So it’s back to work tomorrow, as I got clearance from the doctor today to go back to work. I also got my drain out, so that’s a bonus. I spent all weekend coming off the narcotics, which is never a pleasant task. I’m having a hard time wrapping my head around that I’m going to have to go through surgery again one more time and I’m not done like I had been told I would be.
The doctor said my skin is healing well after looking at it today. I won’t see him again until April 1st. At that point, we will decide when we will schedule the next surgery. I’ve already made plans to go on a trip to Yellowstone in May and I want to be healthy to do all the hiking/sightseeing I have planned, so it will probably happen in early June.
Here’s why we need the second surgery: In my September 2010 surgery, he took skin from my back and transferred it onto my front. This new skin is attached underneath the badly burned radiated skin, which is all pushed up to the middle to the top of my breast area. My doctor was concerned that the skin might not heal well after being detached after this last surgery, but since it is looking well just only 12 days after surgery, he feels assured we can go in, cut the badly burned skin out of the middle area and attach it to skin located higher in the breast area, which was also radiated, but not as badly as the skin now in the middle area. After this next surgery, it should have the round shape we are aiming towards as he will cut out all the extra skin now making it look lumpy.
So, in the meantime, I went back and got some mastectomy bras to help provide some symmetry until we can do this next surgery. I love being able to wear t-shirts in the springtime and right now I cannot do that without feeling self-conscious. What I would give to get a little confidence back in my step…
I also feel guilty for even being down about this right now. I’ve cried the past week more than I have in a long time. There are so many people who I care about who no longer walk this earth, who I know would love to have this problem. I’m having a hard time battling the issues I’m dealing with, while trying to be thankful to be alive. You need to feel the feelings to deal with them and work through them, yet you feel guilty for even having the feelings in the first place. I’m hoping time and staying busy will be the best medicine.
Not sure when I will update next… On Monday, March 14th, the American Cancer Society has asked me to be the keynote speaker at their 20thannual Hope Luncheon and Fashion Show http://main.acsevents.org/site/TR/Gala/GalaFY10SouthAtlantic?pg=entry&fr_id=26818. I will also be walking in the fashion show. I’m praying that watching all those seasons of watching America’s Next Top Model will finally pay off since I’ve seen runway training! I know it’s a stretch, but I’ve got to justify my crap TV somehow!
With Love,
Marcy
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