Monday, March 26 marks the 1,000th day since diagnosis. I wasn’t counting up to this day. I discovered it thinking about my three year anniversary coming up in June. I couldn’t help but do the math.
What it does bring into perspective is thinking about my Grandpa Hollis. He was an original member of the Army’s Golden Knights parachute team. He made 1,001 jumps before he hung his parachute. I can’t imagine jumping out of a plane every day since I was diagnosed. It really hits home how many 1,001 jumps really are. Here’s his profile … kinda cool: http://www.goldenknightsaa.com/roster/detail-spt.asp?memberid=1380
I haven’t updated my blog since my last surgery in December. The outcome wasn’t what I had hoped for. The easiest way to explain it is the radiation has severely compromised my skin on the left side and it is very thin – you can feel the implant through the skin. It doesn’t move and still is painful. The more I talk to other patients and medical professionals, it turns out it isn’t all that uncommon. Many patients seem to have problems with expanders and implants following radiation – both from an infection standpoint and looking somewhat normal.
Following the advisement from both my breast surgeon and former reconstructive surgeon, I’ve switched to a new reconstructive surgeon who specializes in a procedure called the DIEP flap. Not many surgeons do this procedure because you have to be a micro-surgeon to do it and the surgery is a 10-hour procedure. She will take out my implants and use my stomach tissue to make new breasts and they will use the stomach skin to replace the radiated skin. The recovery is lengthy – four to six weeks. I will be in the hospital for five days – two of which will be in ICU to make sure the flap transfer does not fail. While the surgery and recovery will be arduous, the benefits are removing the radiated skin and not having any foreign objects in my body. If I had stuck with my implants, I would be looking at replacing them at least once, probably twice in my lifetime, plus the doctors are concerned about that thin skin holding up over a lifetime.
Once I decided to have this surgery, my surgeon urged me to gain weight. She said you can never have too much to work with. I’ve gained 7 pounds and been eating whatever I’ve wanted, so that’s been a bonus. No dieting! On my pre-op appointment, she grabbed all my belly fat and said, “This is GREAT!!!” I chuckled as I feel certain this is the only time in my life a doctor will praise me for gaining weight.
On a serious note, I could use your prayers. The surgery is April 9 and I’ve been pretty nervous. I surprised myself of actually being scared of surgery – you’d think I’d be okay with this after all I’ve been through, however, if the flap fails (which they’ve assured my surgeon has a zero percent failure rate after 500 of these surgeries), I will have to go back to wearing prosthetics. Plus, the recovery will be tough. I’m in ICU for two days where they wake you up every hour to make sure the flap doesn’t fail and I can’t walk for four days. I was having issues sleeping due to being nervous, but I think I’ve finally made peace with my decision. I know it is the right decision. It still isn’t easy to do, no matter how many times you’ve gone into surgery.
If all goes well, I will have to have one follow up surgery about three to four months after – just to finish shaping everything. That one should be easy – outpatient and only out of work two to three days.
I had hoped by the three-year mark I would have been done with all of this, but that won’t be the case. I can’t change it so I won’t worry about it. It is what it is.
Thanks again for keeping up with me.
Love,
Marcy
Monday, March 26, 2012
Sunday, December 11, 2011
Two Years Cancer Free and Surgery No. 10
Gosh, it’s been awhile since I’ve updated this blog, but reflecting, that’s a great thing. That means there has not been any treatments/surgeries since August. Whoo hoo!
I should have blogged on Dec. 1 as it was my two year cancer free birthday, but instead I was out in Las Vegas for the NASCAR year end awards banquet and did my own celebrating of this occasion. Two years is big. The doctors tell you that at the five year mark that if a cancer recurs, it is considered a new cancer, so that’s when you REALLY celebrate, but the two year mark is one where you can really breathe easier, because if the cancer comes back within that two year window, it is something to worry about. Thankfully, now I don’t have to worry about that. Here's a picture of me from the banquet - it's amazing how good you can look when you have your hair and makeup professionally done!
Back when I was spending
every day of my vacation for medical treatments, I vowed that there was so much of the world I wanted to see before I died, so when I had the chance, I was going to travel more. Well, I tacked on three extra days to my Vegas trip and went with my friend Anne to Palm Springs. We drove from Las Vegas through the Mojave Desert to Palm Springs. Of all the things we saw on the trip, my favorite was Joshua Tree National Park. I’d need a whole other blog to tell you all we did, but it was a fantastic trip. The picture of me is at Arch Rock in Joshua Tree.
I also never blogged about my vacation I took in September. It was a dual vacation – to celebrate my 40th birthday and it was supposed to be celebration of being done with all my surgeries. When I planned it back in January 2011, I was supposed to have only had one more surgery in February 2011 and I’d be done. I never dreamed that from February to August, I would have four surgeries, two hospitalizations, three weeks of chemo-like antibiotics and four weeks of regular antibiotics to battle an infection topped off with six weeks of hyperbaric treatments. At least I was healthy enough to take the trip to St. Lucia. It was a week of heaven. No phone, TV or computer. We had our own pool, housekeeper and chef. We had magically refilling glasses all week and it was just a dream. Here's a link to the album of the trip if you'd like to take a look at all the fun: https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.2036694432224.2102810.1090111023&type=1&l=4b99cd2f56
I should have blogged on Dec. 1 as it was my two year cancer free birthday, but instead I was out in Las Vegas for the NASCAR year end awards banquet and did my own celebrating of this occasion. Two years is big. The doctors tell you that at the five year mark that if a cancer recurs, it is considered a new cancer, so that’s when you REALLY celebrate, but the two year mark is one where you can really breathe easier, because if the cancer comes back within that two year window, it is something to worry about. Thankfully, now I don’t have to worry about that. Here's a picture of me from the banquet - it's amazing how good you can look when you have your hair and makeup professionally done!
Back when I was spending
every day of my vacation for medical treatments, I vowed that there was so much of the world I wanted to see before I died, so when I had the chance, I was going to travel more. Well, I tacked on three extra days to my Vegas trip and went with my friend Anne to Palm Springs. We drove from Las Vegas through the Mojave Desert to Palm Springs. Of all the things we saw on the trip, my favorite was Joshua Tree National Park. I’d need a whole other blog to tell you all we did, but it was a fantastic trip. The picture of me is at Arch Rock in Joshua Tree.I also never blogged about my vacation I took in September. It was a dual vacation – to celebrate my 40th birthday and it was supposed to be celebration of being done with all my surgeries. When I planned it back in January 2011, I was supposed to have only had one more surgery in February 2011 and I’d be done. I never dreamed that from February to August, I would have four surgeries, two hospitalizations, three weeks of chemo-like antibiotics and four weeks of regular antibiotics to battle an infection topped off with six weeks of hyperbaric treatments. At least I was healthy enough to take the trip to St. Lucia. It was a week of heaven. No phone, TV or computer. We had our own pool, housekeeper and chef. We had magically refilling glasses all week and it was just a dream. Here's a link to the album of the trip if you'd like to take a look at all the fun: https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.2036694432224.2102810.1090111023&type=1&l=4b99cd2f56
Despite having all those surgeries this year, I’m still not done. On December 14, I will have another surgery for the breast reconstruction. It is called a fat transfer. While my right breast looks fine, the left one is still problematic from all the radiation and surgeries (i.e. scar tissue). It is not a round shape and has lots of indentations all over it. I still can’t wear a regular bra as I’m in a mastectomy bra with a small pad to look normal in clothes. The surgery is an outpatient procedure in the plastic surgeon’s office. He will take fat from my abdomen and over fill the breast, using 50% more than he needs as within 8 to 12 weeks 50% of it will reabsorb into my body. He said in most cases, this will need to be done twice to get the desired results. Hence I will need Surgery No. 11 in 2012. Ugh. I’m just so ready to put this all behind me.
My abdomen will be pretty sore plus he’s cutting out the areola on the left side as it is in the wrong place, so I this recovery won’t be a snap. I’ll be out of work for three days and a weekend, so I’m hopeful I can go back to work on the 19th.
Say a prayer for me all goes well with no infections/complications and that the pain is less than I’m expecting.
Thanks for your interesting in keep up with me and I’m wishing you all a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!
Love,
Marcy
Monday, August 29, 2011
Better Than It Was Before
Good news following surgery No. 9…. No complications! I had surgery on Friday, August 19, stayed on pain pills for only 24 hours and went back to work on Monday, August 22. While I know I should have been taking it easy (and I did to a degree – no heavy lifting), I wasn’t able to ease back into work. With the race weekend only two weeks away, I ended up putting in close to 60 hours in 5 days. Not smart, I know, but right now work just demands that. Fortunately, I’m running on adrenaline, otherwise I’d be in more pain.
Speaking of pain, my dad just asked me this weekend how my pain was. I told him that not a day goes by without pain and it has been that way since I was diagnosed. I’ve gotten so used to it, that it has become a way of life. You don’t realize it’s an issue until you verbalize it and realize how not normal it is to be in pain every day. Unfortunately, there is nothing the doctors can do with my pain and it isn’t something I could take pain pills for. It is random stabbing pains that vary in severity and length. It hurts so much that I have to stop talking when it happens. It’s a bit embarrassing in front of people who don’t know me and then I feel obligated to explain. I assume it might get better with time, but I really don’t know. It’s a combination of many surgeries and radiation with nerves trying to regenerate and also dealing with scar tissue. God knows, that left side has been operated on way too many times and it just isn’t happy.
The bad news following the surgery is the breast still looks bad. You would think after the $1,500 gummy bear implant that it would be looking better. There are many areas he is going to have to work on to get it somewhat normal looking. I’m not looking for perfection; I just want it to look normal in clothes and we are still not there without some prosthetic assistance. Hopefully, when I see the doctor again after the race he will have a plan for the final surgery in December. Just pray for me that there is only one more!
I had really hoped I was going to be done with all my medical treatments before turning 40 which happens on Sept. 9. In my mind, life truly would begin at 40 for me. After these last two years, I have no issues turning 40 as I am incredibly happy to put my 30’s in the rearview mirror. I believe I have no where better to go than up in this next decade and you better believe I plan to make the most of it.
And here’s the first step that things will be better on the other side of this journey but I need to give you the backstory first. When I graduated college, my parents gave me a beautiful sapphire and diamond ring for my college graduation gift. It was the nicest piece of jewelry I ever owned and wore it almost every day. Sapphire is my birthstone and it is my favorite gemstone. Well, when I was going through chemo in 2009, I was so incredibly foggy all the time. Sadly, in addition to all that I lost during my cancer battle, I lost that ring. I was devastated. I looked everywhere and I have no idea what happened to it. I’m a very organized person and rarely ever lose anything. I don’t know why, but I lost the ring. And I was heartbroken. I decided after beating cancer, I was going to get my life back and part of that was getting a new ring. I’ve been looking for quite some time now. I almost bought a new ring as my not getting to go to Yellowstone consolation gift, but when my air conditioner broke, it wasn’t practical to spend the money. Heck, it isn’t practical ever to spend money like that, but it was mostly what that ring stood for. Cancer took it from me and I was going to get it back. Well, I celebrated my birthday early with my parents this weekend and they surprised me with a beautiful new ring for my 40th birthday. My mom has had it for eight months now, waiting to give it to me. I was so blown away. I told my mom that my goal for my life after cancer is “better than it was before.” And this ring is better than the one I had. It’s an amazing symbol for me to look at every day and make that promise to myself when I’m feeling down or doubting myself: BETTER THAN IT WAS BEFORE. While there are some areas I can’t change after my battle, in the areas I can, I plan to make the most of it.
I’m celebrating my 40th with a small get together with friends a favorite dive of mine on my actual birthday. I’m not big into making things about me, so I wanted it small, laid back and fun. I did decide to get a nice cake for my birthday and one of my friends from high school is a talented cake artist. She asked me about my concept and I told her I wanted a little bird because when I’m done with all my surgeries I will be “ready to fly.” This idea came from a gift my high school girlfriends got me when I first got diagnosed with cancer. They got me a Pandora bracelet with an angel charm to “keep me safe” during treatment. At little moments along the way they gave me other charms: a blue charm so when I lost my hair at least I still had my blue eyes; a pink ribbon and pink flowers for my fight; my initial M so I would never forget myself in the battle; a bead named “Inner Strength” and a kitty cat to give me comfort. I also added some own beads along the way: two crème beads to represent my two breasts lost in my mastectomy; the “Forget-me-not” bead for the hysterectomy (as I will never forget losing my ability to have kids) and the “Journey” bead for my one year cancer free. I purchased two more beads to complete the bracelet, but had been waiting to put them on it. The first one I bought was an owl for when I finally got my “Hooters.” So I got to put that bead on just this week. And the final bead is a little bird, so when I’m done, I’m ready to fly. I still have that bead stored away and I can’t wait to put it on the bracelet hopefully in December. While it is a little premature to put “ready to fly” on the cake for my birthday, I figure that I’m wishing for nothing more for my 40th year. So why not put it on the cake when I make my birthday wish?
Thanks for your continued support and interest in my journey. Wish me luck with race week and making it through with some stamina and energy!
Much love,
Marcy
Marcy
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Gummy Bear Boobs?!
Well, I went in to see my reconstructive surgeon on Friday. Upon examination, he did not want to expand as we had planned as the skin on my chest is too thin. Turns out I never had an infection in July and the red spot on my chest was from the pressure of the expander edge on my thin skin. So that last surgery and hospitalization was to be safe which I get, but really it was a waste of time.
Instead of expanding, he told me he wanted to do surgery as soon as possible. I about fell out of my chair…. You all know that my job involves working at Atlanta Motor Speedway. Our race weekend is Sept. 2-4, just three weeks away. I told the surgeon that unless it was medically necessary, we needed to wait. I’m too overwhelmed with work right now to be having surgery. He said the skin is incredibly thin and he did not want to wait. He worked with me to have surgery on a Friday, so I only miss one day at work. Which right now is a ton, but it is what it is.
So I’m having surgery this Friday, two weeks out of race weekend. I just pray I have the stamina to make it through the exhausting race weekend. I’m nervous to tell you the truth about this being so close to race weekend, but my doctor is adamant to have the surgery now.
Since he can’t expand, he can’t rely on the skin to make the natural teardrop shape of the breast like they did on my right side. So he’s using a different implant on the left side that is anatomically shaped so it does the work for the skin. He told me that they call it the “Gummy Bear” implant. Nice, just what a woman wants to hear – Gummy Bear Boobs.
While that sounds like a great solution, the only problem is the implant has been in clinical trial for 10 years now and is still considered “experimental” so my insurance won’t cover it. I will be billed $1,500 for the implant which I’m not thrilled about, especially when the surgeon feels it is his best option.
The great thing is the fundraiser all my friends donated to in August 2009 still has money to cover that expense. The bad news is it basically empties the medical fund account so I have no money to donate to charity which I had really wanted to do with what was left over. I just want to thank everyone who donated two years ago as I have used every penny for all my medical needs/prescriptions/uncovered expenses/medical leave. I would have been in dire straits without it. You have no idea the impact that has had on me. I cannot say “thank you” enough.
I also can’t wrap my head around the fact that we actually might be getting closer to the end. I’ve been so incredibly busy at work and I’ve had so many problems to date, I don’t even want to get my hopes up that this will go as planned. It’s sad isn’t it? When you come to expect the worst? To tell you the truth, it has to go right because with my job, I can’t afford any hiccups right now. The goal is to be back at work on Monday, August 22 and my surgeon says that’s absolutely doable as long as I don’t lift anything for a while. As long as I can talk and type, I can get to race weekend!
Keep your fingers crossed for me friends and say a little prayer!
Love to you all!
Marcy
Instead of expanding, he told me he wanted to do surgery as soon as possible. I about fell out of my chair…. You all know that my job involves working at Atlanta Motor Speedway. Our race weekend is Sept. 2-4, just three weeks away. I told the surgeon that unless it was medically necessary, we needed to wait. I’m too overwhelmed with work right now to be having surgery. He said the skin is incredibly thin and he did not want to wait. He worked with me to have surgery on a Friday, so I only miss one day at work. Which right now is a ton, but it is what it is.
So I’m having surgery this Friday, two weeks out of race weekend. I just pray I have the stamina to make it through the exhausting race weekend. I’m nervous to tell you the truth about this being so close to race weekend, but my doctor is adamant to have the surgery now.
Since he can’t expand, he can’t rely on the skin to make the natural teardrop shape of the breast like they did on my right side. So he’s using a different implant on the left side that is anatomically shaped so it does the work for the skin. He told me that they call it the “Gummy Bear” implant. Nice, just what a woman wants to hear – Gummy Bear Boobs.
While that sounds like a great solution, the only problem is the implant has been in clinical trial for 10 years now and is still considered “experimental” so my insurance won’t cover it. I will be billed $1,500 for the implant which I’m not thrilled about, especially when the surgeon feels it is his best option.
The great thing is the fundraiser all my friends donated to in August 2009 still has money to cover that expense. The bad news is it basically empties the medical fund account so I have no money to donate to charity which I had really wanted to do with what was left over. I just want to thank everyone who donated two years ago as I have used every penny for all my medical needs/prescriptions/uncovered expenses/medical leave. I would have been in dire straits without it. You have no idea the impact that has had on me. I cannot say “thank you” enough.
I also can’t wrap my head around the fact that we actually might be getting closer to the end. I’ve been so incredibly busy at work and I’ve had so many problems to date, I don’t even want to get my hopes up that this will go as planned. It’s sad isn’t it? When you come to expect the worst? To tell you the truth, it has to go right because with my job, I can’t afford any hiccups right now. The goal is to be back at work on Monday, August 22 and my surgeon says that’s absolutely doable as long as I don’t lift anything for a while. As long as I can talk and type, I can get to race weekend!
Keep your fingers crossed for me friends and say a little prayer!
Love to you all!
Marcy
Friday, July 22, 2011
Perplexed
Well, both my reconstructive surgeon and infectious disease doctor are perplexed following my surgery.
On Thursday a little after noon, my reconstructive surgeon removed the expander, washed the area with three liters of antibiotics, then put a new expander back in. He said the inside looked great, with no trace of bacteria. He also filled the expander with a decent amount of fluid to continue stretching the area.
He sent some tissue to be cultured, but believes it will come back negative as he saw nothing with the naked eye. Plus, I was also on antibiotics for 2.5 weeks prior to the surgery, which also would have cleared any possible infections.
The reason why both doctors are perplexed is they can’t understand why the area is still red and hot. Since I’m not spiking a fever, they feel I may just live with this red spot for now as it doesn’t seem to be getting any bigger or smaller. They have suggested I just keep an eye on it to make sure it doesn’t change. The only thing they can guess why the area is red is once skin is radiated, it just doesn’t act like normal, healthy skin.
I was given my first round of IV antibiotics prior to the surgery, I got the second round this morning and I will get the third round tomorrow morning. After that, I will get discharged and take antibiotics in pill form at home.
I’m super excited to be going home after 2.5 days versus the 4+ I was expecting. I’m unsure when I will go back to work, but I’m assuming early next week, but I still need to get clearance from my surgeon.
Surprisingly, I’ve been in decent spirits. Surgery doesn’t even phase me anymore. Yesterday, when they wheeled me back into the operating room they hadn’t administered any anesthesia, so I was wide awake. If I hadn’t had so many other surgeries, I would have been freaked out to see that room and all the tools. However, I was extremely calm and even got on the operating table all by myself.
It’s kinda sad I’m becoming a pro at all of this. I’m not sure this is something a person should boast being good at… I guess eight surgeries in 24 months will do that to you!
When I spoke to my surgeon today, he said he wants to do a quick expansion in August, then do the surgery to swap out the expander for the implant in late September. He wants to do this quickly since we didn’t have this red spot when we had the implant in in February earlier this year. He wonders if the expander is aggravating the skin because that skin so thin in that area of the chest. Eventually, he will put some fatty tissue in that area so it won’t show the implant rippling and that may even help make the red spot disappear.
It’s a little disconcerting that no one seems to know what the problem is, but all I can do it just keep moving forward and taking my doctor’s advice.
Thank you again for everyone’s kind words of support. They mean more than you know!
Love,
Marcy
On Thursday a little after noon, my reconstructive surgeon removed the expander, washed the area with three liters of antibiotics, then put a new expander back in. He said the inside looked great, with no trace of bacteria. He also filled the expander with a decent amount of fluid to continue stretching the area.
He sent some tissue to be cultured, but believes it will come back negative as he saw nothing with the naked eye. Plus, I was also on antibiotics for 2.5 weeks prior to the surgery, which also would have cleared any possible infections.
The reason why both doctors are perplexed is they can’t understand why the area is still red and hot. Since I’m not spiking a fever, they feel I may just live with this red spot for now as it doesn’t seem to be getting any bigger or smaller. They have suggested I just keep an eye on it to make sure it doesn’t change. The only thing they can guess why the area is red is once skin is radiated, it just doesn’t act like normal, healthy skin.
I was given my first round of IV antibiotics prior to the surgery, I got the second round this morning and I will get the third round tomorrow morning. After that, I will get discharged and take antibiotics in pill form at home.
I’m super excited to be going home after 2.5 days versus the 4+ I was expecting. I’m unsure when I will go back to work, but I’m assuming early next week, but I still need to get clearance from my surgeon.
Surprisingly, I’ve been in decent spirits. Surgery doesn’t even phase me anymore. Yesterday, when they wheeled me back into the operating room they hadn’t administered any anesthesia, so I was wide awake. If I hadn’t had so many other surgeries, I would have been freaked out to see that room and all the tools. However, I was extremely calm and even got on the operating table all by myself.
It’s kinda sad I’m becoming a pro at all of this. I’m not sure this is something a person should boast being good at… I guess eight surgeries in 24 months will do that to you!
When I spoke to my surgeon today, he said he wants to do a quick expansion in August, then do the surgery to swap out the expander for the implant in late September. He wants to do this quickly since we didn’t have this red spot when we had the implant in in February earlier this year. He wonders if the expander is aggravating the skin because that skin so thin in that area of the chest. Eventually, he will put some fatty tissue in that area so it won’t show the implant rippling and that may even help make the red spot disappear.
It’s a little disconcerting that no one seems to know what the problem is, but all I can do it just keep moving forward and taking my doctor’s advice.
Thank you again for everyone’s kind words of support. They mean more than you know!
Love,
Marcy
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
Worst-Case Scenario
I saw both doctors this morning - the infectious disease doctor and my reconstructive surgeon. I was correct in my prediction from yesterday’s blog on what would happen. And guess, what? Go figure, I didn’t get the easiest option. I got a combination of the two options I didn’t want to see happen.
While my infectious disease doctor recommended taking my expander out entirely, he deferred to my plastic surgeon, not wanting to “undo” any of his work. My reconstructive surgeon does not want to lose the pocket he has created for the implant, so is going to perform surgery where he will swap out the old expander for a new one and wash the area to rid the infection. I will follow the surgery up with four days of IV antibiotics in the hospital.
So on Thursday, July 21 at 7:00 a.m., I will be admitted to Piedmont Hospital to start this whole process. The surgery will be at noon. I am unsure when I will be discharged – probably Sunday/Monday/Tuesday. I would assume I would go back to work Tuesday/Wednesday of next week.
Again, this is not what I wanted to happen, as it was the worst case outcome. Well, I take that back. The worst case outcome would be having no expander put back in as that would set us back even more in the reconstruction process.
And it is also crappy timing as things are SO busy at work right now with the NASCAR race weekend only 44 days away. That’s stress I don’t need. But I know, I know… my health comes first.
I barely cried this morning when the infectious disease doctor recommended surgery as I was prepared for the worst possible news. I’m just numb to tell you the truth. I don’t understand what God is wanting me to learn in all of this. SO OVER IT….
Marcy
While my infectious disease doctor recommended taking my expander out entirely, he deferred to my plastic surgeon, not wanting to “undo” any of his work. My reconstructive surgeon does not want to lose the pocket he has created for the implant, so is going to perform surgery where he will swap out the old expander for a new one and wash the area to rid the infection. I will follow the surgery up with four days of IV antibiotics in the hospital.
So on Thursday, July 21 at 7:00 a.m., I will be admitted to Piedmont Hospital to start this whole process. The surgery will be at noon. I am unsure when I will be discharged – probably Sunday/Monday/Tuesday. I would assume I would go back to work Tuesday/Wednesday of next week.
Again, this is not what I wanted to happen, as it was the worst case outcome. Well, I take that back. The worst case outcome would be having no expander put back in as that would set us back even more in the reconstruction process.
And it is also crappy timing as things are SO busy at work right now with the NASCAR race weekend only 44 days away. That’s stress I don’t need. But I know, I know… my health comes first.
I barely cried this morning when the infectious disease doctor recommended surgery as I was prepared for the worst possible news. I’m just numb to tell you the truth. I don’t understand what God is wanting me to learn in all of this. SO OVER IT….
Marcy
Monday, July 18, 2011
Problem Child
All was moving nicely along in June. I was getting expanded every Friday, getting ready for my July surgery. Expansion sucks, but it wasn’t as painful as it had been in the past. I guess since the skin and muscle had been stretched before, everything was responding great with not too much pain.
However, the last week of June, a red spot popped up on my chest. I didn’t need the doctor to tell me the infection resurfaced that we thought we beat in May. When the infectious disease doctor told me it was cleared up in May, he said infections could flare up at any point: days, weeks, months, up to a year, but recurrences rarely happened, so I shouldn’t have anything to worry about. Yeah, guess he jinxed me.
When I saw his medical practice partner on July 1, I asked her why this happened and if there was anything I could have done to prevent it. She responded, “Nope, just shitty luck.” Grrrreat…..
The doctor put me back on antibiotics for two weeks. This antibiotic wasn’t as nasty as the ones in May so I was thrilled. All I had to be concerned about was sun exposure. Not exactly what you want to hear in the summertime, but I managed to stay out of the sun.
I guess I shouldn’t have been so excited because this antibiotic hasn’t made a dent. After two weeks, the red spot has not disappeared, so I called the doctor Friday. He extended the prescription and wants to see me Tuesday morning. Based on what’s been discussed in the past, I believe he will consider one of three options. First, put me back on the nasty antibiotics as it did the job the first time (or so we thought). Second, admit me to the hospital for four days of IV antibiotics. Third, schedule surgery to take the expander out and heal the infection with one of the first two options. I have no idea what he will recommend. Regardless, I won’t be happy with any of the outcomes.
I know I’ve referred to myself as “Sally Side-Effect” before, but the first thing that went through my mind when the infection flared back up was what a “Problem Child” I am. And it doesn’t seem to be getting any better.
June 29 was two years from my date of diagnosis and I’m not anywhere near the end of this road. When the infection recurred, it was the first time I thought about giving up the reconstruction process and just give up on my appearance. All I want to do it look some sort of normal and I don’t understand why it has been such a hardship. I’m numb. Over it. Just exhausted. And I just keep trudging through each day. I don’t know how to do it any different. I don’t know what it’s like to go through a day and feel great with no pain. I’ve learned to live with pain and I think that’s the most upsetting when I take a step back and look at the big picture. But I’m also proud at how I’m balancing soldiering on and doing what I can to nurture myself.
That’s all I can do for now.
Love to you all!
Marcy
However, the last week of June, a red spot popped up on my chest. I didn’t need the doctor to tell me the infection resurfaced that we thought we beat in May. When the infectious disease doctor told me it was cleared up in May, he said infections could flare up at any point: days, weeks, months, up to a year, but recurrences rarely happened, so I shouldn’t have anything to worry about. Yeah, guess he jinxed me.
When I saw his medical practice partner on July 1, I asked her why this happened and if there was anything I could have done to prevent it. She responded, “Nope, just shitty luck.” Grrrreat…..
The doctor put me back on antibiotics for two weeks. This antibiotic wasn’t as nasty as the ones in May so I was thrilled. All I had to be concerned about was sun exposure. Not exactly what you want to hear in the summertime, but I managed to stay out of the sun.
I guess I shouldn’t have been so excited because this antibiotic hasn’t made a dent. After two weeks, the red spot has not disappeared, so I called the doctor Friday. He extended the prescription and wants to see me Tuesday morning. Based on what’s been discussed in the past, I believe he will consider one of three options. First, put me back on the nasty antibiotics as it did the job the first time (or so we thought). Second, admit me to the hospital for four days of IV antibiotics. Third, schedule surgery to take the expander out and heal the infection with one of the first two options. I have no idea what he will recommend. Regardless, I won’t be happy with any of the outcomes.
I know I’ve referred to myself as “Sally Side-Effect” before, but the first thing that went through my mind when the infection flared back up was what a “Problem Child” I am. And it doesn’t seem to be getting any better.
June 29 was two years from my date of diagnosis and I’m not anywhere near the end of this road. When the infection recurred, it was the first time I thought about giving up the reconstruction process and just give up on my appearance. All I want to do it look some sort of normal and I don’t understand why it has been such a hardship. I’m numb. Over it. Just exhausted. And I just keep trudging through each day. I don’t know how to do it any different. I don’t know what it’s like to go through a day and feel great with no pain. I’ve learned to live with pain and I think that’s the most upsetting when I take a step back and look at the big picture. But I’m also proud at how I’m balancing soldiering on and doing what I can to nurture myself.
That’s all I can do for now.
Love to you all!
Marcy
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