo and we got great news. Everything is shrinking really well and she was pleased with the progress. We set a surgery date for the mastectomy – November 17. I will spend about 2 days in the hospital recovering and 2 weeks at home. She explained how they determine during the surgery how many lymph nodes are affected with cancer, which determines how many they remove. How many they remove will also determine if I’ll have to battle lymphedema after surgery; let’s hope I don’t. We also picked a plastic surgeon that will be involved with the mastectomy surgery, putting in the extenders to stretch my skin and then will also do the reconstruction once I’m healed, sometime in 2010. The extender part is weird. I’ll start out flat following the mastectomy and little by little they will inflate the extenders to stretch my skin and muscles. I think this process will be strange and I’m sure I’ll feel self-conscious during this process. It will be an awkward time for me as I’ll have no boobs and my hair will be growing out at the same time, so I’m sure I’ll struggle with self-image and feeling pretty during that part of my recovery. I’m hoping by the time the reconstruction happens, my hair will have grown out some and I’ll start to feel like a confident, attractive woman again. Right now, I feel so bad, I don’t care how I look to be honest, but I know feeling attractive will be an issue later on.
Yesterday was my first Taxol chemo treatment – No. 5 of 8, so we’re moving along! Chemo will be done by the end of October, so I’m counting down. The nausea does not seem as bad on Taxol, and the first treatment took six hours to administer, because there is serious concern for allergic reaction on Taxol. Fortunately, yesterday went smoothly without any issue. Some of the most common side effects on Taxol are allergic reaction, numbness in fingertips and toes, plus brittleness of your nails, so far as they could even fall off. Please pray for me that I won’t experience any of those side effects. The doctors still say I will battle fatigue, but I can handle that if I can get rid of the nausea. My doctor also told me yesterday that my blood counts are very low. I have to go in next week to get them tested again if they are still low, I will have to get a blood transfusion, so please pray that my blood counts improve.
Thank you everyone again for your love, support, encouragement and birthday wishes.
With love,
Marcy
Thursday, August 27, 2009
The Last of the “Red Devil”
Today marks my halfway point of chemo – I will be taking my fourth of eight chemo treatments and it is the last of the “Red Devil” Adriamyacin/Cytoxin drugs. I met with my oncologist last week and he said that when I switch over to Taxol for the last four treatments that I should find some relief with the nausea, but I will still battle the fatigue.
I’ve been pretty lucky so far with the side effects from chemo. The doctors told me I could bank on nausea, hair loss and fatigue, but there were 20 other things that may or may not happen. I had the blood clot and have had only one or two other side effects that have been easily managed with drugs, so I think I’m doing okay, thankfully.
The hardest side effect for me has been the fatigue. The nausea sucks, but I think we’ve been able to get a good combination of drugs that have helped quite a bit, but still doesn’t let me eat very much. I’ve been trying to work throughout this whole process and I’ve realized I can’t do what I used to be able to do. The company I work for is going to work with me and let me work a few days from home each chemo cycle. This will help rest my body more (not commuting, going to meetings, etc., and keeping my body still as much as possible), while keeping my mind occupied. I love my job and want to work because I think it’s good for me.
However, this poses a problem with next week. Next week is race week, one of the most fast and furious weeks at work each year. Race week consists actually of 11 days, as the race falls on the weekend and we work the week after the race through Thursday. All I know is I can’t work 11 days straight. Heck, right now, I can’t even do five days straight after chemo. The other concern is the actual race weekend. I’m not sure if I will even be able to be at the race now. I thought I was going to be able to, but now I’ve got concerns. If I work race weekend, I will come in contact with hundreds of people, who will be coming in from all over the country. One of the things chemo does is weaken your immune system. I’m concerned about all the people that I would talk to, those that would want to hug me, shake my hand, let me know they care about me. As much as that would help me emotionally, will it make me susceptible to getting sick? My mom has a neighbor who has breast cancer and she was in the hospital last week because she caught a cold. The last thing I want to do is get sick on top of all of this and with all the recent reports of the flu going around, I’m not sure what to do. I see my doctor today and I’m going to ask his opinion. He will also be checking my white and red blood cell count to let me know how susceptible to infection I am and that will probably determine the decision.
I am also sad to be missing my 20 year high school reunion this weekend. It would be so great to see all my friends, but I guess it is just not in the cards for me this year.
On a positive note, after having a horrible start to my last chemo treatment, I ended on a high note. The past four days (Sunday – Wednesday) were the best four days I’ve had since this whole journey started. I had great energy, I ate normal foods for a change and my friends I spoke to all said I sounded like the “old Marcy.” I ate a slice of cheese pizza once and even made a taco salad at home – I really miss Mexican food! So I am thankful for those few “good” days and hope there are more to come.
Wish me luck with this last “red devil” chemo. I am so glad it is the last one, but am anxious going in today as I know how bad it sucks. I will be recovering at home all weekend, and then go back to work Monday. I know work needs me there as much as possible with it being race week, but I’ve got to manage taking care of my body while being there as much as I can. That is weighing on my mind a lot and I’m trying to figure out how to manage both.
Next up, I meet with my breast surgeon on Sept. 9 to finalize the mastectomy date – which is slated for Nov. 17 right now and to select a plastic surgeon for my reconstruction surgery next year. I’ve got four big hurdles following chemo: the mastectomy surgery, 6 weeks of radiation, the ovaries/fallopian tubes surgery and the breast reconstruction surgery. My goal (based on my doctors’ timelines) is to have everything completed by June 1 next year. That way, I’ve given up one year of my life to this mess and I can move forward. It would also be nice to have boobs for the summer by the pool (grin).
Thanks to everyone’s continued support and well wishes. Celebrate we are halfway with chemo!
With love,
Marcy
Sunday, August 16, 2009
Not Enough Good Days
I know I haven’t updated in since a week ago, but I haven’t been inspired. I’ve been in a bit of a funk – just a bit depressed about how bad the chemo is affecting me and how much I miss feeling well. After my second chemo, I was looking forward to seeing what a “good” day would be like and it wasn’t as good as I had hoped. For me, a good day means I can make my own breakfast, pack my lunch for work and drive myself to and from work and make myself dinner by myself. I had really hoped for much more from a “good” day, but unfortunately, it wasn’t and it was a let down for me. I seem to be able to take care of myself for about five out of every 14 days in a chemo cycle.
On a positive note, the benefit last Saturday was success and I have so many people to thank who put in countless hours trying to do something nice for me. We still have quite a few auction items that did not sell, so I’ll be posting some on craigslist in the weeks moving forward. It was also great to be able to see so many friends that night even though I was exhausted the next day. I can’t even put into words how much it meant to me to have all the friends and family who showed up to support me.
Thursday, I had my third of eight chemo treatments and it seems to be getting worse, not better in the days following. I spent Thursday, Friday and Saturday on the couch. Today I was able to get out for a few hours to do some errands, but I really didn’t feel like it. I still can’t seem to figure out the food – there are just a few things that I can stomach eating following chemo and I’m dealing with the metallic taste in my mouth.
I also can’t believe how much I’m battling nausea. My doctors have tried to help as much as possible. They have extended the big anti-nausea medicine (Emend) by two days and instead of having to take the Zofran every four hours, they have given me a patch that will last a week. It will also assist me not having to get up in the middle of the night to take the medicine to stay on the four hour schedule.
My mom has been staying with me starting with my Thursday chemo treatment and staying through the Monday morning. I’ve got a co-worker who takes me to and from work each Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday following chemo. And I’ve also got some great girlfriends who will be spending Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday nights following chemo to help me with household chores, dinner and company, just because going to work sucks every amount of energy out of me. I’m trying to rest my body as much as possible while balancing trying to work through this whole process. I couldn’t be getting through this without all the help from my friends and family.
All I keep praying for is that when I switch over to the Taxol chemo, it won’t be as bad with the nausea. I only have one more of the Adriamyacin/Cytoxin cycle on August 27 and I will be happy to get that one under my belt. My Taxol chemos will fall on Sept. 10, Sept. 24, Oct. 8 and Oct. 22 and we are hoping for less nausea under Taxol. .
The race is coming up in just a few weeks and I won’t be able to be there like I normally am. I plan on being there as much as I can during the weekend, but just not from open to close hours like I have in the past. It will be weird not to be there the whole time, but I’ve got a great staff and one of my sister track counterparts will be coming in to pinch-hit for me all race week, and for that, I am thankful.
Thanks again for everyone’s love, support and words of encouragement.
Love,
Marcy
On a positive note, the benefit last Saturday was success and I have so many people to thank who put in countless hours trying to do something nice for me. We still have quite a few auction items that did not sell, so I’ll be posting some on craigslist in the weeks moving forward. It was also great to be able to see so many friends that night even though I was exhausted the next day. I can’t even put into words how much it meant to me to have all the friends and family who showed up to support me.
Thursday, I had my third of eight chemo treatments and it seems to be getting worse, not better in the days following. I spent Thursday, Friday and Saturday on the couch. Today I was able to get out for a few hours to do some errands, but I really didn’t feel like it. I still can’t seem to figure out the food – there are just a few things that I can stomach eating following chemo and I’m dealing with the metallic taste in my mouth.
I also can’t believe how much I’m battling nausea. My doctors have tried to help as much as possible. They have extended the big anti-nausea medicine (Emend) by two days and instead of having to take the Zofran every four hours, they have given me a patch that will last a week. It will also assist me not having to get up in the middle of the night to take the medicine to stay on the four hour schedule.
My mom has been staying with me starting with my Thursday chemo treatment and staying through the Monday morning. I’ve got a co-worker who takes me to and from work each Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday following chemo. And I’ve also got some great girlfriends who will be spending Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday nights following chemo to help me with household chores, dinner and company, just because going to work sucks every amount of energy out of me. I’m trying to rest my body as much as possible while balancing trying to work through this whole process. I couldn’t be getting through this without all the help from my friends and family.
All I keep praying for is that when I switch over to the Taxol chemo, it won’t be as bad with the nausea. I only have one more of the Adriamyacin/Cytoxin cycle on August 27 and I will be happy to get that one under my belt. My Taxol chemos will fall on Sept. 10, Sept. 24, Oct. 8 and Oct. 22 and we are hoping for less nausea under Taxol. .
The race is coming up in just a few weeks and I won’t be able to be there like I normally am. I plan on being there as much as I can during the weekend, but just not from open to close hours like I have in the past. It will be weird not to be there the whole time, but I’ve got a great staff and one of my sister track counterparts will be coming in to pinch-hit for me all race week, and for that, I am thankful.
Thanks again for everyone’s love, support and words of encouragement.
Love,
Marcy
Saturday, August 8, 2009
Finally, A Break!
I haven’t updated my blog since my last chemo treatment 10 days ago. Even though this was going to be the second chemo treatment, I really felt like I was starting over figuring out what my symptoms were going to be since the last time we went from the first chemo treatment to the blood clot and then straight into the second chemo treatment with little time to rest.
My blood clot has still not dissolved. My doctors say it can take two to three weeks to subside and it has only been two weeks. It is still tender to the touch and a bit swollen, but doesn’t impact my movement too much in that area and I’m real careful now not to put too much pressure on it.
My doctors have also put my on a blood thinner medicine for the next three months to make sure I do not get any more clots. This requires my blood to be checked once a week to make sure we are getting the right dose to keep my blood at the appropriate level.
Following the July 30 chemo, I was hoping it would be an easier go-round with the symptoms. I usually just sleep a lot the night following the chemo treatment. The anti-nausea drug and steroid the doctors provide me actually allow me to function quite well the days following chemo. Friday, I work from home; Saturday, I had enough energy to run a few errands – last Saturday, my mom and I were out for about five hours and I think I need to limit that to no more than three going forward, as Sunday, I was really tired and just laid on the couch all day – I think I overdid it on Saturday being out too much.
What is disappointing to me is that as soon as I come off the great anti-nausea medicine and the steroid, I start to struggle. That following Monday through Thursday are the worst days for me. The nausea is unbearable and I have an especially hard time with it in the mornings. I have a hard time finding things to eat. I have asked a co-worker to drive me to work on those days as the one hour commute in and one hour commute home are too taxing. I sleep in the car those two hours. I also take a nap during my lunch break at work which helps tremendously, but by the time I get home at 6 p.m., I am glued to my couch; I have no energy to do anything and drift in and out of sleep. I’ve had many friends offer to start staying with me on those Monday – Wednesday nights to help me as I deal with the fatigue and nausea assisting with dinner, household chores, etc.
Thursday of this week, I hit a low point. I had felt like I hadn’t had a break yet since the chemo started. I couldn’t believe it had been a week since chemo and I was still tired and dealing with the nausea. I cried and was so mad that I just wanted a day when I could get a break.
I woke up yesterday morning still nauseas. I got to work, still dry heaving at 9:30 a.m. But by 10 a.m., I turned a corner. I felt the nausea had subsided and had a bit more energy. I still slept during the hour commute home, but when I got home, I wasn’t glued to the couch as I had been the prior four days. I still rested, but felt I had energy to do a few chores around the house.
FINALLY! I felt I had gotten a break! I wasn’t feeling great, but I wasn’t miserable as I had been for the whole week. And today I woke up feeling even better and had no morning nausea at all. I think I might actually be able to have about five days between chemo treatments now where a get a bit of a break and can feel okay for a few days. I am so happy!
My doctors have also told me that the chemo drugs I am on right now (Adriamycin and Cytoxin) come with a lot of nausea. They call Adriamycin “The Red Devil” because it causes so much nausea. I have two more treatments of those drugs, and the final four treatments will be with a drug called Taxol, which the doctors have informed me should reduce the nausea by 50%, so maybe I will only have two more bad treatments and get some better relief for the final four treatments.
Even though I am still struggling with foods, I’m trying to eat more often (small portions) every two to three hours to see it that will help with the nausea. It worked yesterday, so I’m going to try that for the entire week following the next round of chemo.
What’s most important is I am actually excited about tonight’s benefit and think I will feel decent during the event. I’m trying to rest a lot today so I have as much energy possible for the party. I was so worried all week that I wouldn’t feel well enough to attend, but I think I’ve finally turned a corner.
Thanks for everyone’s love and support. I’m looking forward to seeing everyone that is coming out for tonight’s event. I am blessed to have so many friends who have worked countless hours putting this event on and I cannot say thank you enough to all of them.
With Love,
Marcy
My blood clot has still not dissolved. My doctors say it can take two to three weeks to subside and it has only been two weeks. It is still tender to the touch and a bit swollen, but doesn’t impact my movement too much in that area and I’m real careful now not to put too much pressure on it.
My doctors have also put my on a blood thinner medicine for the next three months to make sure I do not get any more clots. This requires my blood to be checked once a week to make sure we are getting the right dose to keep my blood at the appropriate level.
Following the July 30 chemo, I was hoping it would be an easier go-round with the symptoms. I usually just sleep a lot the night following the chemo treatment. The anti-nausea drug and steroid the doctors provide me actually allow me to function quite well the days following chemo. Friday, I work from home; Saturday, I had enough energy to run a few errands – last Saturday, my mom and I were out for about five hours and I think I need to limit that to no more than three going forward, as Sunday, I was really tired and just laid on the couch all day – I think I overdid it on Saturday being out too much.
What is disappointing to me is that as soon as I come off the great anti-nausea medicine and the steroid, I start to struggle. That following Monday through Thursday are the worst days for me. The nausea is unbearable and I have an especially hard time with it in the mornings. I have a hard time finding things to eat. I have asked a co-worker to drive me to work on those days as the one hour commute in and one hour commute home are too taxing. I sleep in the car those two hours. I also take a nap during my lunch break at work which helps tremendously, but by the time I get home at 6 p.m., I am glued to my couch; I have no energy to do anything and drift in and out of sleep. I’ve had many friends offer to start staying with me on those Monday – Wednesday nights to help me as I deal with the fatigue and nausea assisting with dinner, household chores, etc.
Thursday of this week, I hit a low point. I had felt like I hadn’t had a break yet since the chemo started. I couldn’t believe it had been a week since chemo and I was still tired and dealing with the nausea. I cried and was so mad that I just wanted a day when I could get a break.
I woke up yesterday morning still nauseas. I got to work, still dry heaving at 9:30 a.m. But by 10 a.m., I turned a corner. I felt the nausea had subsided and had a bit more energy. I still slept during the hour commute home, but when I got home, I wasn’t glued to the couch as I had been the prior four days. I still rested, but felt I had energy to do a few chores around the house.
FINALLY! I felt I had gotten a break! I wasn’t feeling great, but I wasn’t miserable as I had been for the whole week. And today I woke up feeling even better and had no morning nausea at all. I think I might actually be able to have about five days between chemo treatments now where a get a bit of a break and can feel okay for a few days. I am so happy!
My doctors have also told me that the chemo drugs I am on right now (Adriamycin and Cytoxin) come with a lot of nausea. They call Adriamycin “The Red Devil” because it causes so much nausea. I have two more treatments of those drugs, and the final four treatments will be with a drug called Taxol, which the doctors have informed me should reduce the nausea by 50%, so maybe I will only have two more bad treatments and get some better relief for the final four treatments.
Even though I am still struggling with foods, I’m trying to eat more often (small portions) every two to three hours to see it that will help with the nausea. It worked yesterday, so I’m going to try that for the entire week following the next round of chemo.
What’s most important is I am actually excited about tonight’s benefit and think I will feel decent during the event. I’m trying to rest a lot today so I have as much energy possible for the party. I was so worried all week that I wouldn’t feel well enough to attend, but I think I’ve finally turned a corner.
Thanks for everyone’s love and support. I’m looking forward to seeing everyone that is coming out for tonight’s event. I am blessed to have so many friends who have worked countless hours putting this event on and I cannot say thank you enough to all of them.
With Love,
Marcy
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Hoping It Gets Better
I just finished today with my second chemo appointment. The past two weeks since my first chemo appointment have been the roughest in my life, which is why I haven’t been able to update much.
I had my first chemo on Thursday, July 16 and felt bad that Thursday and Friday, battling nausea and fatigue. Saturday and Sunday went pretty well except for one of my anti-nausea medicines caused nerve issues (jaw tightening and swollen tongue), so they swapped it out for another drug. I thought I was going to be fine on Monday, but that’s when the pain in the right shoulder started. I also battled with nausea on Monday through Wednesday. The pain got so bad in the shoulder I ended up being hospitalized on Saturday where they diagnosed me with a blood clot in the right side of my neck. That hospital stay was way worse than any side effects from chemo – toughest three days of my life thus far.
I was discharged from the hospital Monday night and I worked from home Tuesday and Wednesday. I’ve been receiving blood thinner shots twice a day since I’ve been home. My dad had to get trained how to do it and he’s been my hero, being able to give me my shots each day.
I haven’t been alone since Saturday night. My mom was with me throughout the hospital stay, my dad stayed with me for two days, my brother spent the night with me last night (on his birthday, no less), so I’ve had a lot of help. I’ve got my mom and a girlfriend helping me this weekend through chemo and two girlfriends who are nurses who will also help administer the shots over the next week and a half. There’s a chance we will be done with the shots on Monday, so keep your fingers crossed my blood levels come back to where we can quit those. I think God is determined for me to overcome my fear of needles through this whole thing.
I know many of you have reached out to want to help, come see me, etc. Because these first two weeks were so rough, I haven’t felt good at all. I’ve needed constant help from family and close friends. My parents want me to have someone with me overnight each night until this blood clot dissolves. I hope once we get through this blood clot I will be open to having visitors. There will be plenty of time that I will want to have some company, but right now I’m not up for it as I’m just trying to focus and manage through all the symptoms being thrown at me. It amazes me how many medicines I’m taking to manage this process.
I didn’t have a chance to update you on one of my doctor’s appointment from last week. I saw my gynecological oncologist on Friday to learn more about my risk of developing ovarian cancer. He told me since I have tested positive for the BRCA-1 gene, I have a 40%-60% chance of developing ovarian cancer, depending on the study you look at. No good screening process exists for ovarian cancer. And while there is a 4 out of 5 survival rate for breast cancer, the survival rate for ovarian cancer is 1 out of 5, so all of those numbers and unknowns scared me. With all of information, I have made the decision to have the surgery to remove my ovaries and fallopian tubes next year in 2010.
I made this decision for the following reasons:
1) The percentages are too large and the screening process is not good and I don’t want to take any chances.
2) Even if my eggs do survive chemotherapy, I would want have to have my eggs genetics tested to make sure I do not pass down that gene.
3) The fact that I won’t be ready to attempt to conceive naturally by March of next year (as I have no idea who the father would be); I would be looking at an egg harvest to use my eggs at a later day. Harvesting eggs requires a large amount of hormones to be given to me during that process and medically, it isn’t in my best interest to be pumping more hormones into my body.
With my decision, here are my future reproductive options:
1) I don’t need my ovaries and uterus to carry a child, so I could carry one with a donor egg at later date – this is the least likely option to me as I’m not sure I want to put my body through a pregnancy after 40 (which is tougher on the body) especially since I would have spent the prior two years undergoing a massive amount of medical procedures/surgeries. I just think this might be too hard on my body too quickly after all is being done to it over the next two year.
2) Donor egg carried by surrogate.
3) Adoption.
The side effect of having my ovaries and fallopian tubes taken at such young age is it will put me into early menopause. Even worse is most menopause patients are given hormones to help manage their symptoms and I am not allowed to take any more hormones for the rest of my life. That will be another obstacle to overcome on the other side of this journey.
I just keep praying for some good news somewhere soon. I pray this chemo doesn’t affect my body too badly over the next week and that this blood clot heals as soon as possible – they say that is a two-three week process. I would love nothing more than to actually have a week in-between chemo appointments when I actually feel okay. I am really looking forward to the August 8 event and it would be so amazing to actually feel decent for a change. As bad as it’s been lately, I’m hoping it can only get better from here.
Thanks for keeping up with me.
Love,
Marcy
I had my first chemo on Thursday, July 16 and felt bad that Thursday and Friday, battling nausea and fatigue. Saturday and Sunday went pretty well except for one of my anti-nausea medicines caused nerve issues (jaw tightening and swollen tongue), so they swapped it out for another drug. I thought I was going to be fine on Monday, but that’s when the pain in the right shoulder started. I also battled with nausea on Monday through Wednesday. The pain got so bad in the shoulder I ended up being hospitalized on Saturday where they diagnosed me with a blood clot in the right side of my neck. That hospital stay was way worse than any side effects from chemo – toughest three days of my life thus far.
I was discharged from the hospital Monday night and I worked from home Tuesday and Wednesday. I’ve been receiving blood thinner shots twice a day since I’ve been home. My dad had to get trained how to do it and he’s been my hero, being able to give me my shots each day.
I haven’t been alone since Saturday night. My mom was with me throughout the hospital stay, my dad stayed with me for two days, my brother spent the night with me last night (on his birthday, no less), so I’ve had a lot of help. I’ve got my mom and a girlfriend helping me this weekend through chemo and two girlfriends who are nurses who will also help administer the shots over the next week and a half. There’s a chance we will be done with the shots on Monday, so keep your fingers crossed my blood levels come back to where we can quit those. I think God is determined for me to overcome my fear of needles through this whole thing.
I know many of you have reached out to want to help, come see me, etc. Because these first two weeks were so rough, I haven’t felt good at all. I’ve needed constant help from family and close friends. My parents want me to have someone with me overnight each night until this blood clot dissolves. I hope once we get through this blood clot I will be open to having visitors. There will be plenty of time that I will want to have some company, but right now I’m not up for it as I’m just trying to focus and manage through all the symptoms being thrown at me. It amazes me how many medicines I’m taking to manage this process.
I didn’t have a chance to update you on one of my doctor’s appointment from last week. I saw my gynecological oncologist on Friday to learn more about my risk of developing ovarian cancer. He told me since I have tested positive for the BRCA-1 gene, I have a 40%-60% chance of developing ovarian cancer, depending on the study you look at. No good screening process exists for ovarian cancer. And while there is a 4 out of 5 survival rate for breast cancer, the survival rate for ovarian cancer is 1 out of 5, so all of those numbers and unknowns scared me. With all of information, I have made the decision to have the surgery to remove my ovaries and fallopian tubes next year in 2010.
I made this decision for the following reasons:
1) The percentages are too large and the screening process is not good and I don’t want to take any chances.
2) Even if my eggs do survive chemotherapy, I would want have to have my eggs genetics tested to make sure I do not pass down that gene.
3) The fact that I won’t be ready to attempt to conceive naturally by March of next year (as I have no idea who the father would be); I would be looking at an egg harvest to use my eggs at a later day. Harvesting eggs requires a large amount of hormones to be given to me during that process and medically, it isn’t in my best interest to be pumping more hormones into my body.
With my decision, here are my future reproductive options:
1) I don’t need my ovaries and uterus to carry a child, so I could carry one with a donor egg at later date – this is the least likely option to me as I’m not sure I want to put my body through a pregnancy after 40 (which is tougher on the body) especially since I would have spent the prior two years undergoing a massive amount of medical procedures/surgeries. I just think this might be too hard on my body too quickly after all is being done to it over the next two year.
2) Donor egg carried by surrogate.
3) Adoption.
The side effect of having my ovaries and fallopian tubes taken at such young age is it will put me into early menopause. Even worse is most menopause patients are given hormones to help manage their symptoms and I am not allowed to take any more hormones for the rest of my life. That will be another obstacle to overcome on the other side of this journey.
I just keep praying for some good news somewhere soon. I pray this chemo doesn’t affect my body too badly over the next week and that this blood clot heals as soon as possible – they say that is a two-three week process. I would love nothing more than to actually have a week in-between chemo appointments when I actually feel okay. I am really looking forward to the August 8 event and it would be so amazing to actually feel decent for a change. As bad as it’s been lately, I’m hoping it can only get better from here.
Thanks for keeping up with me.
Love,
Marcy
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