New Do

So I got my new haircut today and I’ll have it three weeks before my hair falls out. This is the shortest I’ve had it since I was four years old. I was proud of myself – didn’t cry at all. If you are my Facebook friend, I added two picture galleries – one of the new haircut and one of wig shopping. Let’s just say, I was never meant to be a blond, so have a good laugh at those!

I was also able to donate my hair to Locks of Love. They do not require donations to be a minimum of 10 inches anymore. They can use shorter pieces and I will have seven inches to donate.

Wig shopping was interesting. My mom and one of my best friends came along with me and we played around with many wigs and had some good laughs. While trying on the wigs, I had to put on a wig cap to hold my hair down – it was skin colored, so it was the first time I could imagine myself bald. I didn’t get upset, but it did bother me.

I’m still not sure about the whole wig thing and how it will look, but I received a human hair wig as a gift and my parents are going to buy me a synthetic one as well. I think I’ll just have to wait and see what I feel best in when my hair is gone. Nothing yet has felt quite like “me.”

At least I had some fun today and made the most of the situation.

Thanks for following along!

Love,
Marcy

Frustrated

I received a call yesterday from the nurse assigned to me at Piedmont. She called me to confirm an appointment at the wellness center, and the she told me, that I was the patient of the day discussed at Piedmont’s Tumor Board. Each week all the oncologists, lymphatic specialists and doctors get together to discuss a case (my name was never mentioned, but the nurse knew it was me due to the “dove bar” underneath my arm). It is nice to know that there were lots of people interested in my case and many doctors able to give insight. They determined my case “special” due to the way my cancer presented itself. It didn’t present itself in a tumor. The mass was deep in my breast and kept expelling the bad cells, to which the lymph node under my arm kept catching. It was doing its job – to capture waste and process it through the lymph system. However, this lymph node did such a great job catching the cells, which is why it grew so big. A lymphatic specialist now wants to meet with me to understand the size of the lymph node and how it impacted all the arm pain I was having.

Anyway, now the doctors aren’t sure if any of the cancer has escaped to the lymph system, so I have to have what’s called a PET SCAN Monday morning. It’s a full body scan to make sure the cancer hasn’t spread elsewhere and I’m not Stage 4 – only Stage 3 as they have hoped.

My first visit yesterday was to my breast surgeon. She did another biopsy in her office on the area of origin. I won’t lie – it hurt like hell. Felt like she was bearing down right into my chest. I cried of course.

Next was the visit to the oncologist. Where we are both frustrated is the receptor study results are still not back from the lab in California. These results determine what type of chemo drugs I get and how often. My doctor says he does not expect the results to come back positive from those, just due to the fact that only 15% of people come back with positive readings.

With that, he has outlined a course of treatment for me with the exception that if the receptor studies come back positive, he will change the course. He should know those results Monday or Tuesday at the latest.

Next steps are the PET SCAN Monday and the next Monday they want to do a baseline echogram of my heart because the cancer drugs can weaken the heart muscles.

My chemo treatments will be the following (as long as the receptor studies come back negative): once every two weeks for four months, changing the mix of drugs halfway. I will start my first chemo treatment on Thursday, July 16. My doctor feels assured that my toughest days will be the second and third day after chemo. So on my weeks I have chemo, I will have them on Thursday afternoons, work from home on Fridays (just to rest my body as much as possible), then my bad days should be that Saturday and Sunday, so I can be ready for the next work week ahead. I want to continue to work during this process. I know my energy will be lower and I know I won’t be able to do all the overtime hours I used to, but it’s important to me to keep working. I love my job and think it will be a good distraction for me and something else to focus on.

I will listen to my body and try to bring my lunch each day and nap for 30-45 minutes where I had used to go out to lunch. My mom went to the nutritionist this week and we cleaned out my pantry and refrigerator last night. There will be only healthy eating for me the next four months and probably little to no eating out. Trying to avoid any processed foods and eat as organic as possible. I got upset a little bit checking out of the store last night as my buggy was full of crap I’ve never bought before. And let me tell you, the healthy organic food never goes on sale so my bill was pretty high.

I cried before bed last night. Just overwhelmed at how much my life is changing and how much I will be losing in this process. I’m proud of myself for the positive attitude I’ve had most days, but some days it is too much to process – between the two doctors visits, the biopsy that hurt, the unanswered receptor study, having to do two more tests and the changes in my kitchen, it just overwhelmed me to tears.

Today is the shorter hair cut and visits to two wig shops. Hopefully, I will find something I like.

I’ve also had people ask if I had a registry somewhere. I registered for a few things on http://www.headcovers.com/. You have to enter in my first and last name, plus my email address, which I used the marcylscott@gmail.com address.

On a funny note, a few of my high school girlfriends came over and brought me dinner on Thursday night. Beth showed up in a trench coat and said she had surprise for me. She threw the jacket off and underneath she was dressed in our Trickum Middle School cheerleading uniform. The wench can still fit into it – barely, but she got it buttoned, so props to her. We all had a big laugh. They were so sweet – kept my mind off things and was a fun evening of laughing and reminiscing. (see photo above).

Also, save the date – August 8. I’ve got some great friends working on a fundraiser in my honor to help with my medical expenses and what I can’t use will be donated to breast cancer research. It will be called “Think Pink” and is being held at Opera. Michelle Muessle-Dauble is spearheading this along with many others, so I am very grateful. I wasn’t for it at first, as I don’t like to be the center of attention for anything, but have come to realize that I need help and have many people in my life who want to help in some way and this hopefully will be a fun and positive event for all. So be looking for a pink outfit – I think a prize will be give for the best one. I’m actually looking really forward to it now and hope to get to see many of my friends there.

I will post a picture of the new haircut later.

Thanks for all your love and support!

With love,
Marcy

First bit of good news…

I got a call from my breast surgeon yesterday afternoon. She received the results of my MRI. The feel they know the probable source of origin of my cancer now. It is a 2.6cm (over 1 inch) place that is in the left breast, lower 6 o’clock area (like if you were looking at the face of a clock). She said it is very deep in there and was not picked up in the mammogram as it would have been squeezed into the chest wall. The good news is that they do not believe it to be in the lymph nodes and is contained in the breast AND that after chemo, they believe it can be completed with a lumpectomy and radiation, so I would not require a mastectomy. The only way I would lose my breasts now is if the genetics test comes back positive read for the BRAC gene. Let’s keep our fingers crossed for that to come back negative next week. I have to go back to my breast surgeon on Friday for another biopsy of that source of origin area now. I guess God is determined to make me overcome my fear of needles, so I will get stuck again – UGH! Thanks for all the prayers and support. It must be working as I am so relieved for this first bit of good news. Let’s hope we continue to get better news each day!

With love,
Marcy

Ouch!

Yesterday was the surgery to put in my port for chemotherapy treatments and another needle biopsy, followed by a MRI.

I arrived at the hospital at 6 a.m. with two of my close girlfriends who both have nursing degrees and work in different capacities in the medical field. They kept me talking and laughing trying to keep me occupied before the procedure.

A nurse came to get me to take me back to get prepped for surgery. When she told me to put on the gown, I started crying. At that point, it all sunk in that this is the start of the long road ahead of me and it all became overwhelming; plus I had never had major surgery like this before. They started the IV quickly and gave me something to calm down. I was told I was a chatterbox from there. I got to see my mom, dad, brother and two friends before they started the procedure. I remember getting wheeled back to the surgery room and talking to my surgeon for a bit, but after that, nothing else.

I woke up in recovery with a really sore throat and the side where they did the biopsy was hurting like mad. I really didn’t feel anything much where they put the port in. Drank some ginger ale and ate some Italian ice for the throat and they gave me pain meds and anti-nausea meds too.

My MRI was originally scheduled for 4 p.m., but the nurses called and got me worked in at 12:30 p.m., so I went straight from recovery to the MRI. I was scared, dry heaved a bit, but once settled in the machine, it was fine. It only lasted about 30 minutes.

Following the MRI, I was discharged and sent home. Mom stayed the night with me and I rested a ton. I ate chicken noodle soup, crackers and Jello all while my stomach was doing somersaults and back flips. I also had an anesthesia hangover (really bad headache).

Mom took great care of me last night and this morning and sent me off to work driven by a co-worker that lives nearby. I’m feeling as best that could be expected today, but trying to take it easy.

Mom has a meeting today with the nutritionist to make sure I will be eating right prior to and after the chemo treatments and preparing my body for it as best we can.

Best news I’ve received all week, is a friend of mine wears a wig full time due to losing her hair years ago. I never knew her hair wasn't real, as she has the most beautiful head of hair. She said she has gotten a free one in a package she had bought and wouldn’t be able to use it, so she is donating that free one to me. I bawled my eyes out by her generosity.

Next big step is Friday, July 10 with the oncologist. At that point, all the results of yesterday’s tests will be in and a course of treatment will be unveiled, so all we can do now is wait. My breast surgeon said that my oncologist might even start chemo Friday afternoon, but if he didn’t, I could plan on it starting Monday, July 13. I’ll keep you in the loop with Friday's results.

Again, I cannot say enough about Piedmont Hospital and the staff there. Each and every medical professional I encountered was kind and helpful and really seemed to care. I couldn’t say thank you enough to every person that helped me.

Thanks to you for all your love and support, and keep praying for positive test results on Friday!

With love,
Marcy

How is it that I feel blessed?

Even though I’m going through this hellish process, I’m blown away about how blessed I am.

Between my family, friends, my work family at AMS, the Atlanta sports media community and being a part of the NASCAR community, I am astounded at how much love and support I have right now. All I can think about is the people who go through something like this and do not have the network of support that I do. I cannot imagine facing this and feeling alone without any assistance.

Thank you to everyone who has sent me an email or post of support. This has given me more strength than you will ever know. I am also touched by how many of you have been impacted by cancer in your life – yourself, a family member or a friend. I have also had quite a few people reach out to offer advice for those that have gone through this. Thank you and I may reach out in the future, but right now I’m getting all the information I can about the next few weeks ahead from my doctors. I’m not sure I want to jump too far ahead learning about this road I have in front of me the next few months. I am already scared enough and processing so much information right now. In some ways, ignorance is bliss. I can’t imagine having more to worry about that isn’t right in front of me. This will be a long journey and I’m sure there will be time to connect.

I’m also so impressed with the cancer program at Piedmont Hospital. I swear, everyone there must have to pass some type of kindness test in order to work there. I have a nurse that is dedicated to me and my time with her does not get billed to my insurance program. They have a wellness center that provides counseling services, a nutritionist, yoga classes, acupuncture, massage, cooking classes, resources classes all for free for cancer patients. I am blown away by all they provide and all of this is provided by grants from the Susan G. Komen foundation and the American Cancer Society mostly, I believe. So for any of you that donate to those organizations – THANK YOU! I cannot tell you how wonderful that resource is – it is such a comfort. I signed up for a class that will provide beauty techniques to battle the side effects of chemo. I didn’t realize that I won’t be able to use many of the beauty products I use now. My bathroom is going to have to undergo a complete overhaul.

Yesterday was a good news/bad news day.
The good news:
1) Talked to the nurse I mentioned above and she was AMAZING. I was able to ask her the myriad of questions. She informed me that if my biopsy comes back with a positive reading for the HER2, that is the chemo that I will have to undergo once a week. Please pray for that to come back negative. She said if I do not have that, then I should expect to have chemo treatments every two to three weeks. She suggested after my first chemo treatment, to set aside the whole next week off work, as I won’t be able to know which day will be my “bad” day. She said for some people it is day 2, for some day 5, but the good news is that once I find what my “bad” day will be, that I can predict that to be my bad day going forward. That if I get sick on day 5, it will always be day 5, so that’s good news. She also assured me that this time I’m going through right now is the worst time, just because there is still so much unknown. That once I get through this, that I can finally figure out what my new “normal” would be. She said it won’t be fun, but it will be predictable, so I can try to lead as normal I life I can. That this is my hell period right now, so I have hope that it won’t be worse than this – thank God, because it is bad.
2) I was also told that one of my coworker’s wife is a nurse where I am having my surgery Tuesday, so he promised she would take good care of my and my family/friends, so that was very comforting.

For the bad news:
1) When I went to go make my appointment with the wig person, I was informed my insurance does not provide wigs for cancer patients. The wigs can run $450-$650 for synthetic and human hair wigs start at $1,000. Tracy Carmony with WXIA-TV has offered to coordinate putting a fund together for anyone wanting to help donate and her email address is tcarmony@wxia.gannett.com.

As I’m gathering all this information, here are the biggest hurdles I have coming up:
1) July 7 – port surgery, biopsy and MRI
2) July 10 – meeting with the oncologist to determine what kind of cancer I have and the treatment plan
3) Week of July 13 – first chemo treatment (and learning what my bad day will be)
4) Week of July 13 – results from genetics testing that will let me know if I have to have a double mastectomy and removal of ovaries/fallopian tubes at the end of this road
5) Between July 30 through August 3 – losing my hair

I hope that once I get through this time period, I hope to be able to find my “new” normal. I hope to be able to return to doing things with friends and I’m sure at that time my close friends and family will enjoy taking a break and letting someone else occupy some of my time socially. Just know that this first month is tough and it is overwhelming just keeping my close circle informed.

I am also proud of myself. If you know me well, you know I pride myself of being a strong, independent person. I have realized now that I have to give things away and focus all my energy on getting well. I have turned my diet over to my mother. I will let her make all my meals and make sure that I’m eating the foods the nutritionist outlines. She will also be cleaning my house. I’ve turned all my indoor and outdoor plants to my best friend who lives next door. I’ve asked another friend to educate herself and teach me how to tie head scarves. So I’m learning to ask for help and give up control. For those of you that know me well, you can laugh now. I now don’t care how the dishes are put in the dishwasher, where things go in the refrigerator, how the towels are folded or where things get put away. It really doesn’t matter much anymore – I’m just thankful for the help.

As for how I feel? I’m still in a bit of pain. My left arm now aches all the way to my fingertips and the pain medicine isn’t much help. I’m actually looking forward now to the first chemo treatment so it can be shrunk and get some relief. Also, the nausea hasn’t gone away. I don’t feel like eating and have to force myself to eat. I’ve lost seven pounds in five days. Mornings seem to be the worst. Since Saturday night, I haven’t been sleeping at all. Usually on 2-3 hours a night. Fortunately, I think the exhaustion set in as I went to bed at 9:30 p.m. last night and slept until 6:00 a.m. this morning. This morning was also positive. It didn’t have as hard a time getting ready. The past few days, it has been heartbreaking getting ready each morning. Crying in the shower. Hating myself looking in the mirror because I’m unsure of what I will look like a month from now. Styling my hair has been the worst – it isn’t fun anymore; it is heartbreaking. The best analogy I can give you is someone trying to kiss you that you know is breaking up with you in a month. How can I love something anymore that I know is going to let me down soon in a really big way?

I’m trying to keep busy – work, time with friends and trying to rest are helping right now. I’m just trying to keep my mind occupied until Tuesday next week which will be a rollercoaster.

Many of you have asked for my home address. If you are my Facebook friend, I have posted it there. If you know my parents, you can email them to request it. Most of you know where I work, so you can find that address too. I just don’t want to post my address on the internet since this is an open forum that anyone can see.

Thank you again for all your kindness and concern. I am truly blessed to have each and every one of you in my life.

No one can ever prepare you for this.....

First, thank you for your care and concern for me. I created this blog for several reasons: one, I hope it is therapeutic for me and two, I needed a vehicle for friends and family to get the most current information on what I’m going through. I am so unbelievably blessed to have so many friends who want to reach out right now. But at the same time, I don’t have the energy to field all the phone calls. It really drains you having to tell the same information over and over again, all the while crying your eyes out. Heck, maybe that’s what’s supposed to happen because it does numb you.

What I can tell you is hearing the word “cancer” is worse than you can ever imagine. No one, and I mean no one, can prepare you for it. It brought me to my knees the first time I knew I was in trouble.

To save time and space, I’m going to try to give all of you the shortest version I can of how I got to where I am today and what the doctors have said. I know this blog entry will probably be the longest one I ever post, because there is so much information. No one prepares you for how much information is thrown at you at once. It feels like a job keeping up with it all.

This all started in early June with a pain in my left breast. I did a self breast exam on June 9 and found a large mass under my left armpit. Best I can describe it as is like a bar of Dove soap, about 3 inches wide and round in shape. It seemed like it came up overnight. I made an appointment with my primary care physician on June 10, who thought it might be a cyst or infected lymph node. I received a mammogram and ultrasound on June 11. Since they saw blood vessels on the ultrasound, they believed it to be an infected lymph node, prescribed me antibiotics for 10 days and sent me on my way. The antibiotics did not work and was referred to a breast surgeon, since the tissue in the armpit is considered breast. I received a great referral from a friend who pointed me in the direction of a group at Piedmont Hospital. The appointment was on June 22 and they did a needle biopsy in the office. They confirmed it was not a cyst since the needle did not deflate it. So, in my mind, I had decided it was an infected lymph node. NEVER did cancer ever enter my mind.

I called the doctor on Saturday, June 27 at 10:30 p.m. because I was in pain. I asked her if she would please just prescribe me a new antibiotic because I didn’t want to await test results to start getting some relief. She informed me that what I was dealing with was not an infected lymph node. It brought me to my knees. I knew from research that if it wasn’t an infected lymph node it was something real, real bad. I still can’t describe well that feeling – it just levels you.

I had to wait two days later, on Monday, June 29 to hear the word “cancer.” I was glad I had two days to prepare for that appointment. Had I not, I wouldn’t have heard a word the doctor said and the amount of information they throw at you, you have to be prepared for.

The next stop was an appointment with the oncologist on Tuesday, June 30. The doctors still do not have all the information they are looking for to define my cancer. At this point, they care classifying it as “Stage 3 Infiltrating Ductal Carcinoma.” Carcinoma means cancer. Ductal means it originated in the ducts. Infiltrating means it has spread outside the area of origin. Stage 3 refers to the size. Cancer stages are listed as 0 to 4, with 4 being it has traveled to other areas in the body.

The oncologist needs more information about the cells to narrow down the course of treatment. This will be done on Tuesday, July 7. Another needle biopsy will be preformed, plus I will be undergoing surgery to have a port put in. A port is a less painful way to administer chemotherapy. It sits around your collarbone/chest area under your skin. They also use it to take blood samples as they want to try to prevent anemia, which is a side effect of chemotherapy. I will also be undergoing a MRI the same day, all which will help the oncologist get the best information he can to start my treatment. He’s still missing the information on the presence of an estrogen receptor and HER2, plus the tumor size and if it has spread to the lymph nodes. Hopefully, with the biopsy and MRI, he can determine which chemotherapy drugs he will be administering and how often I will need chemo. It can be as often as once a week and a few as once every three weeks. Chemo will start the week of July 13.

I was informed no matter what drugs he uses, I will lose my hair. I didn’t realize it would happen so soon. They say it will come out 17 days to the day from my first chemo treatment. I’m still not sure I have come to terms with that, no matter how often I say it. I have a great hairdresser who advised me to cut it shorter beforehand so it is not so traumatic. So on Saturday, July 11, I will be going shorter and by the first of August, it will all be gone.

Here is what the doctor says will be the course of the treatment:
1) 4-6 months of chemotherapy
2) One month rest
3) Surgery following – this can be a lumpectomy with radiation or it could be a mastectomy. I had to see a genealogist today to determine if I have the BRAC gene. If I do, they will recommend a double mastectomy and removal of the ovaries and fallopian tubes. I get those results 14 days from today. Pray that result comes back negative.
4) Two months rest
5) Followed by hormonal treatment for five years and observation

I was also not prepared to hear that the chemotherapy would drastically affect my fertility. I met with a fertility doctor today to see if my eggs could be saved before chemotherapy. Unfortunately, if we started today, it would take 17 days to do a full harvest and my oncologist needs to start chemo before then due to the advanced stage of my cancer. If I ever do give birth, it will be six years from now and it will never be my own child – it would have to be done with a donor egg.

Needless to say, in the last few days, I have learned I have an advanced stage of cancer and have to give up my dream of giving birth to my own child. I can’t imagine it getting any worse than that.

I appreciate all your concern. I will continue to post updates and I promise it will never be this long again.

I am blessed to have my parents, close girlfriends and amazing co-workers to help me through all of this. I know many of you have made offers to help and you feel helpless in the process, so here’s what you can do:

1) Pray for me, as much as you can. Never underestimate the power of prayer.

2) Send me emails of encouragement or cards or whatever is on your mind, but allow me not to respond. Fielding phone calls right now is overwhelming. I just can’t continue to repeat these horrible things over and over. It is too painful. But I sincerely do appreciate the gesture.

3) I need laughter right now. Anything that would make me smile or take my mind off of things is awesome. It creates a sense of normalcy.

4) And if you really want to DO something, shop for a kick ass hat or scarf (36” square) for me. I still want to look trendy when I lose my hair and I will be without it for quite a long time. It would be cool to have a nice selection to choose from. I also want to donate it when I’m done to help someone else who doesn’t have the great support network I do.

Thank you again for all your care and concern. It means so much, but it is so hard to process just all the medical information right now. You can subscribe to the blog and be updated each time I make the post if you are interested in following my journey.

With love,
Marcy